willyblues's blog: "Humor by Willy (you been warned)"

Charlie was fixing a door and found that he needed a new hinge, so he sent his, blonde, wife Mary to Home Depot. At Home Depot, Mary saw a beautiful bathroom faucet while she was waiting for Walt, the manager, to finish waiting on a customer. When Walt was finished, Mary asked 'How much for that faucet?' Walt replied, 'That's pewter and it costs $300.' 'My goodness, that sure is a lot of money!' Mary exclaimed. Then she proceeded to describe the hinge that Charlie had sent her to buy, and Walt went to the back room to find it. From the back room Walt yelled, 'Mary, you wanna screw for that hinge?' Mary replied, 'No, but I will for the faucet.' This is why you can't send a woman to Home Depot.

About the whole youth thing, was talkin' to someone about this; as a kid (2 - 21) you want to be older or have people think you are (fake ID, etc.)! When you hit the big 3- oh, and fuckin' age starts to show you wish you were young again! But do you fuckin' really want to be 16 and wanna be 21? BTW these numbers only for illustration they ain't written in stone!

Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable. When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love. I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is, Ralph hanged himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead." Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"

WILLY's VAGINA SHRINKING FORMULA By WILLY In my never-ending attempts to make some fuckin' money online, refer to my "Fuck it Suck My Butt Cheeks Kit," and all the other shit I've tried. (That one is mentioned here because it's the fucking only one that made me a few dimes, i.e., $10 bills)! Well, this time I really think I've got it; if you've been online for any length of time you've been constantly bombarded by all the fuckin' "Penis Enlargement Pills" popup ads! Now being that sex is a two-way thing, even you one-way's can benefit from this, I've decided to go at it from the opposite direction by offering "Willy's Vagina Shrinking Formula" available in pills, and cream! Unlike the "Super Dick" pills, that men have to take forever, chicks can take a pill approximately one hour before intercourse, effects last up to eight hours! And the pussy will have tightened up! Or failing that use the cream, quicker acting but lasts half as long, by applying it to your cunt! Warning; don't go crazy you may have a hard time getting the finger back out; also the cream doesn't work better the more you use! The cream is fast acting, in a matter of minutes you'll be tighter than a virgin! Be careful that the cream is fully dissolved in your pussy or your lover's penis, finger, or tongue may also shrink! Note; it is suggested that you use a lubricating cream or jelly at least for the first few strokes after that your body will take over and provide enough juice to go to town! If you want your cunt to be "tighter than a rat's asshole" simply take a pill when you first meet the guy, in a bar! Then when he suggests you go to his apartment, excuse yourself, go to the bathroom, and apply a thin layer of cream! This way by the time he's ready to bone you your cunt will be tight as a tick! And depending on how much time has passed and how much cream you used it should all be dissolved! OK now the chicks on my list are all asking, "Where the fuck can I get this shit?" The men are probably too more so the pills than the cream, they can be slipped into her drink! For the time being I only have 50 bottles of 100 pills and 50 4-oz tubes of cream. This stuff has secret shit in it that I ain't about to disclose in a fuckin' email. Judging by my sales of the first batch I may, or may not, put the shit in production. To order your trial batch go to www.tightenmytwat.com it will ask your email address add that and use gimmelil as your password. Inside you can order what you want for $79.95 for pills and $49.95 for cream! Payable to this screen name by Paypal. Remember there are 100 pills there that should be enough for 5 years, that's going by how often you give your husband pussy! The times maybe adjusted for newlyweds, and if you're fuckin' around on the side be sure to buy enough to cover yourself, no good running out and having your Romeo discover your cunt is the size of the fuckin' Lincoln tunnel! Re: WILLY's VAGINA SHRINKING FORMULA Holy shit! Y'all have bought my meager supplies the fuck out. Well, this morning I still had five tubes of the cream but they sold the fuck out also. You know I like this net-business shit; I was used to calling my banks 1-800 number and being told my fuckin' account only had $1.99 left but now I call and muh dinero bee's growing! Now everybody that received my original "Vagina Shrinking Formula" email Monday knows I ain't one to gossip so I'm gonna share some actual emails I received on my fuckin' formula without the names of the senders! Note: these are only some of the emails I've received. Okay? Here goes: BTW I haven't gotten anybody's permission to do this so tough shit! "Dear Willy, I just received my order of your Vagina Shrinking Formula and I must say this stuff works wonders! Even after three kids it still made my husband have to grunt to stick it in. I didn't use lubricating jelly, ooops my mistake, but my cunt soon made up for it I was juicing like a watermelon. Willy if you're ever here in _______ I promise you a piece of tight pussy!" I just may take you up on that... by Willy "Damn it Willy I shouldn't have taken your instructions as a joke. It seemed funny to me what you wrote about having the stuff dissolve I didn't and my ole man's dick did. It also kept his dick shrunk until he woke up the next morning. But that stuff worked good on me. I only have one question for you. Does the body develop a resistance to the formula? Let me know when you're going to be in ______ and we'll fuckin' partay!" This stuff hasn't been tested enough to know about resistance, shit you should've read my instructions carefully. And instead of worrying about resistance be thankful your cunt was little again! Hmm if only one was on the way to the other... by Willy "Willy, I used the formula just like you said to. I was in a bar here in _____ and this new guy came in. He started buying me drinks and shit so I took a pill. In about an hour he asked me over to his place I said let me go to the bathroom first. Went there and used the cream, a thin layer (did I use to much?) like you said. I came out to the barroom and the fuckin' bastard