Skys's blog: "Just gotta ramble!!!!"

I don't know where to begin or even what to say...im in a situation even I don't understand...and it gets more complicated and harder to deal with as it goes on rather than easier...I dont understand people and the decisions they make...or why they feel and think the way they do....doesnt everyone make mistakes? even if they dont know what they did?....and if u r a real friend dont u at least try to forgive them and get past it...no...apparently not...apparently u dig them as far into the ground as u can while making them feel lower than dirt and then completely turn your back on them completely after stepping all over them....apparently what I think is right in friendship is wrong and I have the whole concept messed up....what are u supposed to do when someone doesnt want u....pushes u aways....yet u still leave the daily comment and message just to say im thinkin of u....and then u get told u werent there for them...what if they really were there yet u just looked right past them??? and threw them to the side...cuz u took them for granted...but when they decided to b treated better than just one option of many....they are the bad one?.....wtf?????then they do little things that make u wonder what its all about..but refuse to actually have a conversation....imagine actually talkin through an issue....oh I know that a fuckin novel idea....one that apparently is only in my head....but silly me...I LOVE my friends and would do anything to get back righth with them or to forgive and make ammends...cuz everyone hurts...and every one fucks up....it wouldnt hurt if we didnt care right? so how do u just stop fucking caring?????? guess I was never as good a friend as I thought I was!!!

All of my demons come out in the dark, no matter how hard I try I miss my mark. Sitting there not being able to sleep, thinking about my past my demons make me weep. People think im just like all the rest, but everyone I ever met make me look best. Trying to remember all the times although they were bad, when it comes down to it they were all I had. All of the attempts to suppress the demons,nothing is more powerful than my demons. Now it is dark and she is still not here, guess im going to have to face my fear. Nothing good ever came out at night, sometimes it gets better with the coming of the light. When it is so dark I feel like im falling into the abyss, everytime I think about it everything is amiss. Never thought life could feel this way, but until a few hours ago I had a place to stay.Of course this news came to me at night, anything done after dark is never right. I don't know if I can take it anymore, what do I deserve all this for.I know she is sick but so might I, at night sometimes we both wish we would die. It is now 10:33 pm, and there goes my demons again.

Look through my eyes and tell me what you see, i'm no more fucked up than you would be. I want you to walk one mile in my shoes, you'll see the odds are stacked for me to lose.For every breath these lungs take, I thank the lord every time I wake. I'm not bad or a demon seed, just for so long I have been left in need. No one believes the shit I go through, but they don't go through life the way I do. The life I lead makes me stronger every day, my path is uncertain and I don't always know the way. As life keeps sending curve balls my way, I contemplate my while here I lay. Unfair things happen no matter who you are, but God only judges you from a far. Don't get to caught up in the past, the effects of what happened yesterday won't last.

WHATS UP FU FRIENDS....LET ME FIRST TAKE THE CHANCE TO SAY AGAIN....I LOVE YOU ALL....I HAVE AMAZING FRIENDS....SO IF YOU DONT KNOW...YOU BEST RECOGNIZE....I HAVE THE SEXIEST CHICKS ON FUBAR AS MY GIRLS....HAHAHA..NOT TO MENTION THE SEXIEST OF ALL AS MY FU G/F....SO SHOW DUSTY LOTS OF LOVE...SHE IS AN AMAZING PERSON WITH A GREAT HEART....SHE IS MY SOULMATE...HELL CHECK OUT EACH OTHER ALL...FOR REAL...ALL OF YOU ARE AWESOME IN SOME WAY....ITS WHY U R ON MY PAGE....LESS THAN A MONTH WITH THIS ACCOUNT AND IM AN ASSASIN....HOW CRAZY IS THAT???? AND HEY I WENT FROM PIMP TO ASSASIN IN ONE DAY.....LOOK AT THAT DEDICATION....AMAZING....TRUELY....AND IM SO GREATFUL FOR ALL OF YOU...FOR THE LOVE YOU SHOW...EVEN JUST A COMMENT HERE OR THERE TO SAY HI....THATS PRETTY FUCKIN SWEET....SO I LOVE YOU ALL SO SO SO SO MUCH....SO THIS ONE IS ALL FOR YOU GUYS....ALL OF YOU...THANK YOU FROM THE JADED ONE...MUCH LOVE....REMEMBER LOVE EACH OTHER...HONOR EACH OTHER...RESPECT EACH OTHER....AND DAMN IT BE LOYAL.....LOYALTY IS A RARE GIFT....ONE TO BE CHERISHED.....AS I DO MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY.....MY FANS AND MY CRUSHES...I LOVE YOU TOO...HAHAHAHA....YOU MAKE SOMEONE LIKE ME FEEL REAL SPECIAL...PEACE OUT FU FRIENDS...MUAHZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