Jersey Boy's blog: "....I'm a Fubar man"

I’m a FUBAR man, A man for the millennium, 

 Digitally enhanced and smoke free. 

A diversified multicultural postmodern deconstructionist, 

Politically anatomically and ecologically incorrect. 

I’ve been uplinked and downloaded. 

I’ve been inputted and outsourced. 

I know the upside of downrating. 

I know the downside of upgrading. 

 

I’m a high tech lowlife. 

A cutting edge state-of-the-art bicoastal multitasker, 

And I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond. 

 

I’m new wave but I’m old school, 

And my inner child is outward bound. 

I’m a hot wired heat seeking warm hearted cool customer, 

Voice activated and biodegradable. 

 

I interface from a database, 

And my database is in cyberspace, 

So I’m interactive, I’m hyperactive, And from time-to-time, I’m radioactive. 

 

Behind the eight ball, Ahead of the curve, Riding the wave, Dodging a bullet, Pushing the envelope. 

I’m on point, 

On task, 

On message, 

And off drugs. 

 

I got no need for coke and speed, 

I got no urge to binge and purge. 

I’m in the moment, 

On the edge, 

Over the top, 

But under the radar. 

 

A high concept, Low profile, Medium range ballistic missionary. 

A street-wise smart bomb. 

A top gun bottom feeder. 

 

I wear power ties, 

I tell power lies, 

I take power naps, 

I run victory laps. 

 

I’m a totally ongoing bigfoot slam dunk rainmaker with a proactive outreach. 

A raging workaholic. 

A working ragaholic. 

Out of rehab, And in denial. 

 

I got a personal trainer, 

A personal shopper, 

A personal assistant, 

And a personal agenda. 

 

You can’t shut me up, 

You can’t dumb me down. 

'Cause I’m tireless, And I’m wireless. 

I’m an alpha male on beta blockers. 

 

I’m a non-believer and an over-achiever. 

Laid back but fashion forward. 

Up front, 

Down home, 

Low rent, 

High maintenance. 

Super size, 

Long lasting, 

High definition, 

Fast acting, 

Oven ready, 

And built to last. 

 

I’m a hands on, 

Foot loose, 

Knee jerk, 

Head case. 

Prematurely post traumatic, 

And I have a love child who sends me hate mail. 

 

But I’m feeling, 

I’m caring, 

I’m healing, 

I’m sharing. 

A supportive bonding nurturing primary care giver. 

 

My output is down,

But my income is up. 

I take a short position on the long bond, 

And my revenue stream has its own cash flow. 

 

I read junk mail, 

I eat junk food, 

I buy junk bonds, 

I watch trash sports. 

 

I’m gender specific, 

Capital intensive, 

User friendly, 

And lactose intolerant. 

 

I like rough sex. 

I like tough love. 

I use the f word in my email, 

And the software on my hard drive is hard core, no soft porn. 

 

I bought a microwave at a mini mall. 

I bought a mini van in a mega store. 

I eat fast food in the slow lane. 

I’m toll free, Bite sized, Ready to wear, And I come in all sizes. 

 

A fully equipped, Factory authorized, Hospital tested, Clinically proven, Scientifically formulated medical miracle. 

I’ve been pre-washed, 

Pre-cooked, 

Pre-heated, 

Pre-screened, 

Pre-approved, 

Pre-packaged, 

Post-dated, 

Freeze-dried, 

Double-wrapped, 

Vacuum-packed, 

And I have an unlimited broadband capacity. 

 

I’m a rude dude, 

But I’m the real deal. 

Lean and mean. 

Cocked, locked and ready to rock. Rough tough and hard to bluff. 

 

I take it slow. 

I go with the flow. 

I ride with the tide. 

I got glide in my stride. 

Drivin' and movin', 

Sailin' and spinnin', 

Jivin' and groovin', 

Wailin' and winnin'. 

 

I don’t snooze, 

So I don’t lose. 

I keep the pedal to the metal, 

And the rubber on the road. 

I party hearty, 

And lunch time is crunch time. 

 

I’m hanging in, 

There ain’t no doubt. 

And I’m hanging tough, Over and out.......