this one is a very personal one i wrote oct 21 st this year
God iam going to ask a lot of questions
Why did you abondon me in my biggest time of need? why when i reached for you did you just turn around and walk away from me?
God if you dont give us much more then we can handle how could i lose everything within a matter of days and weeks? God the only thing left is me and this house and soon to be my loud solutude.
it will scream at me how alone in this cold cruel world i really am and why god am i still praying that you will come and hold me? come and comfort me instead of making me beg for you just to make me completely insane, so i dont feel this awful pain this demon that continues to well up inside of me
why god do i believe that you will bring me out of this state of mind when in 21 years you have not made it better instead making it worse making me believe what a terriable person i really am seeing this monster in the mirror instead of the lovely person i thought i was and god why am crying while i write this being in pain and not knowing if i want to see the dawn? not knowing that iam going to be okay and not knowing where my son is going to be? God is he going to be alright?
god i cant handle this and i cant give this to you because youll just tell me to deal with it the same as you always have iam in pain god and why do you laugh at me? what have i done to deserve this god?
Fuck you god the only reason why i dont just run this damn razor now is not knowing where my son will be and damn you on that making me all alone sad and in pain making me cry and beg and hurt
