Sanity is in the eye of the beholder.
Yeah yeah, I know that's not the original saying. But I don't really give a fuck. If I'm violating any copyright laws, just go ahead and sue me. I'd like to see you try and get something out of my broke ass.It works well enough for my purposes. And it's actually pretty true.
There are a ton of fucking crazy people wandering the streets under the guise of sanity. Hell, most of them don't even know how nutty they are. Those are the ones that freak me out. When you don't know what you're capable of, you're apt to completely lose control.
I prefer the openly insane people...those who are on intimate terms with their insanity...those who embrace it and learn from it...those who don't hide behind that mask we all call "normal". Knowledge is power and,when someone knows they're a few fries short of a Happy Meal, they learn to compensate. I trust these people because they don't trust themselves.
Yeah. I'm not so certain that made sense to anyone. That's ok. It made plenty of sense to me. But I never claimed that I was completely sane either.
In my last entry, I said that I surround myself with crazy people...because I find things in common with them. Of course I find things in common with them. We're all at least a little bit crazy.
The latest crazy person in my life fascinates me. And when I say that, I'm trying to say that he leaves me FLOORED. He's a bitter, angry, rude, abrasive, frustrating shithead...and, although I have no idea why, I just can't get enough of him.
You probably don't remember what it was like being a child and somehow becoming separated from your parents in a public place like the zoo or the science center. You feel lost and afraid, but, at the same time, exhilerated because you're on a grand adventure...striking out on your own into unknown territory...venturing forth without anyone to tell you which way to go. That's what he makes me feel like.
He's like a maze that I can't find my way out of. I wander around turning this way and that, following every possible route I can think of, and just when I think I've found the exit...it turns out to be another dead end.
He tells me some things and shows me others. But I know I've barely scratched the surface. He says that no one can ever quite figure him out. But, hell, who would want to? I don't want to completely figure him out. If it was that simple, he wouldn't be so interesting. I don't ever want to know EVERYTHING about someone. Where's the fun in that? I would rather spend every day of my life learning a little something new and go to my grave still not knowing everything...than to know all of it and have nothing left to discover. I mean, hell. The day that I stop being fascinated, there's no point in living on anyway. Everything would just be...empty.
Before he left here tonight, I told him I was going to write this blog. He didn't know what I was going to say in it, but in his typical fashion, he assumed it would be bad. Well, some of it might seem that way. And that's ok. Nothing is ever all good or all bad. There is always light to counteract the darkness. Even insanity isn't all bad. You just have to learn to make the most of it.
Sir, you said some things today that I didn't have an answer to. You were right...I was pretty stumped at that time. Mainly because I am continually surprised by things you say and do. Just when I think you're a complete asshole, you go and do something utterly sweet. And just when I start to think you're a big sweetie pie, you go and whip out the asshole card again just to prove a point.
I told you earlier this week that I might not always agree with you, but you always have a valid point. And that was, for the most part, true.
I would still like to address one of the things you said today. [I'll probably address more of them in future entries, but for the sake of short attention spans...well, you get the idea.]
"All women are liars."
Ok. You have a point. But then again, so are all men. Every human being has lied at least one time in their lives. It's part of human nature.
We lied to our parents about where we were going on a Friday night so they wouldn't know we were at an unsupervised party getting drunk and making out. We told that lie to save our own asses...so that we wouldn't get caught and we'd be able to go to the NEXT unsupervised party and get drunk/make out. It's how most of us survived our teenage years without spending them locked in our room.
We lied to our bosses and said we were sick so that we could get a day off of work. Again, for our own gain. Humans are pretty selfish by nature.
We've lied to people we care about just to spare their feelings. "Do I look fat in this dress?" "No, honey, of course not. You're always beautiful.". Ok, so there's a selfish reason for that lie too. We just don't want to deal with the consequences of saying "Well, honey, you HAVE put on a few pounds lately." I mean, when you say that, it's time to duck and cover. INCOMING. [I've never understood this lie. If I'm stupid enough to ask that question and I do look fat, just fucking tell me. I'd rather know it than to walk around thinking I look great when I really don't. Besides...how shallow would someone have to be if that's going to cause a damn meltdown? Fuck. If I'm with someone, I want the full and uncensored truth. If they're with me, they obviously see something in me that makes them stay, regardless of how fat that dress makes me look. So it doesn't matter anyway.]
At some point in my life, I just accepted that everyone, male and female, has lied at some point in their lives. I just don't want to catch them lying to me.
I won't speak for the entire human race. But I can speak for myself. And if you, or anyone else who reads this, choose not to believe me, that sucks. Because it's all the truth.
I don't go around lying to people. Especially those I care about. I think that one reason many of my relationships in the past haven't worked is that I was too honest. I mean, I told them everything. If the sex wasn't up to par, I never faked an orgasm. If the dinner they cooked me was nauseating, I said so and picked up the phone to order a pizza. If they were acting like a complete idiot, I looked them in the eye and told them.
Yeah. That didn't go over too well. But I believe in total honesty in a relationship. Good and bad. Any shortcomings they had didn't make me care for them any less, but apparently they thought it did. Maybe that's why every one of them cheated on me.
Heh, that's quite a revelation.
I have toned myself down a bit this past year. I'm a bit nicer in my delivery of criticism than I used to be. I'm a kinder, gentler me, I guess.
But, to any and all people reading this [especially you, sir]...if I've said something to you, it's been the truth. Whether you liked it or not.
The End...for now.
P.S. Here's a picture of a cute little kitty. Just for you, sir. Because I know it will make you smile. =]
