rackie's blog: "Mental Confusion"

Thoughts racing thru your brain. Is there really hapiness in life. Does anyone ever get a happily ever after? Who ever knows when enough is enough? Thoughts bleeding thru your brain. An addiction you can't seem to let go. Where do you stop and when do you go? Who ever knows the right decisions in life. Why can't god just give us a handbook to this fucked up thing we call life? Does he have a sick sense of humor or do we just fuck it up all by ourselves.? Do we ever completly grow up? We are always under someones thumb? Is this life or just a really bad dream? You see it in his eyes. Bleeding from his brain. Is he even curable? Or are you just going insane. How much do you help and when do you walk away? You see it coursing thru his veins killing him slowly. Do you watch him kill himself or do you reach out to help? OR LET him go til he helps himself? SICKNESS......is it curable. Crazy, disturbed, selfish motherfucker.

Well i know i've mummed about what to do? and well guess i just can't seem to get shit outta my head right now. I'm in sucha confused state of mind at the moment. The fucker i tryed trusting smothered me and hit me muliple times for money and my keys. Yeah WTF? why would i feel sad, guilt, mad, sorry for him, depressed? Should i not be thankful i'm out of the situation? Shouldnt i be wishing the fucker to rot in jail for the shit? Why am i feeling so many freaking feelings all at the same time? What makes me end up in such fucked up relationships. I know plenty have been in worse and many more than me? But I'm tired of it soem one always knows the answer. One says awwww....its ok you'll find a good one one day? one says hell maybe it's me? i drive them to be that way? lol. another might just say i'm too nice, some say i'm too damn gullible. WTF? i just wanna scream. i'm getting to where i'm scared and tired of trying not to hold past relationships on the the next man but no matter what i end up in a similar situations? IS IT ME? Am i too fucked up, too ugly too dumb too fat too stupid too Hell WHAT IS IT? idk? i'm ready to join a convent. lol. well just my way of trying to get some of this off my mind.