2613299's blog: "Life Changing Events"

So, I was working at one of the local jails March of 2008, and was meeting some very interesting people.  But, as with any situation one in particular caught my attention.  He was extremely out of place in the facility.  He was clean, well spoken, polite, and extremely intelligent.  On several occasions when I wasn't having a great day, no matter how hard I tried to mask it; he would call me out on it.  It became almost therapuetic talking to him.  When it came about I was going to have to leave that job I was heartbroken and scared.  Yes I was terribly upset about leaving my job.  I loved it.  But, I was more scared because I had come attached to this fine man.  I came to know Robert as an extremely kind, careing, loving, intelligent, and beautiful man.  We worked out a system to write so that it would not cause problems. About two weeks after I left I wrote the first letter.  I was extremely shocked to quickly receive one back. From then on it seemed as if each of us was flooding each other with letters, drawings, pictures, and the like.  I'd send pages from find a words, he'd send them back with extra words found on them such as love, marriage, kids etc.  In that I started finding that I too was falling in love with him.  It came up that he too had fallen in love with me.  So when he got on early on Oct 13 I was there waiting anxiously to hold and kiss him like I'd wanted to for so long.  By that date I had two 2 inch binders of all his letters, cards, and drawings.  We immediately set out to find his family, and I met them first thing that day!  I became part of that family.  His daughters call me Mommy, his parents accepted me as one of their own (no matter the fact I am white), and even his daughters Grandparents on the otherside adore me.  It was announced we were getting engaged, when we went to church he gave his life to God.  However the thing no one saw coming is the thing that ruined it so terribly for everyone.  It started when the daily phone calls stopped.  From 1 every 2 hrs to none.  Then I got the call from his Mother asking if he was with me, but he wasn't.  He'd been gone a week at that time from their home.  Not doing the lawn jobs we had for the business we were tryin to run.  No Rob had fallen into the lines of his old ways.  First he took my digital camera which I had entrusted him with and sold it for $20 and then began stealing things from his parents.  Last I spoke with him was Christmas Day 2008, he couldn't concentrate on our conversation.  And when I told him I loved him still and still wanted him to get help so we could get married and get custody of the girls...he didn't say anything.  The crack had taken over his will to fight for us anymore.  Last I hear he is now livin in the streets cause his parents put him out.  He had tried to get treatment but failed the test to get into the program cause he was testing positive.  To anyone that reads this...remember what ever your drug of choice you think no one but you is being hurt, but it hurts everyone around you.  I pray daily and sometimes hourly that he will get the help he needs and that we finally get on with the life we'd talked so extensively about.  Yes I still love him madly, despite his faults.  I always will.  Even if/when I find another.  The fact is if I was to find another, if Rob came to me and was truly clean and doing right; I'd leave to be with him.  Yes, my love is that deep.  I guess that's why I haven't been truly serious with anyone since him.  I can't be serious, when I still love Rob so much.