Stevie's blog: "Humor"

OMGosh you just have to watch this. It's so funny, but so hot! Now if I could just get those two over to my place *teehee*

FEMALE PRAYER Before I lay me down to sleep I pray for a man, who's not a creep, One who's handsome, smart and strong One who loves to listen long, One who thinks before he speaks One who'll call, not wait for weeks. I pray he's gainfully employed When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed. Pulls out my chair and opens my door Massages my back and begs to do more. Send me a man who'll make love to my mind Knows how to answer to "How big is my behind?" I pray that this man will love me to no end And always be my very best friend. Amen MALE PRAYER I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with a firm body, big boobs, who owns a liquor store and a ! fishing boat. This doesn't rhyme and I don't care. Amen

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave. 2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years. 3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3. 4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you. 5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses. 6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries. 7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen. 8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it. 10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee. 11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. :) 12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing. 13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message. 14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list. 15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.

1. You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE" 2. You watched the Pound Puppies. 3. You can sing the rap to the "Fresh Prince of Bel- Air" ...and can do the "Carlton". 4. Girls wore biker shorts under their skirts and felt stylishly sexy. 5. You yearned to be a member of the Baby-sitters club and tried to start a club of your own. 6. You owned those lil' Strawberry Shortcake pals scented dolls. 7. You know that "WOAH" comes from Joey on Blossom 8. Two words: Hammer Pants 9. If you ever watched "Fraggle Rock". 10. You had plastic streamers on your handle bars... and "spokey-dokes" or playing cards on your spokes for that incredible sound effect. 11. You can sing the entire theme song to "Duck Tales" 12. When it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons. 13. You wore a ponytail on the side of your head. 14. You saw the original "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" on the big screen... and still know the turtle's names. 15. You got super-excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school. 16. You made your mom buy one of those clips that would hold your shirt in a knot on the side. 17. You played the game "MASH" (Mansion, Apartment, Shelter, House) 18. You wore stonew ashed Jordache jean jackets and were proud of it. 19. L.A. Gear....need I say more 20. You wanted to change your name to "JEM" in Kindergarten. (She's truly outrageous.) 21. You remember reading "Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing" and all the Ramona books. 22. You know the profound meaning of "WAX ON, WAX OFF" 23. You wanted to be a Goonie, and still do ... 24. You ever wore fluorescent clothing. (some of us... head-to-toe) 25. You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off and his cheeks shifted. 26. You have ever pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf. 27. You took lunch boxes to school... and traded Garbage Pail Kids in the school-yard. 28. You remember the CRAZE, then the BANNING of slap bracelets. 29. You still get the urge to say "NOT" after every sentence. 30. You remember Hypercolor t-shirts.. 31. Barbie and the Rockers was your favorite band. 32. You thought she-rah (Princess of Power!) and He- Man should hook up. 33. You thought your childhood friends would never leave because you exchanged handmade friendship bracelets. 34. You ever owned a pair of Jelly-Shoes. (and! like #24, probably in neon colors, too) 35. After you saw Pee-Wee's Big Adventure you kept saying "I know you are, but what am I?" 36. You remember "I've fallen and I can't get up" 37. You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates. 38. You ever got seriously injured on a Slip and Slide. 39. You have ever played with a Skip-It. 40. You had or attended a birthday party at McDonalds. 41. You've gone through this nodding your head in agreement. 42. You remember Popples. 43. "Don't worry, be happy" 44. You wore like, EIGHT pairs of socks over tights with high top Reeboks. 45. You wore socks scrunched down (and sometimes still! do...getting yelled at by "younger hip" members of the family) 46. "Miss MARY MACK MACK MACK, all dressed in BLACK BLACK BLACK" 47. You remember boom boxes... and walking around with one on your shoulder like you were all that. 48. You remember watching both "Gremlins" movies. 49. You know what it meant to say "Care Bear Stare!!" 50. You remember watching "Rainbow Bright" and "My Little Pony Tales" 51. You thought Doogie Howser/Samantha Micelli was hot. 52. You remember Alf, the lil furry brown alien from Melmac. 53. You remember New Kids on the Block when they were cool... and don't even flinch when people refer to them as "NKOTB". 54. You knew all the characters names and their life stories on "Saved By the Bell ", the ORIGINAL class 55. You know all the words to Bon Jovi - SHOT THROUGH THE HEART. 56. You just sang those words to yourself. 57. You remember watching Magic vs. Bird. 58. Homemade Levi shorts... (the shorter the better) 59. You remember when mullets were cool! 60. You had a mullet! 61. You still sing "We are the World" 62. You tight rolled your jeans. 63. You owned a banana clip 64. You remember "Where's the Beef? 65. You used to (and probably still do) say "What you talkin' about Willis?" 66. You had big hair and you knew how to use it. 67. You're still singing shot through the heart in your head, aren't you!!!

I cannot believe I just heard this. Here I am, eating my pizza, then out of the tube I hear "now you can go strong or you can go soft!!!" I about spit my food out laughing. It was a commercial for ass wipe haha! Gotta love Charmin ;-)

Thing to do in K-mart (and i have done some of this!) Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations. Get boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they don't realise it. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day. Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while squeezing your legs together and practically yell at him "I need some tampons." (Extra points for this one if you're male.) Try on bras over top of your clothes. Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the rest rooms. While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice possible "I smell sex and candy" Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in Homewares," and see what happens. Tune all the radios to a line-dancing station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to "10." Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles. Put M&M's on lay-by. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows >from another aisle. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry loudly: "Why won't you people just leave me alone?" Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men. While handling knives in the Outdoors section, suddenly ask the attendant if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Switch the Men's and Women's signs on the doors of the rest rooms. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission Impossible." Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store. In the auto department, practice your "Gaultieresque-Madonna" look with various funnels. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like "Pick me!!, Pick me!!". When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the foetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!" Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.