Sorcey's blog: "Sadistic Tendacies"

The wind blows in from the North. At first I was scared at what I heard and could feel in my heart. The things that have been happening to me. The power that comes from the messages I hear from back home. Many do not believe in my ways or what I hear. Many would think I am crazy. For I am not crazy. The wind from the North brings endurance and strength. For in that place where I came from has made me strong enough to deal with the great evil I am facing here in Ohio. Back in the days of old when we still remembered who and what we are the whole village would dance with me to act out my visions. From my visions I would gain great power and understanding. Times are changed. I must find another and better way to do this. I become sad when I know the truth of what is and what will be. When I warn others that they do not need to live in darkness. I too am in this darkness but I prevail. For I am filled with light and hope once again. I see the eagle in my dreams guiding me. I hear the voice of the eagle guiding me back home to my heart.

Appearances are very deceiving some times. It's amazing how I am my own worst enemy. I have well, for most of my life felt trapped. Fighting things inside of myself. Out of control, hurt. I literally have felt like hands were being put over my mouth while I try to scream for help and let me out. Watching the world go by as I slip into a deep abyss of pain and darkness. I am waking up from a life time of feeling so lost and trapped. It's so hard. I get so scared but keep my focus. I am in therapy that is helping me with my meditation amongst many other things. I have also reached out to criminal services to take care of what I need to do to protect myself. I haven't taken much time for myself for the most part of my life. It's taken me a very long time to admit at how hurt I've been by my ex. I have to let this go and am finally learning how. Opening up my eyes to a lot of things has put me into a state where memories flood my mind, heart, and soul. Some memories are painful and some are wonderful. I'm accepting and feeling the love of others and allowing myself to truly trust others. Being closed up like this has caused me to hurt myself and so many of those I love. Letting go of trying to make amends and worry about myself and my son is what counts. Hell, I'm a mother who works two jobs at home to do just that. I am having to relearn everything all over again. For a change though I am learning from my mistakes. Here is to knowing oneself.

So I have been through a lot these last years since my divorce as many of my closer friends know. I have been extremely ill meaning in great pain. So, I found out that the problem with my foot is a bone spur. Anyhow the other painful problems have been caused from fibromyalgia. Living in Ohio has sucked before so now it is even worse. Due to my illness I had to go to the emergency room and could barely walk. I had to have the ex husband take me. Ahkkk!!!!! I made the decision to move closer to my closest friends and family. Hell I should of done this years ago. When I do it or how is only my concern for now. What I will say is that it is not going to happen until my son gets out of school. My goodness as if I have ever been normal before anyway. I will keep my closest friends and family informed of the events to come. The good news is that my health is improving and lost 10 pounds. I will try to quit smoking again.

Ha ha! I'm naked and not sharing. I haven't said that in awhile. So! Nope, I'm not sharing.

My first entry is that I've gone several days now without a cigarette. I don't need a cigarette. I may need to go clean again to get my mind off of the nicotine addiction. Fuck you! Remember, I bite first.