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What are you waiting for?
What are these things?
Pebbles, stones, rocks and Redwood Trees
I have found these things to be Gods way of talking to me
When you’re on the wrong path in life, God tosses pebbles at you trying to get you to listen to him "you're going the wrong way in life, stop-go back"
but most of the time I just ignored the pebbles” rubbing back of head”, sigh and go on down the road I am walking on ,many bad things happened between the pebbles and the rocks .For instance in 1990 I was in a horrid car wreck and was ejected out of the car and broke my left collar bone and cracked a few ribs “the pebble was my seat belt”, but I was 20 ten foot tall and bullet proof don't need a seat belt ,I thought”. Wrong was I, three months laid up and in a lot of pain .broken collar bones take time to heal. Then came the stones, I had lots of pebbles but just rubbed my head and went on down the road I was on .the stones started with another car wreck "seat belts again”, I rolled a Jeep 4x4, and flew from the driver’s side to the passenger’s seat,"whip lash”, nothing broken this time .was happy for that but whip lash hurts just as bad as broken bones, sometimes. When was 21 at that time less than one year from the last wreck., there were many stones that where hard to learn from like ,a miscarriage at 24 and a broken heart to go with it .more stones more stones more stones then at age 35 the rocks came left more head rubbing to do more often. I was smoking weed and getting drunk and doing bad things in general and one of the stones was "false heart attack”, one heart catheter later and still rubbing my head more stones came at me,CPS got in my life ,I lost my daughter for 5 years ,went through hell getting her back and did so .then more stones more stones figuring out how to dodge them did not work ,umbrellas won’t help either ,so I got almost right with God and a few more stone hit me ,a fall out with family members the loss of a dear aunt, then the rocks started hitting me and almost knocking me over ,but I tried to dodge them and out run them only to have them hit the back of my head and stop me and leave me stunned wondering who the heck is throwing stones and rocks at me "I never thought about God doing it ".the path I was walking started to become covered in the rocks ,I would stumble then get up and go forward only to trip over a rock then fall again ,these things include the fall out of family that still goes on today far from me but still is there, then up till about October of 2010 ,I had another false heart attack and another heart catheter done only to find out I have heart issue's and heart palpitations "that means my heart beats real fast for no reason" and that was my REDWOOD TREE, it left me flat on my back in the hospital , with nowhere to run ,nowhere to hide, nothing but the silent calm voice of Jesus talking to me and soothing my soul, I have cleaned my life up and cleaned out the closets ,no more drinking ,no more parties ,no more drugs ,nothing but my daughter ,and my new husband, the closets no longer hide ghosts of the past ,nor the lies that made them ghosts, No more Drama in my life ,all is gone ,all is calm . This is how God became more important than anything, then family.
being as I am sharing all that has become or what was the life I lived in abuse .I hope that this story of how I got out of the darkness might touch the hearts of them that have no voice and let them see they are not alone and that there is a way out of abuse. I did not think I could get out of the abuse till I started at age 14 reading Stephen King's books he gave me wings to fly with inside my mind
his books gave me a way out of the pain I was feeling from being beaten, what Taylor did not know is that I did leave the house and I did get out in the open if only through a book I was reading, the books gave me a safe place to turn to and hide if only for a few chapters at a time. one book that stuck in my mind and still to this day was called Rose Madder, it was about a woman that lived in abuse and got out .my story had no such ending like that book did, but it gave me wings to fly on in my mind to think that I too could get out of the abuse and run free from him .and over time I did indeed get free. Should Taylor have known that Stephen King was my escape he would have taken the books and burned them. Being beaten down in to a submissive state was not easy to do .the pain I felt I still feel when fear hits me. But the man I am married to now, sees the pain I try to hide and helps me stand true to who I am.
I am a Survivor, mother, woman, a Free spirit.
