It's been awhile since I have written anything about myself, so I here I am. I figured this would be a good place to start for those who don't know me yet or a helpful guide for those who do. I was diagnosed with severe depression with high anxiety (along with low self esteem and a couple fear related disorders) last year. Now before anyone get's the wrong idea, most of the time I am fine. Normal everyday person. Granted, my nerves/anxiety tends to really kick in when I am in large groups of people. Also, beautiful women tend to set off my nerves as well. Think of it as your average person getting the case of the nerves times ten.
The depression comes and goes on it's own. Sometimes random events trigger it. Sometimes it just hits me out of no where. I've also noticed my migrane medication tends to set it into high gear when I take a full dose. Nice... What does all this mean? Well I tend to blame myself when something goes wrong or if some innocent event happens. Even though I know in my head nothing happened, I tend to think I messed things up on my own. Sadly, this often gives people the wrong impression of who I really am and has cost me more friendships/relationships than I care to admit to.
I am currently seeing a therapist and making great strides. Things are going well, but I tend to have a relapse every so often. Esepcially after a family argument (which happens fairly often these days) or just having a bad day. Take this past saturday for example. I had a terrible day. No sleep the night before, terribly uncomfortable (the temp went up), I was a walking zombie, people would talk to me and all I'd get was "Whua, whua, whua whuaaaa..." As luck would have it, most of the people I talk to for cheering up weren't around. Or if they were, I seemed to keep catching them just as they were logging out.
With all that, I was just fine today, back to my normal self. Though, with a few apologies to hand out, since I was upset. I tended to let my imagination get the better of me. I thought I had upset someone close to me and well, I didn't. *sigh* It bugs me when I let that happen, but it does on occasion. So, hun... If you are reading this. I am sorry about that.
