The New England Patriots will be remembered for a lot of things. They’ll be remembered for how they dominated the NFL in 2007; they’ll be remembered for their star quarterback and star wide receiver; they’ll be remembered for “Spygate;” and they will be remembered as the greatest choke job in the history of professional sports.
Last night, the Patriots were outplayed and outcoached by what was supposedly a vastly inferior team. The Giants weren’t supposed to have a chance. I should know. I kept repeating that over and over again for two weeks to anyone who would listen. Not surprisingly, most people agreed with me. It was supposed to be academic, a mere formality. Both teams would show up, the Giants would play as hard as they could and the Patriots would still walk out as champions.
But something happened. The aura that had surrounded the Patriots all year was gone. That was noticeable as soon as the game started. I don’t know if it was the two week layoff. I don’t know if it’s because the Giants simply have the Patriots number. But the aura, the magic, the sense of destiny was nowhere to be found. It was foreboding. And it kept building and building. The lack of offense through the first three quarters of the game did little to diminish it. On the contrary, it seemed only to aggravate it. Then, in the fourth quarter, it climaxed. With 11:05 left in the game, Eli Manning found David Tyree in the end zone, putting the Giants ahead 10-7.
With 2:42 left, Tom Brady finally connected with Randy Moss for a touchdown, and the Patriots took the lead 14-10. Game over, right? Wrong. Eli Manning put together a career defining drive and silenced his critics (most notably, myself) and hooked up with Plaxico Burress to give the Giants a 17-14 lead with 35 seconds left in the game. All Tom Brady could muster were two deep incomplete passes and a sack which sent the entire New England region rumbling. Game over. Giants win. Patriots lose. Justice is served.
During the two weeks leading up to the Super Bowl, Patriot fans were everywhere. Nearly all them making the claim that their team was the greatest team in the history of professional sports. There were no others. Sure, the `72 Dolphins came close, but not close enough. The day before the Super Bowl I was on the ESPN.com message board. I was on there for one reason – to antagonize and irritate Patriot fans. The new twist to the “Spygate” scandal had just broken and so I took the opportunity to let them know how I felt about it (I’ll come back to “Spygate” later). There were Patriot fans on the message board actually condoning and supporting the Patriots for cheating and spying. One poster even replied, “Shame on your teams for not cheating, too.” It was really despicable, yet all too common for Patriot fans.
But after the Super Bowl, none of those fans of the New England Patriots were to be found. You had one or two brave people who admitted they were wrong and congratulated the Giants for pulling off the upset. But the ones who just days before were condoning the Patriots supposed spying and cheating practices had fallen off the face of Earth. And good riddance.
As for “Spygate” – I’ll say the same thing I said to Patriot fans the day before the Super Bowl – if it’s true, that is, IF the Patriots spied on the Rams before the Super Bowl in 2002, then you can make the reasonable assumption that they’ve been spying on other teams for years. Therefore, the New England Patriots (IF these accusations are true) should be kicked out of the NFL. Their team should be contracted or relocated. The people who are found to be responsible should be banned from football for life. If any sort of laws were violated, they should be prosecuted to the fullest extent. Such actions are a disgrace and damage the integrity of the league and sport in general. If you want to spy and act covert, work for the CIA, not the NFL.
However, if I’m New England or NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, I wouldn’t worry too much about these congressional hearings. The credibility of the guy who seems to be running the operation, Sen. Arlen Specter, is tenuous at best.
See, back in November 1963 a certain President of the United States was shot dead in broad daylight in Dallas, Texas. The authorities got their man, who was then shot and killed himself a few days later…oddly enough. The authorities said that this one lone man fired three shots (through heavy foliage that not even FBI sharpshooters could match) into President Kennedy and Governor Connally. The Warren Commission, which was assigned by the newly sworn-in President Lyndon Johnson to investigate the Kennedy Assassination, confirmed this. There was just one problem – the number of wounds between Kennedy and Connally didn’t match the number of bullets or the shell casings found. To the rescue comes a young Junior Counselor for the Commission. He developed what has become one of the most notorious theories in the history of criminal investigations – The Magic Bullet Theory.
