DonkeyPunch's blog: "Lances' list of things to bitch at."

created on 04/14/2008 | http://fubar.com/lances-list-of-things-to-bitch-at/b207200

posted on 11/18/2010&nbs-08:00;@&nbs-08:00;06:11&nbs-08:00;pm

Lances FanFuckingTastic Rant Issue #7
http://fubar.com/lances-fanfuckingtastic-rant-issue-7/b207200-1136616

That there hasn't been a gem of a summer song like LFO's "Summer Girls" since it came out in 1999. (Don't you wish there was an international font for sarcasm?)

After hearing Katy Perry's new Grammy deserving song "California Gurls" it got me thinking about what my favorite songs of summers past are. Jimmy Buffet comes to mind, as does almost every country song known to man, the Beach Boys, even a little Tupac. But then it hit me, like a wave of 90's hair gel: "Summer Girls."

I started thinking, I like girls that wear Abercrombie and Fitch! Chinese food totally makes ME sick!!! And oh my god, it's totally fucking fly when girls stop by for the SUMMER!! EEEEEEEEEEEIIII!!!!!!! That's totes my jam!

No really, let's get down to the nitty gritty, the pure brilliance to this song of the century. Let's dissect some of my favorite lyrics....

Hip hop marmalade (Love it on my toast in the morning) spic and span,

Met you one summer and it all began

You're the best girl that I ever did see,

The great Larry Bird Jersey 33 (Wait, what?)

When you take a sip you buzz like a hornet (At least she's a cheap date)

There's a good man named Paul Revere (If I'm not mistaken, Mr Revere has been deceased for almost 200 years)

When I met you I said my name was Rich (He got me at, YO, I'm Rich)

You look like a girl from Abercrombie and Fitch (And that's a compliment?)

Like the color purple, macaroni and cheese,

Ruby red slippers and a bunch of trees (Ok, now he's just listing things because they rhyme)

I like Kevin Bacon, but I hate Footloose (That's where he lost me. I hate Kevin Bacon but LOVE Footloose)

And finally, my absolute favorite line and perhaps my favorite song lyric of all time: