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Angel from my nightmare

It sucks having to count down the days till I will be in his arms again I miss him so bad an cannot wait till he is out!! I love the way he brushes my hair back an kisses my forehead an my eyelids an calls me beautiful. I love every touch from his fingertips an the adventure he gives me there's never a dull moment when we are together! I love that he has taken the fall for me so many times an that my name is tattooed on his arm. I love that he loves me unconditionally an knows all my secret spots an knows when I need him to kiss the pain away. I love that he shares everything he has with me even when I'm bein a mean hateful bitch he still gives into me even if I don't deserve it. I love that at night he holds me close an says he loves me even tho he doesn't realize he is doing it. I love that in the morning when he gets up an I am still asleep he gets out of bed quiet so he doesn't wake me. I love when we drive down the road an he puts his hand on my leg or holds my hand. It's amazing that thru all the ups an downs we have had an times an spaces apart we always in up back together. I hope I meet him in my dreams tonight an we have an adventure. I don't think I could ever love someone as much as I do him no matter how far apart or how many times we breakup he's always gonna be the one an I'm always gonna be the one. Something in the universe always brings us back together it's crazy how it works but it always does. I love you baby an hope you dream of me <3

Blah

Things have been going well lately been getting alot of time in with my family which I love with my whole heart, yet I am still so bored and lonely I love them all but they have no idea what I am going thru nor do I want them to know. Still I want to be close to them an alone at the same time I feel so insane I hate that i feel this way I just wanna stop thinkin for while but no matter what I do my mind is always runnin takin me places I don't wanna go . I just don't know what to do or say or how to feel better alone. I just wish things were so much easier but they never get easier or clearer grrr.

Confused

I left him yesterday and I know that I did the right thing. I can't handle the crazy fights. But why does it feel like part of me is lost at sea floating away and I can't swim to it. I wanna cry but I'm just to tired I wanna sleep but I'm all outa pills. I wanna be anywhere in the world as long as it's just him and I. But we can't hide away from the world forever. I wonder what he's doing I wonder if he's thinking of me does he feel just as empty? We break up and make up all the time but never like this there's something in me that makes me feel like this times different. I just want to be in his arms but the only time I'm happy is when we are high and I'm tired of being high. I just feel so blah I wanna be happy but don't know if I can or if I deserve it. I'm not sure if I'm capable of being happy. I don't know who I am with him I've always just been his soul mate now it feels like I don't have a soul.

I got a gift from a friend the other day a very cute magnent that says "LOVE LIKE YOU'VE NEVER BEEN HURT" it made me tear up a lil and I try to do that but the hurt is so deep sometimes I find myself not wanting to love at all. I want to love but sometimes I wanna lock my heart up so tight that I cannot let anyone in to see the beauty it holds so it can't be hurt again. I had an aunt pass away and I saw her husband at the wake they were married 52 years I could see the complete loss and pain and love he had for her in his eyes and it broke my heart. It made me even more confused and sad. Why do I want love when it is such a vicious thing?

Waiting

In the night I wait in fear and sorrow for the moment for you to come. I wait to see your figure creeping through the darkness. Paralyed as you wrap me in your embrace. I wait for the sweet kiss of death to send me to an everlasting sleep. Alone in the night how long is the wait.

love

Why is love so difficult? Why is so hard for mr to open my heart and let love in? I have so many choices and it seems like I'm not happy with any of them. Every guy I'm intrested in has some kind of trait that i like but somewhere in him there are two traits to cancel out that one. There are so many guys out there all I'm looking for is one like me. Able to adjust to any situation fun and caring and faithful and killer sex someone I can trust to let have my heart. I've given my heart to the guys that break it and leave me to heal alone. But wanna come back mths later like they never hurt me. I'm starting to think there is no right guy out there and I'm tired of settling foe loser. Sometimes I love being single and who I am but there are other times I need to be held and told I am loved and beautiful. Why is love so difficult??

Imaginary Friend

All I need is one person to understand what is going on in my life. Someone who can comfort me and be by myside down to ride with me. Someone who can protect me from the demons that I battle alone. Someone I can trust with my secrets and fears. I'm tired of going at it alone. I'm tired of feeling like it's just me. I want someone who I can let in my secret garden. Someone like me who needs to run away and find that trust and comfort in someone. I hardly make sense but I know what I want and waht I'm looking for but I fear it's not looking for me.

Boredom!!!

I'm so fucking bored I can't handle it!! I'm tired of Indiana ready to take off and go party and hang out somewhere else!! I'm bored and restless and ready to take off!! I just need a change of pace everything around me is so slow and I feel like I'm moving to fast for everyone and everything. I wanna be in the car passing people as fast as it feels like my mind is going. Or I need to get fucked up and slow myself down. I hate feeling like i need to run away like there's something better somewhere else that will slow me down. I wanna scream I wanna jump in a semi with a truck driver and just travel I'm tired of being here... grrrrrr.. I wanna scream I'm so bored and it seems nothing around here satisfies me. I'm so bored I'm babbling in a god damn fucking blog!!

Falling into oblivion

It feels so alone right now I hate the fact that noone understands what I am going through and it feels I have noone to talk to about it. I can't talk to much about it to my friends because everything I am going through is my fault in some way and why talk about it when noone understands not even me. I just want to be held and protected. Right now I feel I am alone in the darkness trying to fight off my fears. I'm scared and tired and lonely and trying not to be. I don't know how I can let this effect me so much and I know no one believes me when I say I don't want him back or love him. I'm not going to take him back and I am scared of what he has planed noone thinks it's a big deal but I feel it coming I feel it's not over and I need to be protected. I hate being scared of someone I use to spend all my time with and at one point I thought I loved. I hate that noone has any faith in me any more. I wish I could turn back time and change all the things I did. I don't regret anything I have ever done I have been sorry when it's over or would have done it differently so I wouln't have hurt so many people or myself so much.

Inside the storm

Well the storm that has been clouding over me hit to day. I got the dreaded letter from my p.o.s ex. I knew it would come and I wished that it wouldn't. Trying to play mind games with me has me a little worried about what he will do to me when he gets out. I thought this was all over I want it to be all over! I can't handle going through all this it's over between us and I no longer care what he has to say but still I get a letter once a month from him trying to fuck with me. What can I do? How do I feel safe? I want to run away where he can't find me. I have no feelings for him and I just want to be left alone I was scared of him when I was with him why should I have to be scared of him when we're not together? I don't know what to do. I've told him how I feel and I don't care how he feels about me. what can I do??
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