The Magic Bullet Theory holds that one bullet caused all of the non-fatal wounds in both President Kennedy and Governor Connally (the head shot which killed Kennedy was caused by another bullet). This one bullet, according to the theory, caused seven wounds. It went through fifteen layers of clothing, seven layers of skin, fifteen inches of tissue, struck a tie knot, removed four inches from a rib, and shattered a wrist bone. What’s more, this bullet supposedly changed directions not once, not twice, not even three times. Completely defying the laws of physics, it changed directions four times.
As if that wasn’t pushing the realm of reality to the breaking point, the bullet which supposedly caused all this destruction was found on a stretcher in Parkland Hospital (that wasn’t even used for Kennedy or Connally) in almost perfect condition. It is a grotesque theory and an insult to the intelligence to even the lowest of species.
The man who invented this theory is the aforementioned Arlen Specter.
Therefore, I wouldn’t be too worried about this. He’s not really known for his thorough investigations.
Anyway…here’s some random crap…
- Seeing how it’s Super Tuesday and all, I’ll just say that a vote for Hillary Clinton is a vote for John McCain. Clinton can’t beat McCain. Obama can. If it comes down to Clinton vs. McCain, I’m voting for McCain…and I’m a Democrat. Now personally, I love Bill Clinton. I worship at the altar of “Bubba.” However, to a lot of people, especially independents who lean towards the conservative end of the spectrum, Hillary reminds them of Bill. That’s not good. That’s bad if you’re Hillary. Therefore, in a national election against a certified War Hero, Hillary doesn’t stand a chance. She’ll get pummeled. At some point, whether it’s this year, four years, or eight years from now, Barack Obama will be President of the United States. And, he’ll be a good one. Hillary doesn’t deserve to be President. She’s a phony. Her home state is Arkansas, yet she’s a Senator from New York? She cares about the People and State of New York about as much as she does a paperclip. Her becoming a New York Senator was purely political with the sole purpose of launching a presidential bid. Other than that, New York means nothing. If she becomes the Democratic nominee and loses in the general election, it would not surprise me one bit if she didn’t run for re-election as a Senator. Why continue with that strategy if it’s already failed? I urge you not to vote for Hillary, especially if you desire a Democrat in the White House. It’s a wasted vote. Vote Obama.
- And let’s be honest – one of the reasons why Hillary makes people nervous is because she’s a woman. I don’t like it. It’s not fair. It’s completely undemocratic. Yet, it’s all too American. It is what it is. And that’s what it is.
- And…no, that is not why I don’t like her. I’ve stated my reasons pretty clearly.
- On the lighter side, Britney Spears will come back as “Angry Rock Chick” in her next incarnation.
- Jaime Lynn Spears is hotter than her sister, pregnant or not. God, I feel creepy saying that.
- The troops aren’t coming home. Our great-grandchildren will be embroiled in Iraq.
- The writers who are on strike need to stop acting like little bitches.
- So do the producers.
- Very few people know about my raccoon-phobia. It started when I was a little kid. They’ve been stalking me ever since. A few months ago I noticed a raccoon in the parking lot in front of our apartment. I told my wife, but she said I was hallucinating. About 2-3 weeks ago I was outside smoking at around 1am. I then noticed a raccoon running towards the dumpster. I rushed in, got our camera, and took a couple pictures of it. The next day I showed it to my wife and she said it was just a cat. I was offended. She treated it as if I was on the hunt for Bigfoot. I know what a raccoon looks like. They’ve stalked me since I was eight years old. If anyone knows what a raccoon looks like, it’s me. It was a raccoon. I hope its head got crushed by a semi – the evil little bastard.
- That wasn’t the first incident. Last Spring when I was out smoking, a raccoon ran about 5 yards in front of me. It came out of some bushes. I heard a noise, and then noticed the devilish creature scooting past me. I hope some kid tied some bottle rockets to it and blew it sky high.
- I’m thinking about switching majors. Currently, my major is journalism. However, lately I’ve become disenfranchised with the media. If I do switch my major, it will be to political science. However, a degree in political science doesn’t offer you a lot of opportunities. Basically, you have two options – you can either be a politician or a teacher. There’s my dilemma.
- Of course, I could always be a political journalist.
- I seriously don’t get the whole Hannah Montana thing. Back when I was a kid, we were blessed with the luxury of good taste. Whatever happened to that?
- Tiffany would kick the ever-living crap out of Hannah Montana.
- …so would Pat Benatar
“We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the change that we seek. We are the hope of those boys who have little; who’ve been told that they cannot have what they dream; that they cannot be what they imagine.”
