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My Polluted ♥

A virus stronger than anything else has polluted my heart. It was an unexpected plague that I couldn't control. Why would you deliberately infect me with this disease? –This is a rhetorical question- I must say, before you start listing your excuses. This pollution has shrunk my heart and has dried it into a fragment. It's rotting away slowly, as the insects have their way at it. You led me into believing something I had never wanted to believe it, but then you proved me right. I was handing you everything and you didn't let me know that it was just a far a way fantasy. You took it all without a thought about how it might end, but I did. I knew it from the beginning, but I still I stood aside and watched you poison me. I cannot tell you why, I let you damage my untouched heart. I can only say that I was blinded by your toxic kiss. I suppose that I was relying faithfully on my false hope. Yes, there is my answer. I tried everything to get rid of the ache. I tried throwing up my love, but it's too much to cough out. I tried admitting my mistakes and feeling the guilt. I did feel guilty, and I didn't know what to do about it. I would apologizes a million times and take everything back, but what about you? You don't even know the meaning of the words 'I'm sorry'. It wouldn't matter how many wars I fought, you would never understand. You could have simply left my heart broken into. It would have been easier for me to put back the pieces. Instead, you had to pour salt on my wounds. My symptoms: trembling hands, throbbing heart, incessant tears. My heart is green. No, it is not the usual 'black cold heart' as people like to say. It is green. It is envious and sick. It is disgusted with its symbolism. But it is also green, because there is a chance of life. I just wanted you to know. I'm letting go, but not of me. You know I am to selfish for that. I hope to find a cure to my epidemic and I know my past is not where it is. p.s. this is kinda old

I Would....

Like to... See Lightening Strike Something In Water Make At Least 1 Major Motion Picture Write At Least 1 Novel, And Get It Published Own A Horse Visit Every State In The Nation Visit Every Continent At Least Once Go On A Cruise Visit Every Country in Europe Visit Japan Visit Australia Visit New Zealand Visit Iceland Visit Greenland Visit The Amazon Rainforest Visit The Congo Visit The Sahara Visit The Dead Sea Visit Jerusalem Visit Egypt Visit China Visit Canada Visit Vadican City Visit The City of Versallies Visit Greece Visit The North Pole Own My Own House Fall In Love Get Married Have At Least 1 Son Have At Least 1 Daughter Go On A Honeymoon Own My Own Professional Camera Draw And Complete At Least 1 Comic Book/Graphic Novel Become A Jedi Graduate From College Try Surfing Try White Water Rafting Try Parasailing Pet a Cheetah Pet a Wolf Pet a Whale or Dolphin Own A Snake Grow A Rose Garden Make A Memorial Film To Shannon Have To Give A "Thank You" Speech At An Award Ceremony Visit The Beach In California And See The Pacific Ocean Visit All Seven Seas Design My Own Shoe Fly In An Air Balloon Fly In A Private Plane Hangglide Go Cave-Diving Overcome My Fear of Heights See Astronauts Land On Mars ... all before I die. I am a dreamer, I may not even get to do 1/2 the Things on my List, but i can still dream...... Life is short make i meaningful, dream on even if you never know if your dreams will come true My biggest dream is to live a long life. Alot of people tell me that wont happen. I still dream for the fact that some dreams come true

I Miss You

I sometimes think it's been too long to cry still. Everyday I still think of her. And I wish she was still here. I feel like I should be over this, that crying is just my weakness showing. But I admit. My friends are my weakness. I would do anything for them. I would give my life. If she would come back. For everybody's sake. I wish it everyday. I want her back. And if there really was a God, he could make it happen for all of us. Shannon was very much so the glue that held so many people together. Including my right mind. And I slowly am losing it. With every time I smile, while behind it I am thinking of her. And the life she led that was so much greater than mine. She was amazing. She was going somewhere. She was famous. She was everything. To everybody, to her mother. Who now has no children left. I lost my best friend, my sister. She lost her only child. And for some, Love. Shannon, in a sense, was amazingly aware of the way life worked. I envied her. Very much so. And often. I asked her for advice... i don't know - daily, I think. I just miss her more than anybody could ever imagine. And everytime a tear drops, I feel like I'm losing a part of me. I lost my senses when I saw her lying there in that casket. Over the last few months, I've been slowly getting them back. But everytime I cry, I lose them again. And they dont' come back until I laugh. Which, when you're sitting alone, doesn't usually happen. It's like I am aging faster than I should. It's me thinking it's my time too. Because she is gone. So quickly. It's not fair. To anybody. And I am still crying over this. Am I that weak?

Very True

Crearivity Has got to start with humanity, And when you're a human being, you feel, you suffer. By Marilyn Monroe Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Gone for a few days

Ok i will be gone on mon the 27th mite be home on the the 28 at the latest on the 29th I am going in for a surgery on my heart they told me its beating way to fast and they have to slow it down if not it could kill me....ummm so i hope to see all of y'all when i get back *hugs and kisses* Much love blue eyes aka grace
Okay, most ofse I you don't know this about me...So i guess your gonna know know now. Because could care less anymore.....i am very sick i have been sick most of my life i dont remember ever being well....i try so hard to be strong i taken care of kids that aint even mine for years like 2 or 3 on and off....i try to be as kind to people as i can...and most of yall dont know that my hair is a wig and my face swells and i get darkness arond my eyes and it seems like lately that every man i meet that i like runs or is scared off by it....i can understand why in a why but hell one doc said that i wont live past 22 and i want prove him wrong and i will damn it...is it to much to ask for someone to like me for me with or with out the wig i am not some little play thing to be played with and once you find out that it has a flaw to be throw away.......idk i guess it really gets under my skin.....i don't want to felt sorry for or pitty thats the last thing i want....i just dont even know why i am even typeing this but i am.... here is 2 photos that has never been put on here becouse of my face and its how i look sometimes................. Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

More about me....

