Hello there,
There seems to be many mistakes and illusions about who I am out there. First of all, I would like to let everyone know that I am not such a bad guy. I mean, if you really focus on all of the things that you love the most in this world, would you really thank anyone but me for having them around? Where would you be if I hadn't talked Eve into having an apple? You must always consider the source when looking into where you should stand. Sure, I'm aware that there's a book out there that says I run a particularly nasty place, with all sorts of tortures and pain involved. Well, if you wanted people to come to your party, would you tell everyone how great the other party is?
What are the things you love? Sex? Alcohol? Strip clubs? You like to drive fast and watch violent movies? I know what you like. You want big toys, fast cars, loose partners. You want fast thrills, no spills, and cheap pills. I know what you want, and I brought it to you. I'm that kind of guy. What kind of man creates you and gives you temptation? He gives you the core desires you wake up to every day, and then threatens you if you act on them! Is this a man you wish to follow? This man is my competition. He wants you to be humble before him. He wants you to lay down all your possessions and put them in his collection plate. He sends you leagues and leagues of men in robes to come and take all your money in the name of humility. He wages war and then blames it on ME!
You've been given a pretty bad impression of Hell, I'm sure. I can't see your face but I know what you're thinking. Fire, screams, anguish, blah blah blah. Think about it! What kind of things does God use to keep you out of his little elite club? You touched a woman? Did you cheat on your spouse? Did you kill a man? You acted on desire, my friend, impulse and instinct, and that's where I come in.
I'm not your enemy, I'm your number one fan. I bring you money, sex, and power. I bring you bliss, all for the simple price of guaranteeing you'll come to my party instead of his. We've got all the interesting characters down here anyway. God gives you a hundred reasons why you should not be allowed in Heaven, and not only do I offer you no means by which to be excluded from Hell, I'll pay you to come in. Remember always that I am an angel, a BEAUTIFUL angel by all standards, and that's why the big guy had to kick me out. He wants everyone humble before him, nobody can be a bigger show than the prideful bastard, and you just can't be humble when you look this damn good. So he waged his war and kicked me out. I'm down here with the other angels who were just sick of it all. He can change my name all he wants, but you say demon, and I say angel.
When it all boils down, I'm really just helping you along. I want you to succeed, have great wealth, and be confident and proud of yourself. I want you to stand on the world and shout your primal scream and be happy to be alive, and then come on down and join the rest of us who see through it all. Me... I'm just a businessman... and I hope we make a deal real soon.
See you around.
Lucifer
