LURCH's blog: "Just some stories .."

A husband wakes up with a huge hangover the night > after a business function. He forces himself to open his eyes and > the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water > on the bedside table. And, next to them, a single red rose! The husband > sits up in bed and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and > pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, > spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes > when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom > mirror and notices a note on the table: Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping, Love > you! He stumbles into the kitchen and sure enough, > there is hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the > table, eating. The husband asks, Son... what happened last > night?! Well, you came home after 3 am, drunk and out of > your mind. You broke the coffee table, puked in the hallway and got > that black eye when you ran into the door. The husband asks, So, why is everything in such > perfect order, so clean, I have a rose and breakfast is on the > table waiting for me?? >His son replies, Oh, THAT? Mom dragged you to the > bedroom and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, Leave me alone, bitch, I'm married! > > > > > >Broken table--$200 > > >Hot breakfast--$5 > > >Red rose bud--$3 > > >Two aspirins--$.25 > > >Saying the right thing, at the right time . . . > PRICELESS!

You got to love this guy. This is a true story about a recent wedding that took place at Clemson University . It made the local newspaper; even Jay Leno mentioned it. It was a huge wedding with about 300 guests. After the wedding, at the reception, the groom got up on stage with a microphone to talk to the crowd. He said he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding. He especially wanted to thank the bride's family & to especially thank his new father-in-law for providing such a lavish reception. As a token of his deep appreciation he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift just from him. So taped to the bottom of everyone's chair, including the wedding party, were an envelope. He stressed that this was his gift to everyone, & asked them to open their envelope. Inside each manila envelope was an 8 x 10 glossy of his bride having sex with his best friend, the best man. The groom had gotten suspicious of them weeks earlier & had hired a private detective to tail them. After just standing there, just watching the guests' reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to his best man & said, 'F--- you!' Then he turned to his bride & said, 'F--- you!' Then he turned back to the dumbfounded crowd & said, 'I'm outta here.' He had the marriage annulled first thing the following morning. While most people would have canceled the Wedding immediately after finding out about the affair, this guy goes through with the charade, as if nothing were wrong. His revenge--making the bride' s parents pay over $32,000 for a 300+ guest wedding & reception, & best of all, trashing the bride's & his best man's reputations in front of 300+ friends & family members. This guy has balls the size of church bells. Do you think we might get a Master Card 'PRICELESS' commercial out of this? Elegant wedding reception for 300 family members & friends: $32,000... Wedding photographs commemorating the Occasion: $3,000... Deluxe two week honeymoon accommodations in Maui : $8,500... The look on everyone's face when they see the 8x10 glossy of the bride humping his best man: Priceless... There are some things money can't buy, for everything else there's MASTERCARD! 'Life isn't like a bowl of cherries or peaches, it's more like a jar of Jalapenos - - - ' What you do today, might burn your a** tomorrow. '

A little boy was going through a very bad time with his anger. He would get very angry at the least thing,throw a tantrum and behave very badly. Once during one of his episodes his father took him outside gave him a hammer and a nail and told him,every time you get angryI am going to bring you here and you will pound a nail into this tree. This went on for a couple of weeks and graually the boy learned that if he got angry he would have to work hard at pounding that nail in. The line had grown and there were a lot of nails in a row,but gradually the growth of the line slowed down as he learned to control his anger. Finally they had a whole week with no tantrums. His father took him outside and they looked at the nails together. Now he said to the boy now you can see your anger and together we will pull out these nails. After they had pulled the nails out he asked the boy what he could see.The little boy said nothing Father my anger has gone. His said look closer son,now what do you see. The little boy said only the holes where the nails were. Yes said the father,you anger has gone but behind it there are the little scars each nail has left,just as you anger leaves little wounds on our hearts. The anger may go but the wounds stay forever. Don't hurt your loved ones,they may forgive you but the little scar will always be there.If you feel anger coming channel into to something useful make the negative positive