wasn't there! I asked John, the bartender, where the fuck was he? John said he went out to the parking lot. I thought he must be getting the car warm or something. He was doing something all right he was getting a blow job. That pissed me off so I went back in the bar and started drinking. After a few drinks I had to pee. I went, sat down, and my cunt was so tight I couldn't piss? Finally after trying for a while I got it out. What the fuck is in this shit?" Well, like I said before I ain't disclosing what's there in no fuckin' email! But I guess you're saying it works huh? By Willy Okay y'all your shit is in the mail IF you ain't gotten it yet. I spent the morning negotiating with a vitamin manufacturing company. They will make the stuff for me only their price on capsules is less than the pills. The cream is also coming from same place. Same shit different wrapper. I expect the first bunch to get here tomorrow. Only thing is now I have to collect shipping and handling. I think a flat fee of $5, including insurance, will do. So if you bought the first load save a pill or two. Someday they'll be rare. Thanks to all my loyal online buddies. MORE EMAILS ON VAGINA SHRINKING FORMULA I've been getting more emails about my magic formula. I actually deleted this one because, fuck it, I ain't used to getting "Thank You" emails! Especially from screen names I never heard of. Anyway I got this one from a husband of an AOL subscriber, I think at least. He says: "Willy that shit is fuckin' amazing my fuckin' old lady's cunt was the size of a garage but your shit shrunk it down & made it tight!!!" I ain't responded yet, but can anything more be said? That's another fuckin' satisfied customer in my book! I also have no idea who his old lady is and the email was shit canned by twatmail so... I only was able to save (remember actually) this much. This next one I'll admit I was a fucking dummy for even opening but fuck it I did. (Shrug) The subject line of the email was; "Willy let's make dollars together." Inside it said this fuckin' guy worked (swept the fuckin' floors maybe)? at a name brand pharmaceutical company and he was interested in a partnership. A fuckin' 50/50 partnership! This is from the actual email I sent back to his sorry ass: "50/50? Fuck NO neither you nor any of your fuckin' slimy partners are going to cash in on my fuckin' formula! I have a suggestion for you ASCAP: take a Viagra then take one of my Vagina Shrinking pills. This will confuse the fuck out of your Dick!" By Willy I've also been getting my share of grateful letters from the chicks I sent the email to. Here are a few: "Willy I fuckin' love you! Anybody who could tighten my twat with just a little cream is all fuckin' right with me. BTW I'm sorry now I didn't buy the pills too but I got my order in now. SMOOOOOOOOOOOCHES Willy!" That's the kind of email I like to get. It makes me feel like maybe I ain't wasting my fuckin' time online! By Willy "Hey Willy my damn cream got fuckin' stolen. I think it was the guy who fucked me, I told him about this 'Magic Shrinking Formula' I had. Don't worry I didn't mention your name. Maybe I should've? Anyway I get my welfare check the first. Can you do me a favor and send me another cream? Please, I'm on my knees!" (Excerpt) "Yeah, use my fucking name when you mention it; it's "Willys Vagina Shrinking Formula!" This chick sent me a two fuckin' page letter telling me about this shit. First thing until February 3rd, I won't have any. And besides how is it up to me to replace what you fuckin' lost? Geeze! This chick gave me an idea for the next batch of cream though. It will come in flavors, which I fuckin' know many men will appreciate, to be used to shrink the fuckin' motor mouth of squeezes like her!" By Willy FUNNY EMAILS Hey looks like I hit the cunt on the thump with my Vagina Shrinking Formula. Here are a few more of the emails I've gotten. And no I don't fuckin' ask permission, I leave your fuckin' names out of it and put things into my words hopefully without fuckin' up what you were trying to say. Here goes: "Dear Willy, Oh if you were here you could fuck this tight pussy! Shit I been told, by the fuckin' guy who took my virginity that this stuff made me tighter than I was then. And the great thing is with a little cream and half an hour I can be again and again. I love you Willy!" Yeah, yeah, darling I love you too. Be sure to buy more of the Formula. It sounds like you're going to need it. By Willy "Hey Willy, first thing is I'm one of the married women. But I give my husband more pussy than twenty times a year. In fact I'll be giving him some September 1st and 15th. So you figure it out, that's more than twenty times a year isn't it? Ooops sweetheart I guess maybe I should've said y'all give them pussy 25 times a year? That way I'd have been one up on your twenty four fuckin' times. (12 months X 2 times.) Geeeze! By Willy "Willy baby, hey that Formula is fantastic. As I told you last year I finally got my tits done. Silicon they're already pierced. Anyway I told the fuckin' Dr. I wanted a massive fuckin' chest so I was like a pig in shit when I went from 34B to 46DDD. Only thing is it's not easy to walk with them lumps on my chest. I heard of your Formula, my girlfriend forwarded your email, and I bought some cream. Now before I go out I rub a little on my tits and they fuckin' shrink! I also used it in my cunt and it tightens up my twat. Willy add me to your jokelist I want to get notified of your next brilliant idea. Love you baby!" Ok I'll add you to jokelist but you gotta send me a picture of your new tits. Without any fuckin' cream that is. By Willy "Is this Willy the pig fuckin' son of a bitch? If I ever see your fuckin' ugly mug you'll be missing teeth. I picked up a chick last night; she said she had a tight fucking pussy. I thought, yeah right she's been laid more than a fuckin' carpet. She went into the bathroom to put something in her cunt, when she got out she blew me for a few then I stuck it in her cunt. She was right that cunt was tight but then my fuckin' dick started to shrink! I hadn't busted a nut yet so I was still trying to bang her when my cock slipped out and no way could I get it back in. I swear to God, Willy I'll kill you!" This is from another satisfied customer, her cunt was fucking tight, y'all just didn't follow my fucking instructions. Hey dummy a condom would've been a help here too! By Willy Copyright 2005 Willy Senkiwsky -- All Rights Received -- Unauthorized Duplication Prohibited

