thAkaLlmeDaoM's blog: "lost & found"

There is a story that I need to tell

One of love, and of pain and of fear

But first I'm not what I lead you to see

I've been hiding from you what's dying me

I have known love like no one will ever know

I have seen eye's look at me like nothing I have ever felt before

I have touched and been touched in a way that cannot be explained

Nothing or no one can ever take it's place

 

I just want to save her

 

A monster came into our lives, destroying a love so amazing

A family now broken apart, but a life that is still worth saving

A love so pure that only I have been blessed to share

Now lost and replaced with dying's despair

It kills me to know how she's crying at night

Hurts even worst to know that I'm right

I'm not here to hurt and keep them from you

But only doing the things that I know I must do

 

I just want to save her

 

In their eyes everyday I live to see

The pain of loss in their faces of what came to be

And I can't help but think that somehow I failed

To do enough to save them from their pain

When there mother died a part of them left with her

Now it's all happening again

 

I just want to save her

 

Life is repeating itself

But this time I am loosing too

I loved my first wife dearly

But my second was my love so true

I found the greatest joy in life loving her

Now I die inside because I've had to kill her even more

And I watch as this love that will never be equaled wither away

All the while pointing it's fingers at me

 

I just want to save her

 

To hurt what you love more than life itself

To save what is God's most precious gift

I know that she cry's to die every night

Am I guilty of doing it again

But the choice I have made to protect my kids

Kills me inside because of who I must protect them from

But I can't keep hurting like this

And no one will listen until the time comes

That there's nothing left but to miss

 

I just want to save her

 

Not for me and the love that I've lost

Although selfishly I'd do anything to hold her again

But to keep from having to look into their eyes

When the future comes to it's end

Protecting my babies means killing her

Yet the monster she is with is the cause

He controls her with pills and manipulates his lies

And blames me for her eyes that are flowing in rivers of darkness

 

I just want to save her

 

The picture of her here you see

It's not of who she used to be

I craved her sweet touch, and her smile that she gave, and oh how I still do

But I would let it all go with my life as the price, if only I could just get through

Yet no one seems to care and I know

That If I don't do anything we're going to loose

One of God's most tender angels

 

I just want to save her

 

Even her family seems to support him in killing her

Instead of facing the truth and doing something to save her

They choose to hate me as if I am doing this on purpose

Bitter, vengeful and hatefully, but I'm not

I'm dying in here too, they can't love her like I do

They also have no idea what it's like to look into the eyes of your child's broken heart

I do, I live it everyday, and I can't do this again

But I know that to save my babies, I have to keep them from her

And I know how she cries, so it's killing me to do this

But I will let her go to save my two little ones

It's a choice I have made I don't like, but one I know I have no choice in

 

I just want to save her

 

Why is it no one will help

Is it because I only know what is truly inside her

Remarkable beyond words, she was God's gift to me and I failed

Now I'm forced to watch her open wounds bleed

Til her last breath kisses the air

She's not responsible for her own actions

I don't care what anyone one ever says

I know her like no one will ever

He's the one inside her head

 

I just want to save her

 

There are laws to protect us from killing

Yet murder is taking it's place

The result will be death and pains crying

A lifetime it will be on their face

I know what it looks like and I don't want to see it again

So I will die here with her if I have to

Holding her love til the end

No one will love me like she once did

No love for her greater than mine

Although I may never touch her again

I just want to give her more time

 

I just want to save her

 

I hate that I'm the one hurting her too

But what else can I do

I know what is real and the smile that she has

I miss her joy and her laughter

But what can I do if no one else cares

How will I tell them that mommy's upstairs

Will they blame me as I blame myself when I can't wipe away all of their tears

Why is it that no one else cares

 

I just want to save her

 

I sit here alone with my fake smiling face on

Hiding what's dying inside

I wipe the tears from my face trying to hold on to the place

That I once knew as love, life and pride

I can never let go because inside me I know

Like no one else ever will

The pain of loss in their faces that no time can heal

The emptiness inside that nothing can fill

To see that look on her face that makes my time stand still

I won't give up now and I never will

 

I just want to save her

 

So as I sit here hiding from you

Please know the real me is broken in two

But I'm doing all I can to be a gentle loving man

And find where life is leading me in all that I do

Just remember as I tell you all this

That there is something that I dearly miss

And I will never quit trying

Til the day that I'm dying

To save a life that's worth more than a kiss

 

I just want to save her