thAkaLlmeDaoM's blog: "lost & found"

You Missed the joy, laughter and fun that we had

You Missed when Emma bumped her head and Kera felt so sad

You Missed hearing our little girls Prayers last night

You Missed kissing them this morning and tucking them in last night

You Missed seeing Emma off for her first day of school

You Missed hearing Kera talk about that boy she thinks is so cool

You Missed the joy of watching them play

You Missed Emma's new word that she learned today

You Missed helping Kera making her lunch

You Missed more than a little

You Missed a bunch

You Missed seeing the girls clean up their room

You Missed laughing with Kera trying to use a broom

You Missed Kera's pride in all her good grades

You Missed the precious little pictures from school Emma's made

You Missed the joy of watching them sleep last night

You Missed feeling their wonderful love and holding them tight

You Missed comforting Emma when she bumped her head

You Missed being here at home to tuck them in bed

You Missed listening to Kera reading a bedtime book

You Missed the fun that we had as they helped daddy cook

You Missed listening to Kera singing her favorite song

You Missed sweet little Emma try to sing along

You Missed Emma's beautiful smile as she got off the bus

You Missed all of this cause you're not here with us

You Missed seeing how grown up Kera has become

You Missed it all, not just some

You Missed hearing what our little girls prayed for

You Missed them asking God to be a family once more

You Missed the joy of holding and loving them today

You Missed so much more, guess you want it this way

You Missed Kera talking about all of her dreams

You Missed our sweet little Emma learning new things

You Missed another day in their lives you can never get back

You Missed it because of where you choose to be at

You Missed helping Kera learn to fold clothes

You Missed taking care of Emma and her runny little nose

You Missed the chance to laugh at me and the girls learning to dance

You Missed this because you won't take a chance

You Missed me and our girls talk about loving you

You Missed them asking what more they could do

You Missed the chance to hear Kera speak from the heart

You Missed hearing her ask you to make a new start

You Missed Kera saying how she hates to be gone

You Missed her telling me how happy she is when she's coming home

You Missed things in their life you get but one chance to see

You Missed it because of where you choose to be

You Missed the chances to listen to the heart of our little girl

You Missed it because your so wrapped up in your own little world

You Missed out on the joy of loving your children today

You Missed it because you choose to have it this way..........................

I miss your touch

I miss your taste

I miss the smile upon your face

I miss the nights we were alone

I miss them more now that you are gone

I miss your laugh

I miss your cry

I miss the sparkles in your eyes

I miss your heart

I miss your soul

I miss you more than you will know

I miss your hair

 I miss your scent

I miss a love heaven sent

I miss you now

I miss you then

I'll miss you til the very end

Love one another and you will be happy. It's as simple and as difficult as that.

The way to love anything is to realize that it may be lost.

Guard your heart above all else, for it will determines the course of your life- proverbs 4 23

I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me."

