lordzelic's blog: "LORD ZELICS Thoughts"

Seeing as this is my blog and for the exception of a few friends no one that i see on a daily basis reads this or so i think at this point. So i decieded to open up and lay out some truths about me ( Chris ). Even thou i let my ego get the best of me at times i know the cold harsh reality of things at the same time. One of my favorite statements about myself that i am a sexy mother fucker. I say this one quite often but 90 % of the time do not actually believe. Those that know me well know that i see myself as just an average guy or less then average. Now i also must state that if some women look at men as i do women it is more then just looks that attract them even for the initial attraction. Yes i am admitting to the fact that if there is no initial attraction then i wont even attempt to hit on you. I have seen woman that most woudl say are drop dead hot and i dont see it. Well i do but i dont. Let me see how can i explain this one yes there is the obvious in the looks dept. But i also look how the person carries themself. Do they look at the ground as they walk and never make eye contact. That is a big one for me. 80 - 90 % of the initial attraction for me is in the eyes. You can tell alot about a person. The next is thier appearance, now i am not saying they have to be dressed like they walked out of a magazine. But damn it take care of yourself. A woman could be wearing a 50 dollar outfit from walmart and still pull off stunning. I applaud the women that take the hard line I dont wear makeup or shave thier legs. But dont be surprised if we are nothing more than friends. I am not saying change for any one person. And dont get me wrong anyone who stands up for what they believe will always get an OUTFUCKING STANDING from me stick to your guns. The next items that attracts me is a woman that i can actually have an intelligent conversation with. Ok i admit not everyone had studied quantum physics but give me sommething, i dont want to only be able to discuss the food sales at the local Piggly Wiggly. I dont think i have to go into great detail on this point because you either get it or you dont. The next item somewhat goes back to appearance. Now i will admit i have dated and married women of all sizes and shapes. And as some would say i have been riding the scooter. I dont really give a shit about others opinion of what the female looks like if i am attracted to her so be it. Of course i know that it may sound in one statement i sound shallow but then in the next i dont. I feel that i fall somewhere in the happy medium. I obviously dont know how women or what they are exactly attracted to. I also must state there are other things that come into play after the initial attraction but those are not on the agenda for todays discussion. Mainly bacause there is a long list. I also just remembered another big one. If you are one of those women that i see in public yelling at your kids i am gonna walk the other way. I am not saying let your kids get away with murder. But even i know better comeon do the ol lean in and whisper in the ear that one always seems to work like a charm for me. This also picks up the people that are just constantly rude and loud in public all the time big turn off. anywho time for me to work and make some money. Later all

Tonights discussion is on something at one time or another we all do or you lie about it. Cause well here is how i see it. This is something that well plain and simple keeps us single people who can not do the overnight meaningless relationship thing. I will admit when i was younger i did stupid crap like not even bother to get a few names along the way. But as i got older i realized the best sex was when there was meaning. But back on topic of masterbation. I have always said you either do it or you lie about it. Now i realize that there may be some people who dont and i am sorry because you are sexually repressed. Yep i said it you have not enjoyed a good ol orgasm. You may think you have had one but guess again unless you have been trembling all over eye rolling back and not able to move for 10 minutes afterward then you have not had a real orgasm. Of course in my world travels i have learned many things one of them was tantric sex which i must say is outstanding and i can say yes you can achieve orgasm without the physical give aways ( for guys that means ya dont get a hardon). Hay if ya dont practice with yourself how in the hell do you truly know what you like. Just a plain and simple fact in life its fun, relaxing and well a good destresser at the end of the day. One other note when i was younger yes i masterbated to joan jett cause well she was fucken hot. Oh and if you are wondering yes i still masterbate it keeps me from being an asshole.

This is gonna be a short one for the day but i just had to share this. My 8 year old son has learned how to make the fart noise with his armpit. You would think he invented it as an instrument. Along with all the other noise he likes to make he has his own little band when he is taking a shower. Also yes i am encouraging this obviously not in public but it is ok around the house. Of course i am glad he is not going with me to my Regimental Ball. I could see it now the one of the Generals asking his name and he decides to make some weird sound and then the armpit fart. I woudl loose all military composure and just laugh my ass off. Just one of the moments in raising my son by myself only I get to enjoy so i felt the need to share. later all oh yeah one other comment i feel bad for anyone having to take logarithms for college talk about some boring ass crap. Cant wait for physics wont come soon enough

