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bluepheonyx's blog: "life pt 1"

created on 02/29/2008  |  http://fubar.com/life-pt-1/b193493

life pt 2

the past year and a half has been the most trying time of my life. between loss, pain, illness, & depression, i have reached the lowest points i have ever known. in the disaster that became my life i crumbled, in the mess i have become, i've destroyed anything good that has come my way. in the darkness i have come to know, my inability to see the light has caused me to hurt many people, some of whom i cared for very much, one i loved dearly. i see now that my bitterness, my pain is slowly killing me. i cannot fix anything around me because i, myself, am broken. i was once the rock, the mountain, everyone turned to me for support for strength. i have had people devote themselves to me, love me, look to me for guidence, but i have been drained, grown weak in my despair. it has to end, now. the phoenix is a mythological bird, a legendary creature that rises from the ashes of it's own destruction. so too shall i rise from my own ashes, i will find my strength again, i will be whole, complete once more. i will be better, stronger, more wise as i will be the man i once was, changed, improved by the the experiences i have been through, the hardships i have endured, the adversity i have overcome. today i start anew, so stand back and witness the magic as i take flight and soar among the heavens.

life pt 1

i have been on an interesting journey, full of highs and lows. two weeks before christmas of '06 my now ex fiance and i split up after a little more than two and a half years. i was devastated and pretty much just crumbled. i have never loved anyone or been in love like i was with her. she meant the world & more to me and it's been a very intense time for me since then. i have learned alot though, through it all, being with her and losing her. i have grown as a person, as a man. she made me see things in myself that i didn't know existed, taught me about a love i thought only existed in stories and faerie tales....i know now how much i can care about someone, how much i can love and how deep that love can truely be. i know that i can truely sacrifice anything and everything for someone else's happyness and that it can truely be gratifying just to simply see someone else smile. it's amazing how much one person can change your life and make you realize what lies hidden inside you. for all the pain i have experienced there is so much more good that has come from the whole experience and despite my loss, i am truely grateful for everything. i am trying to move on now and taking all i have learned with me. i know that there is someone out there for me and feel that i am truely ready to be the man that she needs me to be.....it's a wonderful feeling...knowing i have so much to give...knowing that there is true happiness in this all too often miserable world. with a little faith, an open mind, and a giving heart... wonders are possible. i wouldn't want anyone to know the pain i've felt, but i do wish everyone cold feel the absolut and incredible joys i've known.
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