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No More I Love Yous

After being with Taylor for a few years there was a night we went to a party that was for his birthday 
he had been working full time at a main hotel chain in midland as bar manager and D.J part time when he was needed to .I got all dressed up and make up on and best looking clothing on ,and off we went to the party that was held by one of his female coworkers ,i do not remember her name i'll call her Kelly for now.anyways we got there they had the cake and drinks and drugs and he had a great time flirting with Kelly and the rest of the females he worked with ignoring me the whole time as normal for him ,i sat in the corner of the living room watching this all happen thinking what the hell has he been up to with these females,they all acted as if i was his little sister not his girlfriend ,and to top that when i got up to get me a soda to drink some man that i never met before walked over and grabbed my ass and said "we are swappers and your mine tonight",I had no clue what Taylor had been up to at work and when i was no where to see or hear the things that went on with his work ,i do remember the late night calls from Kelly and always wondered why ? when she would call at odd times of the night way after Taylor has left the bar and closed it all down locked it up ,she would call and Taylor would get up out of bed and go to another room in the apartment to talk to her for hours on end then come back to bed hateful to me and go to sleep.No hugs no kisses nothing not even a I love you nothing at all.this went on for about 2 years of the last few that i was with Taylor before he went back to work full time in a radio station.The late night calls never stopped and i grew more and more apart from Taylor and the violent out burst started getting more and more frequent.the night at his party i asked him what they where doing and he took me in the bathroom and showed me a pile of cocaine on a mirror and said that they had gotten it for the part and for them that wanted to get high that was the first time i ever did that drug and last time i wanted to go to any parties with Taylor,a few years later i grew a big cocaine  habit  while working in the night clubs as a stripper due to that night .I do not fully blame Taylor for that but it did add to the fact i became addicted to the drug.i worked in the clubs for 11 years of my adult life doing more cocaine then any one human should by them selves 5 or 6 ounces per 4 days thats a lot of drugs to do alone for 6 years of the 11 that i worked full time as a stripper.But as me and Taylor grew further apart this need for drugs became over whelming and i started this at 17,I am now 41 and drug free and have been now for 15 years ,I often look back on that time i spent drugged up and think "what the hell where you thinking" you could have died ,but i did not ,i think the drug abuse got me through the abuse i was subjected to on a daily bases there in the end of what had become my life with Taylor . the night before i was pushed out of Taylors life he yelled at me i Don't love you anymore  i want you out of my fucking life and i want it now so i can move Kelly in here shes a real woman not a child .i was crushed and heart broke  then the next day he beat the crap out of me and told me it was gonna be him or me and he wasn't going no where so that meant i was going.the next few days life became a living hell for me,i spent one more night in the hospital after being beaten and then Dave was called to come get me by the nurse in the hospital ,i spent the few days after getting my things packed and ready to go while Taylor spent all of his Time with Kelly at her apartment,Kelly was the one female he worked with that was not married but went to the swing parties to meet men and have sex with whom ever she wanted or that wanted her.I found these things out years later.
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