I sometimes think it's been too long to cry still.
Everyday I still think of her.
And I wish she was still here.
I feel like I should be over this, that crying is just my weakness showing.
But I admit.
My friends are my weakness.
I would do anything for them.
I would give my life.
If she would come back.
For everybody's sake.
I wish it everyday.
I want her back.
And if there really was a God,
he could make it happen for all of us.
Shannon was very much so the glue that held so many people together.
Including my right mind.
And I slowly am losing it.
With every time I smile, while behind it I am thinking of her.
And the life she led that was so much greater than mine.
She was amazing.
She was going somewhere.
She was famous.
She was everything. To everybody, to her mother.
Who now has no children left.
I lost my best friend, my sister.
She lost her only child.
And for some,
Love.
Shannon, in a sense, was amazingly aware of the way life worked.
I envied her.
Very much so. And often.
I asked her for advice... i don't know - daily, I think.
I just miss her more than anybody could ever imagine.
And everytime a tear drops, I feel like I'm losing a part of me.
I lost my senses when I saw her lying there in that casket.
Over the last few months, I've been slowly getting them back.
But everytime I cry, I lose them again. And they dont' come back until I laugh.
Which, when you're sitting alone, doesn't usually happen.
It's like I am aging faster than I should.
It's me thinking it's my time too.
Because she is gone.
So quickly.
It's not fair.
To anybody.
And I am still crying over this.
Am I that weak?
