THIS has been a shitty day first my friend died one from church she was a sweet person and i just found out early today then I went to work which consist of a long day of taking care of a invalid..she depends on me for all her care ..I question God at times why would someone have to lay there and be so dependent on another human being it just doesnt seem fair at times bit then im not suppose to question our Maker..I go in the morning I open the blinds so she can see the sunlight then I take a wash cloth from the cupboard and set it aside and take gloves and slip them on then i take her false teeth and run them under warm water and wet the washcloth with hot water as she request bringing it all back in to her room and i place her dentures in her mouth and then i wash face allowing the warmth to open her eyes gently all this time the thoughts running through my mind that this woman at one time was very alive like me she had a family and endured much in her life as well yet here we are both together me being half her age and she is depending on me to care for her ..i have always been a compassionate person im the one that enjoys listening to the old people and their storys so much can be learned from them people forget they to were once young and full of life and im drawing a syringe full of insulin carefully rubbing her arm to inject it and then I prepare her a meal and feed her as I would a child so dependent on me and yet I wonder everytime she apologizes to me when she wets the bed or vomits or has bowel movements im going to be faced with this with my own parents I have always been told we revert back into a second child hood as we age this is true im learning quickly ..I see my uncle whom I learned not 20 minutes ago passed away i loved him dearly he was like santa claus always cheerful full of life yet he was taken and im asking myself why and how is it fai for a man that was able to live life fully die instead of a woman who is lifeless just existing why does she have to endure this life the suffering? how is it fair ..im sorry im babbling on im just upset i have lost so many ppl in my family this year and its sad and it reminds me that were not promised of tomorrow only of today..my uncle will be buried on my birthday in three days while this is suppose to be a happy celebration for me now its turned sad just that quick and again it sucks and it just doesnt seem fair. I will continue to take care of this patient of mine until her time ended on this earth and i have to believe that God has his reasons for her being here ..for myself i have come to realize that if im in the same lifeless form of her I pray to God he will let me die with some dignity..I know my friend and my uncle are in Gods care now no pain no suffering and thats what helps me get though this craziness..I love all my friends here ..you cant even imagine the comfort some of you have given me..much love to you all..
