Lifes simple pleasures's blog: "Life"

Pain Why does life hurt so much? Why cant things be right? I dont understand it hurts so much inside... Im proud that im gonna be a father, and I brought a new breath in tis world, I wanted out child to have the life we never had... I wanted that family, that love of my life, and all in one night it all gets taken away. I dont know how to deal, I dont know how to cope, You might as well tkae a knife and cut my fuckin throat, you took my breath, you took my heart, you splattered it all, now im coated in blood, I cant take the pain or the hurt, just one more cut, just a lil more squirt, a few more minutes, and all ends soon, Wait... I cant leave this world yet, I love my my child, I want the normal life, maybe just a lil while, I love you so much even though you you hurt me so bad, I hate this feelin a pain so bad, I want to make you laugh, no more tears, I want it all to stop ill drink no more beers... You left without a clue no warning, no sighn, all I ever wanted was for you forever mine... I know I wasnt the greatest, I know I wasnt the best, I gave you another chance and you faild the test.. You broke my heart, you tore me down, You killed my soul, and ripped another whole in this broken heart, another lie told, I dont know what to do or what to feel, all I want is for us to have a normal family and thats for real, but you stopped lovin, caring and feeling, theres nothin left, so again im stuck in a life I hate.. When will I get my happyness, I dont want to no longer wait.. I dont want to be alone, im to sad inside, everytime I turn around I break down and cry, I cry because im a man, who ever says Im a bitch, fuck you, damn!!!

As the last 3 weeks have past I never knew how difficult life could be... Things have taken a turn for the worst.. but I have one good thing out of it and thats the fact that im havin a baby girl.. Durring these 3 weeks I have lost just about everything.. I lost love, life and happyness.. The love is the mother of my baby girl, I was hopeing that we would get married and start our family but she left me for another person, my life was lost due to this because I lost the family I never had since she left me and its the most painful thing ive been through in life and along with that, that was all I ever wanted for happyness, I really wish things were different that she would see how much I really do care and how much it does hurt me inside.. I cant hide the pain no more crying myself to sleep everynight as I go to bed alone knowing that she is with someone else and that person gets to enjoy all the pleasentries of thisd pregnancy and I dont.. I know now im gonna miss out on alot of those precious moments with my daughter before and after she is born and I think thats the most painful part of it all... I miss all the nights of fallin asleep with her holding her stomach where my daughter lays talking to her in the whomb, telling her how much daddy loves her and mommy and how great of a family we are goin to have.. I dont know what to do about any of this I wish things were different but I guess everything happens for a reason.. What these reasons are I dont know but I guess only time will tell.. Nothing has ever gone right in my life and I guess I was hopeing this would be the thing that did.. all I want is happyness but when will I get it? I look back in my life I see that I have made alot of bad deccissions that are still affecting me today and as hard as i try to fix them it seems I just get knocked right back down and this time im having a hard time puttin myself back togather again but im trying to.. but as an ending im gonna say to my unborn baby girl.. Daddy Loves You Autumn Valerie and no man will ever love more than me.. Your my life and my world and your all I have left to lose and I WILL NOT LOSE YOU!! I love you princess for ever and alway daddy loves you..