This one is way off from my normal blog but i felt the need to publish these thoughts. While driving to work this week i was listening to the news i heard what was going on in Iraq where insurgents are bombing and killing all sorts of Iraqis in them. Now here is my theory. First we will start with the information that these bombers are targeting areas where men are gathering to find work. Which makes it easy for any bomber to take out large numbers. Next part of information Iraq right now depending on the source you ask has an unemployment rate of over 40%. Next a majority of the insurrgents are coming from the ranks of the unemployed that have ill feelings towards what is going on. These insurrgents are killing thier own friends and family to prove what point. Now here is what i take from the info. With unemployment at 40 % and these numbers are making up the insurrgents. What better way for our government or and agency of our government to take care of unemployment and those that do not agree with us in one quick movement. We as a country have had a load of years to perfect causing havic world wide and making it look like the other guy did it. The numbers of people that are killed every year by our agencies would just asstound most. And i am not including the numbers when we have a sanctioned war going on. Even no counting the war on terror we have troops deployed all over the world on a solid basis. This does not even include the CIA, DIA, NSA and any other agency that runs with somewhat of a free hand. Now do not get me wrong I back everything our government does. Mainly because i see it as this you dont like the ways things are run then vote, or run for fucken office yourself. Now i defended and still defend the right for you to just sit back and bitch about everything but take some damn responsibility in our country that we have so much pride in. Yes pride that binds us as americans that same pride when the towers were hit , the pentagon struck, and the plane brought down in PA. When those events occured and there was a pride in our country that had not been seen for some time. But we can not let this pride in what and who we are drop back down. Our country has gotten fat as a society that just shrugs off what is occuring in the world. Most people perfer to turn a blind eye and then scream and holler when the shit is in our own back yard. As to what i was hinting at int he begining of this was i feel that one of our agencies is setting off some of those bombs that are killing those people over there. Now you may not think it is right but. Look at it this way. Is the life of one person taken worth saving thousands or millions more. I say it is with out a doubt as much as i woudl be willing to die just to save one orther person. Shit if my death could save a hundred that is one of the greatest honors a person could have associated with them. Now i know some may say no life is worth the loss to save another. Well i have something to say to that. One kiss my fucken hairy white ass. Two if it was not for men and women of our great country laying thier life on the line over the past 200 + years. You would not afford all of the freedoms you have now. The next time you bitch about anything our government does I ask you to also thank all the men and women whose blood has spilled to give you that right. Lord knows i am thankful for every friend and family member that has either put thier ass out thier or been given the highest honor. I also need to point out that same right we all have to post our blogs and have our cherrytap pages is defended by these men and women even this very moment. later all

Things I have done in my life that may or may not be the completely most stable choices. Pierced - well lets see i have my ears pierced in two places even thou i dont wear them anymore. I had this done at a time when i felt that it was the thing and i liked the idea. In part i feel that it was a way for me to rebel against society. Now when i got my nipples pierced it was not because it was a trend or kewl looking i did it at first to see if i was enough of a hard ass to handle it. Then shortly afterward i found all of the wonderful and outfucking standing effects. I am on my 4th time pierced on 2 of the previous occasions i had them ripped out the first time i was drunk as fuck and was more pissed about losing the rings. Second time i did not know until the pool was going red from the blood streaming down my chest. The third time as plain aand simple i removed them. All the time after the first the reason i kept having them redone was for pure sexual reasons. You want to talk about one hell of a turn on when a woman is riding you and they reach down and pull talk about such wonderful wonderful joy. Tattooed - Well this one is pretty simple as far back as i can remember growing up i saw my dad had tats. So even as a small child i said when i grew up i was going to get one like my dad did. Once i joined the military it was a done deal. Once i got past all of the wonders of the first i have continued to get them. Now i must say also every artist that has touched my body is world wide known. I have 8 as of right now and continue to get them. I must also say i dont have any of that cartoon looking crap which is ok for some people but not me every one has a meaning 2 of which i drew from scratch. I have sold some of my flash art over the years but never put on my body what i sold and in fact woudl not let them photograph and destroyed the original drawings. I dont push them upon anyone yet i must also say dont judge someone because they have chosen to mark thier body with different stages in life. Stoned - This one may take some people aback a little that know me but i feel that i must be honest on this. I have been stoned before . OMFG yep i sure have i tried weed did nothing for me what a damn let down. Tried acid now i know why they call it a trip. I did enjoy it but i got past that point in life and have not done since although everyonce in awhile i do hope for a flashback. Did opium and i can say i know why my dad fell in such love with this drug in nam. This puts you in such a wonderful place but once again i have grown out of that stage in life. Peyote i did it once and it was a part of a ceremony and i look at that as a major learning experiance in life. Did mushrooms close to acid but not to bad. There may have been a few others along the way but they are not majors or any real memories with them. Now i must say i dont hold drug use against anyone that did when they were younger. And this may offend some people but i dont give a shit if you are over 25 and continue to use drugs on a regular basis grow the fuck up already. I can understand someone smokes a litte weed once every few months to me it is no different then my having a drink once every few months. But once you start not making sure your other obligations are tken care of first you are just a drag on society grow the fuck up. I dont pay all the taxes a year that i do just to support all the fucken dope heads. I must also say dont run out and do what i have done becuase i have done some truly stupid shit along the path. And to be honest some of my most truly stupid moments i was stone sober and trying to do the right thing as i saw it at the time. Except for that time i put that 1SG in the hosp for fucking with me while i was drunk but that is another story for another time. Later all

