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Happy Birthday to the one who taught….me about life, how to love, to live, to feel pain, experience broken promises, and dreams. My 1st broken heart, feel the rage of jealously, to never trust another man, to allow emotions I was never allowed to feel to pour freely from the depths of my hidden soul. You taught me patience, how to control my emotions, how to forgive but never forget. You taught me without ever knowing the true meaning of unconditional love and acceptance. Without you coming into my life I would not be the woman I am today. Though you came in and out of my life like an unexpected storm, staying long enough just to cause enough damage to allow all those emotions for me to struggle with again, and off you left to experience all those “spices” of life, leaving me alone with those feelings again.
The good and the bad memories have fallen upon me once again . . . the “cotton flower” that you ran out into the middle of a field to pick for me. You handed me the flower telling me this was the best flower because it will last forever and never die … kissing me … and whispering … like my love for you. Many times you’ve called me your “rock”, we communicated through unspoken words; through dreams you came to visit me, calling me to see if I heard the words you spoke to me. So many memories in between from then to when you gave me away … from across the bar … you sent me away … said I was crowding you … I needed to go away … Home I went … rejected again … knowing you were leaving soon. You approached the one I’m with now … not truly knowing who he was … told him “she deserves much more then me … I can’t give her what she needs … she means the world to me .. she’s my rock you see … I love her but don’t tell her so … my life is not for her … I only hurt her when I’m here … variety is what I need … she needs someone to care for her .. some one who can give her more … she’s worth it man … take care of her … don’t ever let her go. David sat and talked with you … pretending that he didn’t know who you were or who I am … taking in everything you had to say about me.
You stayed away for many years … our son wanted to see his dad … contacts were made and we met … you couldn’t believe I remarried again … the man you told to take care of me … you told me the story and said I didn’t think anyone would take me serious. I could see the hurt in your eyes … especially when you saw the lil one by my side. You continued for years to fill me full of empty hopes and lies … phone calls telling me how much you loved you’re “Niecee” so. You allowed the devil many years ago to take your soul… disease and substance abuse was all you had. I turned my back on you this time… I couldn’t let you know the truth… regrets yes there are a few, would I take this ride again? HELL YA!!! I wouldn’t be who I am today… If you didn’t teach me about life along the way.
When you died all I could do was laugh and celebrate you were gone and out of pain … your birthday comes … you’d be 52 and I can only feel blue. You never were a man to me … just a boy who loved variety. Tears fall down my face . . . my soul screams … I miss you more then you’ll ever know … you’re the one who rocked my world … I can never feel you again! You told me to live my life, be happy … “variety is the spice of life” … I’m trying to follow through … but lessons learned have scared me so … sometimes I’m even afraid to move.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TIM, you fucken asshole! =)
