Well, Things were getting better with Andrew and I. I thought. I was hella upset about the jessica thing... mainly because, I'm like, how can you just break up with me and ask someone else out in 5 minutes? Hello? Am i not more important than that?
So, we had some issues, and then we stayed up all night friday night basically talking about everything. I truly believed that he was going to try to make an effort to, i dunno... love me? Well, I dunno, what happened. Saturday he started talking to jessica. And, during the week he told me he wanted nothing to do with her, and didn't want to talk to her or anything, because of how it hurt me, and the drama, and yadda yadda ya... aannnddd well.. Saturday, he started talking to her again. And I told him it bothered me, and well... what he said was unreal... the things he said to me saturday night, were, shocking. As mean as he was. I was like, WOW, and this is the man I love??? So, I was like, well... WTF? Then Sunday morning he was talking to me in the morning like things were fine, then just stopped talking to me, and hasn't said a word to me since. SO, maybe he decided he didn't want me anymore? Maybe he, who knows. I don't even know whats happened, because, yet again, he's not talking to me. So, I emailed him and asked him if it was over or what. Because, from what he said to me saturday night it seems like it is. So, so be it... I don't deserve that bullshit... he has done so much shit, and yet claims he's done nothing wrong. So, screw it. I deserve and want better... so, i guess thats part of life. I truly loved Andrew... I mean, i still do. I can't just STOP loving him... but, the hateful shit he said to me sat was, unreal. So, I'm like, there has got to be some man out there who will love me for me...
And, on a semi-related, but not, note.... This guy adam.... (god i hate bouncing from guy to guy... and i'm really NOT... it just so happens I've been talking to him during all this andrew shit) Its insane how much adam and andrew are alike... (in the 'type of aspects i like about men' type way) ANd it kinda sucks, cuz i actually like adam, but not cuz he's anything like andrew, cuz, well, he's also NOT like andrew in a lot of ways. (cuz I don't see adam telling me to go cry my heart out cuz i just lost the best man I'll ever have... and telling me if i stop acting so imamture and grow up MAYBE he'll talk to me... yeah, thats the shit andrew was saying to me....) I mean, I'm not dating adam... we just, chat, and stuff.. Ok, not and stuff. we IM, text some, and I talk him... yay for phone calls lol I could spend like, 24/7 on the phone with him. I mean, I could sit and go on about stuff about him, but, at the same time... i don't want it to seem like i'm just saying "screw andrew" and trying to get w/ adam. Because, thats sooo not what is happening. I'm not the type of chick to just dump a guy, or be dumped, and just run to some other guy... But, I started liking adam while I was with andrew... and i am NOT the one who broke up with me, and i'm NOT the one who doens't talk to me... sooo i didnt leave andrew to try to be with adam, because, well, andrew left me... i think... fuck, I dunno...
Stupid men shit. I am SOOOO becoming a lesbian, and saying screw it. Because, I am so fucking sick and tired of men involved drama... cuz, you can't just sleep with them, and not expect drama, cuz then they fall for you, and that screws that all to hell, and then, when you date them, they don't appreciate you, or cause some more drama... or who knows what... Andrew broke my heart. And he's ok with that.... as he said to "cry my heart out because i lost the best man i'll ever have...." I mean, if you really love someone, do you really say something like that? I mean, I wouldn't even say that to DENNIS, and i HATE him... because, thats just MEAN... and I may be whiny, and bitchy, and stuff... but i don't deserve that kind of stuff... DO i?
All I fucking want is a normaly boyfriend... i understand couples fight... but I want a boyfriend who pays attention to me, as often as I need... which is sadly, WAY too much... i want a man who will devote everything to me... not flirt w/ other women and ask them out after he breaks up with me cuz he's drunk... I want a man who will love me, for me... and be somewhat jealous when other men want me, and be happy to know they have me. I want a man who will love me, despite my faults... and love me WITH my faults, and love ME... And somehow, I can't find a man who can do that... I'm not that bad of a person... I'm very loving, very affectionate... and somehow, I wind up being with men, who aren't loving, and aren't affectionate...
*sigh* oh well, i could whine about this all day. Doesn't do me any good... I mean, god, i get hit on all the time at work and shit... and I'm like, BLEH losers... it takes a lot for me to LIKE men... A LOT.... and now, it seems like every man i seem to like isn't what i really want... i dunno... it just, sucks...
So, there was my weekend.... god only knows whats going to happen between now and the next tme I blog....