ok its only a few til midnight and except for running out to get some smokes and something to eat for dinner i have not been out of my office building since 7:05 am. now i am not bitching about my job. I do actually enjoy it. this is more of a bitch about those that push some bs off on others. Not a co-worker more of clients is the issue here. And part of the reson i am here and will be here for atleast 3 more hours if i am counting the print jobs correctly is by my own device as i promised the client that i wouls resolve an issue by the morning. And as to my word i will do it no matter what thank god for coffee and smokes. and yet if it gets to be to late i will crash in my office and be ready to go at 7 am again. Now here is where it eats my ass. You have people that act like it kills them to stay 5 minutes over but expect you to work all the hours in the world. They dont care that you stayed up all night just because somewhere along the line back someone fucked up and it had the ripple effect. but none the less here i am at midnight programmed some , started converting 11 years worth of data, went thru and seperated all old computer and componets including tested them, 6 or 7 certifications exams, read some on myspace have to hit a few key blogs atleast once a day. and damn skorp for making his blog locked i thought i had a chance at finally being first damn it man. anywho. just a tired rant.

ok as i said yesterday i was going to give up some of my interview questions that i used over the past few days and a few from my partner in crime. The faces that we got at times were more then a little difficult not to laugh at. I will say i am not going to give any names or particular details as i dont feel like getting my ass sued. But i feel by putting this information out there i can help any future souls that dare apply for a job with me. First and foremost lets start with the resume. I dont expect everyone to be an english major or be really eloquent because I am not. Take your time and give me something that shows that you want to impress me not something that looks like you tried to write it while taking a shit. There were quite a few that my eight year old could have done better. On the other side there were 3 -4 that really impressed me. They put a lot of time into the resume and thier work ethic showed in a major way. Next the pretest - we required everyone and i mean everyone to take to prescreening tests. Nothing major or truly difficult if you knew the job you were applying for. In this we actually had a few people that i am pretty sure they had someone else take the test for them. Dumbass i guess they did not know they were going to be stuck in a room with 2 computer geeks for the interview. THE INTERVIEW - now i must say this just to get this out of the way. There were purposely thrown in a few questions just to see if they woudl lie to me or not. I dont claim to be a major pro at this but i can generally spot someone lying a mile away. Eye movement and body language are always the give aways. The eye movement is the first if you can not keep eye contact with me when i ask you Have you ever tried drugs then i am pretty sure you are lying to me. I could really care less if you did it when you were younger just dont do it now period. The other is the body language, when you reach up and touch your ear, nose, or cover your mouth you are LYING. I know this to be a fact sorry tough shit i am unforgiving in this. The other item as far as body langauge is two things if you do not sit all the way back in your chair and you are sitting on the edge like you cant wait to leave. WARNING WARNING they are hiding something. The next item it by crossing your arms that is the signal i am being defensive right off the bat. Lastly one this section if i am looking you in the eye be polite enough to keep eye contact. Now for the questions. first i will give my partner in crimes questions as i thought bother were very very good questions even though i gave him hell over one lol. 1. if you could be any animal what would you be and why? now there is no correct answer but this does give you some insight as to the person. and as to thier mental state i am not going to go into all of the answers i got but i did get one that i had not heard before and that was a zebra along with a good reason i was very impressed. 2. in detail tell me how you would make a ham and cheese sandwich with lettuce and mayo? now this is a fairly simple one that about everyone missed but it is purely an exercise in detail and also to see how you work with odd questions on the spot. You would not believe how many people forgot to tell us to get the bread out of the cabinet or bread box. now for my questions i am going to skip all the standard ones that you hear from every interview. I will start first with the questions that are purely in there for throw off questions or lead to the psychology of a person. 1. what is your favorite color? there is a reson to this madness 2.what is your greatest accomplishment? this one is fairly easy for everyone to answer but i am looking for more then the scripted answers interact with me tell me a little story something. 3. what is your greatest failure? this question i asked for the reason to see if a person was able to admit that they have made mistakes in thier life it shows a certain level of maturity. 4. what time do you get up in the morning ? this tells alot about the persons works habits and thier jobs in the past. 5. two reasons i shoudl hire you? now this one is pretty standard but there is a reason to the madness and leads to my next question. 6. give me two reasons i should not hire you? this is the deer in the headlight question. Most people looked at me like i was 3 shades of crazy or why in chirst name woudl i give you reasons not to hire me. The reason for this once again is a maturity thing. If you can not be honest with yourself about your weak points then how can i expect for you to be honest with me. there were many more questions but only these were odd or freshly used questions. I must state as much as every candidate was nervous so were my partner in crime and i. This was something that literally took it out of us and wore us out. This is never an easy process. You sometimes come down to a list of people that you just dont want to cut down you wish you could hire 3 - 4 because they were all very good and were very impressive. But there are always alot of factors that come into in the interview process. I dont look forward to the next time we have to do this and honestly dread having to fire someone much more than this. I just want to give some people pointers for the interviewing world and i hope this helps at least one person.