There is a story that I need to tell

One of love, and of pain and of fear

But first I'm not what I lead you to see

I've been hiding from you what's dying me

I have known love like no one will ever know

I have seen eye's look at me like nothing I have ever felt before

I have touched and been touched in a way that cannot be explained

Nothing or no one can ever take it's place

I just want to save her

A monster came into our lives, destroying a love so amazing

A family now broken apart, but a life that is still worth saving

A love so pure that only I have been blessed to share

Now lost and replaced with dying's despair

It kills me to know how she's crying at night

Hurts even worst to know that I'm right

I'm not here to hurt and keep them from you

But only doing the things that I know I must do

I just want to save her

In their eyes everyday I live to see

The pain of loss in their faces of what came to be

And I can't help but think that somehow I failed

To do enough to save them from their pain

When there mother died a part of them left with her

Now it's all happening again

I just want to save her

Life is repeating itself

But this time I am loosing too

I loved my first wife dearly

But my second was my love so true

I found the greatest joy in life loving her

Now I die inside because I've had to kill her even more

And I watch as this love that will never be equaled wither away

All the while pointing it's fingers at me

I just want to save her

To hurt what you love more than life itself

To save what is God's most precious gift

I know that she cry's to die every night

Am I guilty of doing it again

But the choice I have made to protect my kids

Kills me inside because of who I must protect them from

But I can't keep hurting like this

And no one will listen until the time comes

That there's nothing left but to miss

I just want to save her

Not for me and the love that I've lost

Although selfishly I'd do anything to hold her again

But to keep from having to look into their eyes

When the future comes to it's end

Protecting my babies means killing her

Yet the monster she is with is the cause

He controls her with pills and manipulates his lies

And blames me for her eyes that are flowing in rivers of darkness

I just want to save her

The picture of her here you see

It's not of who she used to be

I craved her sweet touch, and her smile that she gave, and oh how I still do

But I would let it all go with my life as the price, if only I could just get through

Yet no one seems to care and I know

That If I don't do anything we're going to loose

One of God's most tender angels

I just want to save her

Even her family seems to support him in killing her

Instead of facing the truth and doing something to save her

They choose to hate me as if I am doing this on purpose

Bitter, vengeful and hatefully, but I'm not

I'm dying in here too, they can't love her like I do

They also have no idea what it's like to look into the eyes of your child's broken heart

I do, I live it everyday, and I can't do this again

But I know that to save my babies, I have to keep them from her

And I know how she cries, so it's killing me to do this

But I will let her go to save my two little ones

It's a choice I have made I don't like, but one I know I have no choice in

I just want to save her

Why is it no one will help

Is it because I only know what is truly inside her

Remarkable beyond words, she was God's gift to me and I failed

Now I'm forced to watch her open wounds bleed

Til her last breath kisses the air

She's not responsible for her own actions

I don't care what anyone one ever says

I know her like no one will ever

He's the one inside her head

I just want to save her

There are laws to protect us from killing

Yet murder is taking it's place

The result will be death and pains crying

A lifetime it will be on their face

I know what it looks like and I don't want to see it again

So I will die here with her if I have to

Holding her love til the end

No one will love me like she once did

No love for her greater than mine

Although I may never touch her again

I just want to give her more time

I just want to save her

I hate that I'm the one hurting her too

But what else can I do

I know what is real and the smile that she has

I miss her joy and her laughter

But what can I do if no one else cares

How will I tell them that mommy's upstairs

Will they blame me as I blame myself when I can't wipe away all of their tears

Why is it that no one else cares

I just want to save her

I sit here alone with my fake smiling face on

Hiding what's dying inside

I wipe the tears from my face trying to hold on to the place

That I once knew as love, life and pride

I can never let go because inside me I know

Like no one else ever will

The pain of loss in their faces that no time can heal

The emptiness inside that nothing can fill

To see that look on her face that makes my time stand still

I won't give up now and I never will

I just want to save her

So as I sit here hiding from you

Please know the real me is broken in two

But I'm doing all I can to be a gentle loving man

And find where life is leading me in all that I do

Just remember as I tell you all this

That there is something that I dearly miss

And I will never quit trying

Til the day that I'm dying

To save a life that's worth more than a kiss

I just want to save her

I met someone today just like myself.. A shattered heart and soul just trying to mend. i know exactly who and what im looking for now. and no, i wish it was this person but they are taken. and i am NOT going to interfere with that. i want to watch her heal, i want to see her love in her life blossum into everything she desrves in love and life. everything we all deserve, and be her friend and learn from her. its so funny because our paths have crossed, we have been at the same place at the same time about 8/9 years ago, and yet now so far away, our paths have crossed agin, here of all places, and this time "Life" allowed me to meet her and have the chance to earn her friendship, something i am going to handle like fine china. In a day this person has helped me and changed me. if im so fortunate enough, can you imagine what knowing her as a friend will do for the rest of my life. i know, right, its unimaginable. I have several "walls" i surround myself with, although im an open book. i have complete faith and trust in someone for the first time in forever, maybe because she is a reflection of myself. funny, because i waaaay dont trust "me".... I feel my heart coming back to life within me. i thought it had no chance of ever feeling again, good or bad. I had become "Comfortably Numb".. Now theres a sign of life... i once was lost, now i am found....