“Yes they can.”
- Barack Obama (Super Tuesday Speech)
As if that wasn’t pushing the realm of reality to the breaking point, the bullet which supposedly caused all this destruction was found on a stretcher in Parkland Hospital (that wasn’t even used for Kennedy or Connally) in almost perfect condition. It is a grotesque theory and an insult to the intelligence to even the lowest of species.
The man who invented this theory is the aforementioned Arlen Specter.
Therefore, I wouldn’t be too worried about this. He’s not really known for his thorough investigations.
Anyway…here’s some random crap…
- Seeing how it’s Super Tuesday and all, I’ll just say that a vote for Hillary Clinton is a vote for John McCain. Clinton can’t beat McCain. Obama can. If it comes down to Clinton vs. McCain, I’m voting for McCain…and I’m a Democrat. Now personally, I love Bill Clinton. I worship at the altar of “Bubba.” However, to a lot of people, especially independents who lean towards the conservative end of the spectrum, Hillary reminds them of Bill. That’s not good. That’s bad if you’re Hillary. Therefore, in a national election against a certified War Hero, Hillary doesn’t stand a chance. She’ll get pummeled. At some point, whether it’s this year, four years, or eight years from now, Barack Obama will be President of the United States. And, he’ll be a good one. Hillary doesn’t deserve to be President. She’s a phony. Her home state is Arkansas, yet she’s a Senator from New York? She cares about the People and State of New York about as much as she does a paperclip. Her becoming a New York Senator was purely political with the sole purpose of launching a presidential bid. Other than that, New York means nothing. If she becomes the Democratic nominee and loses in the general election, it would not surprise me one bit if she didn’t run for re-election as a Senator. Why continue with that strategy if it’s already failed? I urge you not to vote for Hillary, especially if you desire a Democrat in the White House. It’s a wasted vote. Vote Obama.
- And let’s be honest – one of the reasons why Hillary makes people nervous is because she’s a woman. I don’t like it. It’s not fair. It’s completely undemocratic. Yet, it’s all too American. It is what it is. And that’s what it is.
- And…no, that is not why I don’t like her. I’ve stated my reasons pretty clearly.
- On the lighter side, Britney Spears will come back as “Angry Rock Chick” in her next incarnation.
- Jaime Lynn Spears is hotter than her sister, pregnant or not. God, I feel creepy saying that.
- The troops aren’t coming home. Our great-grandchildren will be embroiled in Iraq.
- The writers who are on strike need to stop acting like little bitches.
- So do the producers.
- Very few people know about my raccoon-phobia. It started when I was a little kid. They’ve been stalking me ever since. A few months ago I noticed a raccoon in the parking lot in front of our apartment. I told my wife, but she said I was hallucinating. About 2-3 weeks ago I was outside smoking at around 1am. I then noticed a raccoon running towards the dumpster. I rushed in, got our camera, and took a couple pictures of it. The next day I showed it to my wife and she said it was just a cat. I was offended. She treated it as if I was on the hunt for Bigfoot. I know what a raccoon looks like. They’ve stalked me since I was eight years old. If anyone knows what a raccoon looks like, it’s me. It was a raccoon. I hope its head got crushed by a semi – the evil little bastard.
- That wasn’t the first incident. Last Spring when I was out smoking, a raccoon ran about 5 yards in front of me. It came out of some bushes. I heard a noise, and then noticed the devilish creature scooting past me. I hope some kid tied some bottle rockets to it and blew it sky high.
- I’m thinking about switching majors. Currently, my major is journalism. However, lately I’ve become disenfranchised with the media. If I do switch my major, it will be to political science. However, a degree in political science doesn’t offer you a lot of opportunities. Basically, you have two options – you can either be a politician or a teacher. There’s my dilemma.
- Of course, I could always be a political journalist.
- I seriously don’t get the whole Hannah Montana thing. Back when I was a kid, we were blessed with the luxury of good taste. Whatever happened to that?
- Tiffany would kick the ever-living crap out of Hannah Montana.
- …so would Pat Benatar
“We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the change that we seek. We are the hope of those boys who have little; who’ve been told that they cannot have what they dream; that they cannot be what they imagine.”
“Yes they can.”
- Barack Obama (Super Tuesday Speech)