I'm not your conventional girl. I'm a little different. I don't believe in superfical speech. Small talk is irritating, but only when a person doesn't know how to have it. I like my food, and I will eat it. When I had my car, and I would drive it fast & when i get a new one i'll do it again. I like the rain, and I will get muddy. I'll pick up that snake, but I don't go near that spider. I order salads at resturants, but only when I'm not hungry enough for a meal. I'll take critisizm, it's good for me. I'll wear guy pants and shoes, who cares? Yes I love cartoons and I'm eighteen. Screw off, at least I don't lose it over a stupid sport's game outcome. Sometimes actually more than sometimes I don't play the role of your average young lady, and there are those out there that do not appreciate that. To you, I say, "Mind yourselves, not others." :] These are the areas I have recieved the most critisizm for.... I am a good person. I don't hurt people (as least not with intention to do so). I give a lot, I'm generous. I'm a caring and generally happy person. I can spit out wonderful advice, be so kind to those whom deserve it from me, and certainly be willing to give more than I recieve. I don't mind any of it, at all. However, if you cross me, the story will change. And, I'm not talking about any of that "OH NO YOU DIDN'" bitch talk (that of which girls with no class pull off). I'll just simply disreguard you. No point in rising an argument with that one. Now don't get me wrong if someone throws the 1st punch I will make them wish they was never born. I am outgoing, openminded, and relatively assertive. This changes if you hurt me. I refuse to linger and work on the impossible. Do not expect me to chase you if you run. Do not expect me to ask about you or constantly wonder, because I won't. You leave, you've left. That is how I see it. Guys hardly preform stunts with an underlying meaning. Most are blatant and overbaringly truthful when it comes to their actions. They only expect to be chased because it makes them feel better. I, however, do not grant them that sense of security. I'll make you believe I'm better off alone, even if I'm truly not. I wear what I feel. Sure, I will stroll on into Hot Topic and pick up some tanks or earrings, maybe a skirt or t-shirt (most likely a t-shirt), but then I'll take a left and walk on into Old Navy. They sell nice pants. So does Aeropostle. Filenes, Pac Sun, DEBs... They're all great clothing stores. Why? I see things I like in them. Note: I did not name AE or Ambercrombie. Why? Their clothing is A) Overpriced & B) It runs WAY small. I don't not shop there because of the name. I don't shop there because it is ridiculous. Get it straight. I am an average weight. I am not very skinny, but I am not fat. I have curves, and I deal with it. Actually, I like them. I don't have to bust my hip bone trying to stick my butt out to look like I have one. Why? Cause I do have one, and I don't mind it. I'm not going annorexic or bulimic anytime soon. I could never. I love food. People who are over-infatuated with their self image, mainly girls, tend to forget that at some point in your life, you're going to want to find someone that loves you for you. And I don't know what guys are into exactly, but the thought of a girl vommiting up a nice dinner after she eats doesn't exactly sound that attractive, to me anyway. I'll keep my food, thank you. I play outside. I love the mud, the rain, thunderstorms, hikes, camping trips. I know how to build a fire. I know what wood burns the best. I've slept without a tent. I've fished and hooked my own worm, thank you. I can drive a boat. I can use a paddle. I'm not afraid of wild animals. I'll pick up a snake. I'll go searching for salamanders. I'll get dirty, because showers exist. Don't whine to me about how fake nails can get ruined by any form of laborious movement I don't care. That's why I loved field hockey so much. I got dirty, and I loved it. So, there is more to me than what you see, which not only rhymes but is sort of cheesey. None the less, it's true. I'm sorry if you're disappointed in me. All I can say is oh well to you. I can't help who I am, but I can hope that someone else out there will appreciate it, someday. ♥

beyond the looking glass

Beyond the looking glass There lies a star Beyond my life There's a fire that glows A song that plays And a fight that goes We fight for our lives We fly for rights Till the day that we die We march with our might With games that are played Because there are those that lie There's a demon in our midst What was ours Had never been How we fought with plight Unleashed our game And opened the story It's all been said before and now again It's a fight we have But do not want We'll keep on walking Without a thought We'll keep a talking Without a rhyme Without a tune We'll keep on fighting Without a mind You won't see the light Till its dark smog has set You can't fight the power So pick up your shield It a never ending story A truth that ends all lies A past with no beginning And a fight that breaks all ties Inside the mirror the truth is not veiled Look at yourself and try, rise now For our life's, I will fly with you One is never enough My hunger has never been filled Thirst for blood, hunger for death I live the life of man For our lives I will fight for us I fight the life of men We fight for our lives We fly for rights Till the day that we die We march with our might With games that are played Because there are those who lie To the demon in ourselves

Ever Wonder...?

Why do people talk? Who started the first conversation? Why do we sigh? Why do we laugh? Why do we cry? We're one of the few mammals on earth that cry because of emotion. Also, why are people afraid of saying how they feel? Animals aren't. Why do we fear things we understand, like phobias? Animals fear things they don't understand. Why do we paint? Why do we write? Why do we take pictures? Why do we keep pets? Why do people hold hands, or kiss, or blush? What does it do that makes us want to do it? Gosh I wonder a whole lot. I have a brain full of pointless questions that can never be answered. But I want to know damn it!
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