Girl: Hey Boy: What? Girl: I really like you. And I... I think I'm falling in love with you. Boy: Ok... Girl: What do you mean "ok"? Boy: I don't like you like that... Girl: Why not? Boy: I can't tell you... maybe another time... From then on, the girl kept asking the boy "Why not?????" whenever she saw him, and he kept answering the same answer of "I'll tell you later." Finally the girl got fed up. Girl: I'm tired of this! Tell me why you don't like me! Boy: Do you really wanna know why? Girl: Yes! Boy: It's because you're uglier than freak! What's the point of going out with someone when they're not pretty?! (The nerve!! soo superficial!!) Girl: But... I... Boy: Just shut up and leave me alone! The boy leaves and the girl is sitting there alone, crying her heart out. Then her cell phone rings. Girl: Hello? Mom: Sweetheart? I want you to go home, ok? I'll be home from work in a few hours. Girl: Alright Mom. Mom: I love you. Girl: I love you too, Mom. Mom: Bye Bye. Girl: Bye The girl heads home and once she got there, she went in the bathroom and looked at herself in the mirror. Girl: I'm not pretty enough... She set to work, knowing fully well what she was going to do. 2 hours later, her Mom came home and heard the bath water running. She went upstairs to find the hallway flooded so she knocked on the door. Mom: Honey? Are you alright? She opened the door and was shocked at the site. The bath was overflowing onto the floor, and the water was tinted red. She walked over to see what was inside and screamed. There, her little girl was lying with cuts all over her face and wrists. Her Mom backed away and was going to run to call the police when something caught her eye. On the mirror were these words written in blood: "AM I PRETTY ENOUGH NOW?" No one deserves to be told that by someone they love. If you find it messed up then forward this to everyone you know. A person's appearance doesn't count. What counts is their heart inside of them and their personality. No one wants to be told they're not good enough... Repost this in 5 Min or something bad will happen 2 U tomorrow saying- NO GIRL DESERVES THIS

Dear Friend, The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a "honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting, so I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper. Boy, I'm glad I did! What an uplifting experience followed! I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is...and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed! I found that LOTS of people love Jesus! While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, "For the love of GOD! GO! GO! Jesus Christ, GO!" What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honking! I just leaned out of my window and started waving and smiling at all these loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love! There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a "sunny beach"... I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. I asked my teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant, he said that it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something. Well, I've never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back. My grandson burst out laughing ... he was enjoying this religious experience, too! A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed. So, I waved to all my sisters and brothers grinning, and drove on through the intersection. I noticed I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and I felt kind of sad that had to leave them after all the love we had shared, so I slowed the car down, leaned out of the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks! Love, Grandma

A Different Christmas Poem The embers glowed softly, and in their dim light, I gazed round the room and I cherished the sight. My wife was asleep, her head on my chest, My daughter beside me, angelic in rest. Outside the snow fell, a blanket of white, Transforming the yard to a winter delight. The sparkling lights in the tree I believe, Completed the magic that was Christmas Eve. My eyelids were heavy, my breathing was deep, Secure and surrounded by love I would sleep. In perfect contentment, or so it would seem, So I slumbered, perhaps I started to dream. The sound wasn't loud, and it wasn't too near, But I opened my eyes when it tickled my ear. Perhaps just a cough, I didn't quite know, Then the sure sound of footsteps outside in the snow. My soul gave a tremble, I struggled to hear, And I crept to the door just to see who was near. Standing out in the cold and the dark of the night, A lone figure stood, his face weary and tight. A soldier, I puzzled, some twenty years old, Perhaps a Marine, huddled here in the cold. Alone in the dark, he looked up and smiled, Standing watch over me, and my wife and my child. "What are you doing?", I asked without fear, "Come in this moment, it's freezing out here. Put down your pack, brush the snow from your sleeve, You should be at home on a cold Christmas Eve. For barely a moment I saw his eyes shift, Away from the cold and the snow blown in drifts, To the window that danced with a warm fire's light Then he sighed and he said "Its really all right, I'm out here by choice. I'm here every night." "It's my duty to stand at the front of the line, That separates you from the darkest of times. No one had to ask or beg or implore me." "I'm proud to stand here like my fathers before me. My Gramps died at ' Pearl on a day in December,' Then he sighed, "That's a Christmas 'Gram always remembers." "My dad stood his watch in the jungles of ' Nam ', And now it is my turn and so, here I am. I've not seen my own son in more than a while, But my wife sends me pictures, he's sure got her smile" Then he bent and he carefully pulled from his bag, The red, white, and blue... an American flag. "I can live through the cold and the being alone, Away from my family, my house and my home." "I can stand at my post through the rain and the sleet, I can sleep in a foxhole with little to eat. I can carry the weight of killing another, Or lay down my life with my sister and brother." Who stand at the front against any and all, To ensure for all time that this flag will not fall." "So go back inside," he said, "harbor no fright, Your family is waiting and I'll be all right." "But isn't there something I can do, at the least, "Give you money," I asked, "or prepare you a feast? It seems all too little for all that you've done, For being away from your wife and your son." Then his eye welled a tear that held no regret, "Just tell us you love us, and never forget. To fight for our rights back at home while we're gone, To stand your own watch, no matter how long." "For when we come home, either standing or dead, To know you remember we fought and we bled. Is payment enough, and with that we will trust, That we mattered to you as you mattered to us."

TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS, HE LIVED ALL ALONE, IN A ONE BEDROOM HOUSE MADE OF PLASTER AND STONE. I HAD COME DOWN THE CHIMNEY WITH PRESENTS TO GIVE, AND TO SEE JUST WHO IN THIS HOME DID LIVE. I LOOKED ALL ABOUT, A STRANGE SIGHT I DID SEE, NO TINSEL, NO PRESENTS, NOT EVEN A TREE. NO STOCKING BY MANTLE, JUST BOOTS FILLED WITH SAND, ON THE WALL HUNG PICTURES OF FAR DISTANT LANDS. WITH MEDALS AND BADGES, AWARDS OF ALL KINDS, A SOBER THOUGHT CAME THROUGH MY MIND. FOR THIS HOUSE WAS DIFFERENT, IT WAS DARK AND DREARY, I FOUND THE HOME OF A SOLDIER, ONCE I COULD SEE CLEARLY. THE SOLDIER LAY SLEEPING, SILENT, ALONE, CURLED UP ON THE FLOOR IN THIS ONE BEDROOM HOME. THE FACE WAS SO GENTLE, THE ROOM IN SUCH DISORDER, NOT HOW I PICTURED A UNITED STATES SOLDIER. WAS THIS THE HERO OF WHOM I 'D JUST READ? CURLED UP ON A PONCHO, THE FLOOR FOR A BED? I REALIZED THE FAMILIES THAT I SAW THIS NIGHT, OWED THEIR LIVES TO THESE SOLDIERS WHO WERE WILLING TO FIGHT. SOON ROUND THE WORLD, THE CHILDREN WOULD PLAY, AND GROWNUPS WOULD CELEBRATE A BRIGHT CHRISTMAS DAY. THEY ALL ENJOYED FREEDOM EACH MONTH OF THE YEAR, BECAUSE OF THE SOLDIERS, LIKE THE ONE LYING HERE. I COULDN'T HELP WONDER HOW MANY LAY ALONE, ON A COLD CHRISTMAS EVE IN A LAND FAR FROM HOME. THE VERY THOUGHT BROUGHT A TEAR TO MY EYE, I DROPPED TO MY KNEES AND STARTED TO CRY. THE SOLDIER AWAKENED AND I HEARD A ROUGH VOICE, "SANTA DON'T CRY, THIS LIFE IS MY CHOICE"; I FIGHT FOR FREEDOM, I DON'T ASK FOR MORE, MY LIFE IS MY GOD, MY COUNTRY, MY CORPS." THE SOLDIER ROLLED OVER AND DRIFTED TO SLEEP, I COULDN'T CONTROL IT, I CONTINUED TO WEEP. I KEPT WATCH FOR HOURS, SO SILENT AND STILL AND WE BOTH SHIVERED FROM THE COLD NIGHT'S CHILL. I DIDN'T WANT TO LEAVE ON THAT COLD, DARK, NIGHT, THIS GUARDIAN OF HONOR SO WILLING TO FIGHT. THEN THE SOLDIER ROLLED OVER, WITH A VOICE SOFT AND PURE, WHISPERED, "CARRY ON SANTA, IT'S CHRISTMAS DAY, ALL IS SECURE." ONE LOOK AT MY WATCH, AND I KNEW HE WAS RIGHT. "MERRY CHRISTMAS MY FRIEND, AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT." This poem was written by a Marine. The following is his request. I think it is reasonable..... PLEASE. Would you do me the kind favor of sending this to as many people as you can? Christmas will be coming soon and some credit is due to our U.S. service men and women for our being able to celebrate these festivities.Let's try in this small way to pay a tiny bit of what we owe. Make people stop and think of our heroes, living and dead, who sacrificed themselves for us. Please, do your small part to plant this small present from afar so far ahead. merry Christmas to all in the Air Force-Army-USMC-Navy-may God be with you.

This is my friend PLEASE go to her page and some LOTS OF LOVE!!!! Her daughter was in a fire and is in need of lots of PRAYER>>> I plead with you to show the love ... You have to become friends and fan to see What this little CHILD OF GOD is going through as well as the family .. plz click on pic to help prayers .. We all know prayers are miracles and they work in the power of beleivers of GOD!!! LETS PRAY TOGETHER FOR THIS LITTLE GIRLS WELL BEING!!

