Well let me tell you some facts.
I am vertically challenged (oh and mentally) So I really need someone tall and with brains to compensate for my short comings. My IQ is about 25 last time I checked (note to self...must redo that Mensa test again because I think that was a little high) so don't expect any intelligent conversation but I do like to talk but usually no one understands what I'm trying to say. The crack and booze have eaten my brain.

I am widower 4 times actually (maybe more as I have dementia) I killed them all (but I haven't been caught yet)Hmmmm...I wonder if I would be classified as a serial killer. When I thought they were onto me I fled to Puerto Vallarta in my car (took 3 days...I am a great driver) I hid out there with all the other felons for a year. I blended pretty good. I learned to speak "Mexican". Got a lagit job braiding hair on the beach and working at "Hunks "R" Us".(I'm sure I recognize your faces on fubar...you naughty girls!!) I became Catholic and prayed to the Virgin every morning. Life was great there when I wasn't suffering from diarrhea, you have no idea how many times I s*** myself. Thats when I became hooked on drugs because I could buy whatever I wanted without a prescription.

Then all of a sudden my "GIG" was up ..."Dog" the Bounty Hunter shows up at my door with his magnificent MULLET and handcuffs....(that's why he went to jail in Puerto Vallarta!!)

Did I forget to mention I have 8 kids with 9 different mothers. I left them on various doorsteps, trains,my favorite was lost in a poker game, SPCA (one was so ugly that was my only hope of finding it a good home) I really hope I don't have any more because I really don't want any more. Kids... if you read this don't try contacting me...you can't prove anything!!!Did I mention I can cook? My second wife sent me to Provence to take a cooking class for a month. That's where I met my third wife, Sue(I poisoned her...big surprise) My favorite pick up line "Do you like fish?"
I have been called Peter Pan but I'm not sure why.
I am bi-polar and get severe male PMS (that's usually when I get really angry and do the killings) Anger management classes were kind of a waste of time...
But there is one great thing, I have collected so much money from life insurance policies and my whore house is racking in the cash you won't have to work another day in your life. I have a puussy so please don't come over if you have allergies, because my cat doesn't like to be sneezed on and when your face swells up it scares him. His name is Kramer and he calls me "Mama" so clearly it freaks me out, especially when I'm trippin on acid.
I love to travel and one of my favorite places is Amsterdam, I just love the coffee shops and the "Smart" shops(I walked outta there with a brilliant mind ..let me tell you!!! I was hungry from being at the coffee shops and these guys at the "smart shop" had food...the sign said "smart", so I ate the shrooms because thats all the food they seemed to have at the time. They were really gourmet from so many countries and I'm into food so I chose Thailand and sampled their specialty.
Well, wouldn't you know it within an hour my IQ went up 150 points and I was on the mother ship...I can't tell you the rest...sorry
I read my horoscope daily(province)then my day revolves around that.
If I play scrabble with you don't worry you'll always win because I can only find 3 letter words.

DISCLAIMER If you have no sense of humor and believe all of the above "PLEASE" don't contact me.......YOU ARE BORING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!