You know what I hate? Statement Cookies. What's a Statement Cookie you might ask? It's that little cookie at the bottom of your Chinese takeout bag that has a little piece of paper in it that is NOT a fortune. Instead of a something premonitory such as: "You will meet someone special soon." It says bullshit like: "You are a driven person, keep it up." Thanks Statement Cookie, I realize I'm a motherfucking driven person NOW, but I want to know what happens NEXT, like a FORTUNE Cookie is supposed to tell me. Honestly I would prefer any fortune over a statement even if it was any of these (TRUE!) examples: -You will be invited to a Karaoke party -Your present plants will succeed -A nice cake is waiting for you -Don't kiss an elephant on the lips today -You may attend a party where strange customs prevail -You are going to have new clothes -You will get a cat to lower your stress level -You are going to get fat and lose your hair -You will receive a fortune (cookie)
