Ya know, i realized today, after talking to Derek... my head is pretty screwed up at times... i mean, after my mom died, things went downhill for me... BAD... i didn't know how to react to things... that STILL is something i deal with on a daily basis... i over react to small stuff, and under react to big things.... it's strange... it really messes w/ my thought process sometimes.... I was brutally honest telling him everything about me today. I am sick of people realizing it later and going whoa... ok, you're crazy. But, i think hes cool w/ it right now... we've been chatting like all day, so it's been pretty cool... in so many ways he reminds me of lindon... in like, the good ways, not the bad ones... all of the characteristics i loved about lindon, i really like in derek... and HE doesn't have an issue w/ my kids... First guy i liked who went out of his way to ask about my kids, AND BY NAME.... not just "how's ur kid" type thing... he actually directly asked something about Tash, calling her by name. I about fell out of my chair... ok not literally... but still... it was amazing.
I dunno, i still have a lot of growing up to do... i know this.. and being not on my meds the past month has really messed w/ me... my doc wont give me what i need, and w/ all the added stress in my life... i have begun to just get worn out from it...
but, i am going to have them put me back on the lexapro. and maybe trazadone. so i can SLEEP... not sleeping really sucks ass... causes me to get cranky *lol*
anyways, i need to brush my hair and be off to work... derek's gonna be up chatting w/me for a while :)
