Appearances are very deceiving some times. It's amazing how I am my own worst enemy. I have well, for most of my life felt trapped. Fighting things inside of myself. Out of control, hurt. I literally have felt like hands were being put over my mouth while I try to scream for help and let me out. Watching the world go by as I slip into a deep abyss of pain and darkness.
I am waking up from a life time of feeling so lost and trapped. It's so hard. I get so scared but keep my focus.
I am in therapy that is helping me with my meditation amongst many other things. I have also reached out to criminal services to take care of what I need to do to protect myself.
I haven't taken much time for myself for the most part of my life. It's taken me a very long time to admit at how hurt I've been by my ex. I have to let this go and am finally learning how.
Opening up my eyes to a lot of things has put me into a state where memories flood my mind, heart, and soul. Some memories are painful and some are wonderful. I'm accepting and feeling the love of others and allowing myself to truly trust others.
Being closed up like this has caused me to hurt myself and so many of those I love. Letting go of trying to make amends and worry about myself and my son is what counts. Hell, I'm a mother who works two jobs at home to do just that.
I am having to relearn everything all over again. For a change though I am learning from my mistakes. Here is to knowing oneself.
