bigJwhits's blog: "life is easy some times and hard as hell sometimes"

so I ask myself what is love is it just a feeling or is it something bigger is it a way of life I do not know but I was in love once and its a crazy thing I miss that it was like my life was different not the same almost in-between real and fake but I know I was happier than I ever was it was like I was living someone else's life then it went all bad I got engaged and then I found out she cheated on me and I dumped her and ever since then I have been questioning myself I closed myself out and now I need to open back up and start living again its like I have changed to some one I do not know I want to love again and its hard when all I do is kickit at home on the computer its interesting to meet people on here but I don't expect to find miss right on here its fun talkin to females on here but you never know what kind of person some one is until you hang out with them for a while and still that isn't always show you who some one is unless they open up and let you into their mind I am a good judge of character but I have been wrong before no one is perfect but I am a good guy and all I want is to be happy and make some one else happy I believe it could happen but not if I don't get back out there and find that lady that I have been looking for all my life my soul mate I am a funny kind of guy but I am shy when I meet a female I like so thas hard to get things started I end up being friends when I really want a relationship maybe I am doomed to be alone I don't know it all depends on me and that's a fact I am just confused on were to start so love will not just find me if I am home on the computer all the time I realized that fact but were do I go I don't drink too much so bars are out of the question and I am not sure were else to look I want to be happy again like I was its like no feeling I have ever felt my friends said I found true love by the way I was acting but it didn't last but I guess it wasn't meant to be I believe in destiny things happen for a reason but what that reason is I haven't a clue life is just a long line of choices and decisions and I am here to say I can't diside what I want to do but I want to do something different than what I have been doing and thats not too much just chillin on here tryin to figure out what I want so thats all for now hit me up if ya want to get to know a good guy I am nice and funny and a real person I can't stand people who act like something they aren't so be real

one minite you are on top of the world and you think no one can nock you off and then bamm it happens the life you know is a thing of the past I am still trying to pick up all the peices its so scattered that its taking me alot more time than I ever expected but I am doing it and thats that and I am trying to find a new career but thas a complicated one I have worked construction all my life well at least half 13 years and its been good to me but its time to find my calling I am starting to think its in creative writing but who knows if I can make a living doing that I am a single 26 yr old guy just lost in the balince of life I am not on top any more and I am climbing up from the bottom and the second time climbing up is twice as hard because you look at the past alot and in my case the past hurts alot I have been burned by all kinds of people in my life but I need to learn to trust people again and biggist of all I need to find the confidence and trust in myself I had it before but its like it was never there but I now it is in there some were I know no one will probaly read this but if you do I need some constructive critism on were to go next I am stumped and I don't trust my own judgment so it makes disiding on what I am gonna do now is but I know I need a girlfriend that would be good I was single for the last 8 years acecpt for my ex feonsae that was a wild ride we were together for about a cupple of months and then she left me and it was a short seperation but when we got back together I proposed to her and she said yes but things went down hill from there I geuss it just wasn't ment to be even know I love her with all my heart and always will but she also broke my heart worst than any female that has hurt me like that she cheated on me and I broke the ingagment off and thas enough of that but I am lonly and I want to find my match I had it once I thought but I want to be loved and thas all not used for what I have or what I can do for some one for me I am a nice guy and as the saying goes the nice guy always finishes last and that sux because it apears to be true well thats all for now show me some love