I can never let that day go and out of my head. The nurse asked me if I wanted to know if it was a boy or a girl. It plays over and over in my head just like it was yeasterday.
I see you and I know you were not meant to be in this world with your brothers and I see your pretty face looking down and smiling each and everyday. I have a love for you and I will never let it go. I see your hands reaching there so tiny and so soft and I see your eyes just as beautiful as they could possibly be. I know you are healthy and your at peace. I know you wait till the day as much as I do to meet you at last.
You are in my dreams and there is not a day that passes that I do not think about you. There are even days that I cry and do not understand why and then I see an image of you and I know why.
I keep asking myself what would life be like if God would have let you be mine. I keep asking myself why did he have to take you after all that time. I keep playing the what if game like so many other moms do.
I know what I would have named you and there is no doubt about it. Cuz in my thoughts and my dreams I do not need anyone to tell me what you would have been I know without a doubt. That you were my little girl that I always wanted.
I see you day in and day out and I know you are waiting for the day that he finally lets us meet. I know that you are proud of the family you have yet to meet.
Maybe I am crazy and if so well that is just me but I sometimes feel as though you are holding me instead of me holding you when I am weak and think I can not go on.
I know you are in a better place than this life. This life here is so hard and cruel. But I know that you are in a peaceful and joyous place so I am not sad about that.
IN LOVING MEMORY OF THE ONE THAT GOD SAID THAT I COULD NOT HAVE.
