to make a long story short if I can really do that would be awsome. I have been having an awsome week. it was good, went to an AA meeting. I try to get to at least one a week some times I get to more somtimes I don't even get to one, but I try to get to one. I was sitting there listening waiting for my turn to talk. and all was well for the most part. I talked how I was having a good week for the most part and then I siad well everything is good and now I'm just waiting for it to go to hell in a hand basket. in my short life I have found that nothing good last. when everything is going good it will just be a matter of time before a disaster strikes.
now before u get all worried everything is good. when these little disasters strike they take place in my head. little problems feel huge, fears plage me, fears rule my life. the reason I drank was to get rid of those fears and for the most part drinking did a good job. untill it started to make them bigger and worse. now wat do u ask was I afriad of? I would have to tell u the sky is falling. sounds silly eh? but yeah I fear everything. everyone it seemed was having a shitty go at it this week. I could relate I most times have a shitty go at it. and once in a while I really talk about the stuff that rolls around in my head. but today it was all going great. was not till I left the meeting and I was walking home in the dark going through a bad part of town. thats when I found myself just wanted to get to the subway closest to where I was so I could call a cab home. just hoping that there was somone working who I knew and could talk too. well my boss was there. I don't like to talk about my recovery with my boss. it just makes me feel uncomfy, so I just sorta waved at him as I called my cab. I will however sit him down tomarow and talk with him about wat was going on tonight. I am at home now feeling some wat safe. glad I'm home and its good to have made another 24 hours clean and sober. and its a beautiful evening now that I know the sky isn't going to fall tonight.
