ROXY's blog: "~JOKES~"

Three women left separately after a very late night out drinking Guinness until the early hours. They met the next day for an early pint, and compared notes about who had been the most drunk. The first gal claims that she was the drunkest, saying, "I drove straight home, walked into the house, and as soon as I got through the door, I blew chunks". To which the second gal replied, "You think that was drunk? I got in my car, drove out of the parking lot, and wrapped my car around the first tree I saw. I don't even have insurance!" And the third proclaimed, "I was by far the most drunk. I got home, I go in a big fight with my husband, knocked a candle over and burned the whole house down!" They all looked at each other for a moment. Then the first gal says: "Ladies, I don't think you understand. Chunks is my dog."

You can't read this and stay in a bad mood! 1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit? Unique Up On It. 2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit? Tame Way. 3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest ? They Take The Psycho Path. 4. How Do You Get Holy Water You Boil The Hell Out Of It. 5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall? Dam! 6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long? Polaroid's 7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work? A Stick. 8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours? Nacho Cheese. 9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers? Subordinate Clauses. 10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand? Quattro Sinko. 11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow? Spoiled Milk. 12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire? Frostbite. 13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches? A Nervous Wreck. 14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup? Anyone Can Roast Beef. 15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs? Right Where You Left Him. 16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils? Because They Have Big Fingers . 17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive? Because It Scares The Dog. 18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic? Sanka. 19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover ?! The Location Of The Dirt Bag. 20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down? Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.. 21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver? A Bad Golfer Goes Whack, Dang! A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang, Whack! 22. How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same? Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer. Now, admit it - At least one of these made you smile.

DON'T TALK TO THE PARROT !!!!! > DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT > > > > > > Wanda's dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman. Since she had > > to > > go to work the next day, she told the repairman, 'I'll leave the key > > under > > the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail
> you
> a check. Oh, by the way don't worry about my dog, Spike. He won't bother > > you. But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my > > parrot! > > I REPEAT; DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!' > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > When the repairman arrived at Wanda's apartment the following day, he > > discovered the biggest, meanest looking dog he had ever seen. But, just > > as she > > had said, the dog just laid there on the carpet watching the repairman > > go > > about his work. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant > > yelling, cursing and name calling. Finally the repairman couldn't
> contain
> himself any longer and yelled, 'Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!' > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > To which the parrot replied, 'Get him, Spike!' > > > > > > See... Men just don't listen! > > > >