So today is that day.. my mom's day. Its been 21 years.. sighs. It never gets easier. I still miss my mom every day. I still need her every moment. I still crave her much needed advice every time something goes wrong. I still wonder where in life I'd be if she hadn't left.
I've done very well today considering how I've done every other year. Hope was a huge help today by taking me shopping all day and keeping me distracting. I almost feel guilty though for having a half decent time today. In that very odd way I feel as though I shouldn't be happy because my mom can't be happy. I know that is absolute nonsense but its how I feel.
I suppose that is what it all boils down to, how I feel about the whole situation and what is going on. I know until in some way some if not all of my questions are answered I'll never truely find complete peace. Although in all honesty I know a lot of my questions cannot be answered.
I know that when I can finally learn to say goodbye and actually do it .. I may be better also. I'm selfish though and I have no intentions of doing that anytime soon.
Mom,
I love you.
I miss you.
I want you here.
You should be here to see your grandkids growing and learning.
Sighs...
I'm done
Steph