This one tells it like it really is..............Hope you read it all........... THIS HAS GOT TO BE PASSED ALONG TO AS MANY AS POSSIBLE OR WE WILL ALL GO DOWN THE DRAIN BECAUSE A FEW DON'T CARE. This English teacher has phrased it the best I've seen yet. Tomatoes and Cheap Labor CHEAP TOMATOES? This should make everyone think, be you Democrat, Republican or Independent From a California school teacher - - - "As you listen to the news about the student protests over illegal immigration, there are some things that you should be aware of: I am in charge of the English-as-a-second-language department at a large southern California high school which is designated a Title 1 school, meaning that its students average lower socioeconomic and income levels. Most of the schools you are hearing about, South Gate High, Bell Gardens, Huntington Park, etc., where these students are protesting, are also Title 1 schools. Title 1 schools are on the free breakfast and free lunch program. When I say free breakfast, I'm not talking a glass of milk and roll -- but a full breakfast and cereal bar with fruits and juices that would make a Marriott proud. The waste of this food is monumental, with trays and trays of it being dumped in the trash uneaten. (OUR TAX DOLLARS AT WORK) I estimate that well over 50% of these students are obese or at least moderately overweight. About 75% or more DO have cell phones. The school also provides day care centers for the unwed teenage pregnant girls (some as young as 13) so they can attend class without the inconvenience of having to arrange for babysitters or having family watch their kids. (OUR TAX DOLLARS AT WORK) I was ordered to spend $700,000 on my department or risk losing funding for the upcoming year even though there was little need for anything; my budget was already substantial. I ended up buying new computers for the computer learning center, half of which, one month later, have been carved with graffiti by the appreciative students who obviously feel humbled and grateful to have a free education in America. (OUR TAX DOLLARS AT WORK) I have had to intervene several times for young and substitute teachers whose classes consist of many illegal immigrant students here in the country less then 3 months who raised so much hell with the female teachers, calling them "Putas" whores and throwing things that the teachers were in tears. Free medical, free education, free food, day care etc., etc, etc. Is it any wonder they feel entitled to not only be in this country but to demand rights, privileges and entitlements? To those who want to point out how much these illegal immigrants contribute to our society because they LIKE their gardener and housekeeper and they like to pay less for tomatoes: spend some time in the real world of illegal immigration and see the TRUE costs. Higher insurance, medical facilities closing, higher medical costs, more crime, lower standards of education in our schools, overcrowding, new diseases etc., etc, etc. For me, I'll pay more for tomatoes. We need to wake up. The guest worker program will be a disaster because we won't have the guts to enforce it. Does anyone in their right mind really think they will voluntarily leave and return? There are many hardworking Hispanic/American citizens that contribute to our country and many that I consider my true friends. We should encourage and accept those Hispanics who have done it the right and legal way. It does, however, have everything to do with culture: A third-world culture that does not value education, that accepts children getting pregnant and dropping out of school by 15 and that refuses to assimilate, and an American culture that has become so weak and worried about "politically correctness" that we don't have the will to do anything about it. If this makes your blood boil, as it did mine, forward this to everyone you know. CHEAP LABOR? Isn't that what the whole immigration issue is about? Business doesn't want to pay a decent wage. Consumers don't want expensive produce. Government will tell you Americans don't want the jobs. But the bottom line is cheap labor. The phrase "cheap labor" is a myth, a farce, and a lie. There is no such thing as "cheap labor." Take, for example, an illegal alien with a wife and five children. He takes a job for $5.00 or 6.00/hour. At that wage, with six dependents, he pays no income tax, yet at the end of the year, if he files an Income Tax Return, he gets an "earned income credit" of up to $3,200 free. He qualifies for Section 8 housing and subsidized rent. He qualifies for food stamps. He qualifies for free (no deductible, no co-pay) health care. His children get free breakfasts and lunches at school. He requires bilingual teachers and books. He qualifies for relief from high energy bills. If they are or become, aged, blind or disabled, they qualify for SSI. Once qualified for SSI they can qualify for Medicare. All of this is at (our) taxpayer's expense. He doesn't worry about car insurance, life insurance, or homeowners insurance. Taxpayers provide Spanish language signs, bulletins and printed material. He and his family receive the equivalent of $20.00 to $30.00/hour in benefits. Working Americans are lucky to have $5.00 or $6.00/hour left after paying their bills and his. The American taxpayers also pay for increased crime, graffiti and trash clean-up. Cheap labor? YEAH RIGHT! Wake up people! THESE ARE THE QUESTIONS WE SHOULD BE ADDRESSING TO THE PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES FOR EITHER PARTY. 'AND WHEN THEY LIE TO US AND DON'T DO AS THEY SAY, WE SHOULD REPLACE THEM AT ONCE!' THIS HAS GOT TO BE PASSED ALONG TO AS MANY AS POSSIBLE OR WE WILL ALL GO DOWN THE DRAIN BECAUSE A FEW DON'T CARE

Before U were thought of or time had begun, God stuck U in the name of His Son. Each time U pray, you'll see it's true; you can't spell out Jesus and not include U. You're a pretty big part of His wonderful name. For U he was born; that's why He came. His great love for U is the reason He died. It even takes U to spell crucified. Isn't it thrilling and splendidly grand; He rose from the dead with U in His plan? The stones split away; the gold trumpet blew, and this word resurrection is spelled with a U. When Jesus left earth at His upward ascension, He felt there was one thing He just had to mention. "Go into the world and tell them it's true, that I love them all just like I love U." So many great people are spelled with a U; don't they have a right to know Jesus too? It all depends now on what U will do. He'd like them to know, but it all starts with U.