Troy, that is, last night when we spoke that I knew he was out of state and away from his family to take care of us but after two failed marriages and him being 40 years old and starting to wear out that no matter what he says or what anybody else says, when we get out to California, I am following my passion and my true talent and that if he didn't like it, approve of it or support it, then that was his problem and I was going to do it anyway.
I didn't want to sound like a bitch when I said that but this is the only thing, besides being on the computer, that I'm naturally talented at and KNOW that I'm meant to do this and of course, for those of you that know me, it's ACTING!
I don't give a rats ass if I'm too fat, too ugly or too old, I KNOW that I can succeed with my acting and I know I'm damn good at it! I'm a very ugly woman now a days and very disgustingly obese but I don't give a shit. When I start hitting auditions, I will find out the reasoning why I may have not been picked and if it has anything at all to do with my looks or my weight, I'll I will say is fuck you and the next audition I will work even harder at and make myself even better, I will make myself so much better that they won't even notice the grossness of my body or face.
I hit at at the end of my first pregnancy which now a days, seems like nothing, my peak weight of 203 and within 3 months I was back down to 124 lbs and entering bikini contests and winning! I lost all that weight in a bad way...my 'wonderful'....just ask my former best friend Eric how 'wonderful' my ex-bf was, he'll vouch for me, my ex would constantly down me, telling me I was so ugly and fat and that nobody would ever want me again and that I was lucky he wanted to stick with me...uhhhh, yeah thanks. *asswipe*
So, I would eat a big meal and go anywhere from 2 to 3 days without eating, just drinking water and or diet soda...plus I would play my sports still...softball and or volleyball, of course I was great a both of those, always have been and even being fat I'm sure I still am.
Well, being depressed and pushed like that for so long, in other words, every fucking day, I lost weight...I lost my appetite for food due to his lousy ass...now I sort of wish he were around in order to do that again so I could hopefully lose all this weight...no, not really.
Well, here's a shocker for you...to tell you exactly how grossly obese I've become...sit down before you look so you don't fall and hurt yourself when you start to hurl....I now weigh in at 295 lbs. I now have nothing going for me. I used to have one hell of a hot body...ask Eric again on that...he'll agree! I've never been real pretty and I used to hear more often than not..."Damn girl, you have got one hell of a body on you...too bad you're so fucking ugly"...wasn't that nice?
Now that I'm fat, I don't even have that anymore...never had the face but now the body is gone. I have no will power, no support and I'm constantly depressed...and of course the depression results have reversed themselves...I now EAT instead of NOT eat when I'm depressed...sucks huh?
Well, I still don't think it matters...some of the most beautiful women are dog fucking ugly without their 'professional' make-up jobs done and their hair done up, so I know they can work miracles on me...I hope...lol
I have the talent and I know that I can succeed...I don't even care if all I do is commercials...at least I'm acting...that's all that matters to me!
So, for those of you that think I'm worthless and have left me, either relationship or friendship...one of these days, you'll see me on the screen and realize how much you screwed up by dissing me and ending our friendship because I am the best person you will ever have as a friend...I'm loyal, trustworthy and always here for my friends and can always be counted on. So, once you see me on the screen, don't even think about trying to come back and do some smoozing in order to try and get on my good side again because it will NEVER happen.
Well, gotta go and quit w/the ranting, kids are home and Polly is crying...Taylor pissed her off...what else is new.