"If you would not be forgotten as soon as you are dead, either write things worth reading, or do things worth writing." -Benjamin Franklin "Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever." -Napoleon Bonaparte "Let us take things as we find them: let us not attempt to distort them into what they are not. We cannot make facts. All our wishing cannot change them. We must use them." -John Henry Cardinal Newman

I've come to the conclusion that Penis Enlarging Pills are the fuckin' male equivalent of silicon and boob jobs! Like those things they may make someone nice to look at but no fuckin' way do they help do anything more!

This one been in the cooker a while, finally got the lyrics down at and outside of Blues Bar! But my shit ain't written in stone! A cynical Willyism for the fuckin' day; What the fuck is a genre'? Sounds to me like a French word for breasts, i.e., man did did you see the fuckin' genre's on that chick! FERTILIZE THE GRASS By WILLY SENKIWSKY 12/9/07 10 am G Harp, Key of D, Slow Shuffle No matter who you is or was in the past Matters not if ya go for whales catfish or bass When life is done you will fertilize the grass! No way to know about last breath I don't know when I'll draw last breath But remember without life would be no death! Everything alive is going to die And tears can't help or the nicest smile! Makes no difference if they cremate your ass Your dust will still fertilize the grass! Yeah life is a prison term Here we're doing prison terms When finished bodies will be home to worms! This is life as long as it lasts You maybe a drop out or best in class But when life is over you will fertilize the grass!!!... Copyright 2007 Willy Senkiwsky -- All Rights Reserved -- Unauthorized Duplication Prohibited "The Blues are the roots, and the other music is the fruits." One of Willie Dixon's favorite sayings, from I Am the Blues by Willie Dixon with Don Snowden (DaCapo, 1989) "Life is like music, it must be composed by ear, feeling and instinct, not by rule. Nevertheless one had better know the rules, for they sometimes guide in doubtful cases, though not often." --Samuel Butler (1612-80), English poet, Author "Simple music is the hardest music to play and blues is simple music." --Albert Collins

We are people; subject to all the shit that implies! Like jealousy, laughing at and putting down others forgetting where we came from, lying to each other, and thinking shit was so fuckin' much better in days gone by! Oh excuse me I fuckin' NEVER lie, or I do I'm just honest enough to admit it!

Had nothing better to do and with all the talk about tits here's one fuckin' list; BREASTS: APPLES BALCONY BALLOONS BANGERS BAZONGAS BAZOOMS BEAN BAGS BIG BROWN EYES BON-BONS BOOBIES BOOBS BOTTLES BOULDERS BULLETS BUMPERS BUSTERS BUTTERBAGS CANTELOUPES GAZONGAS GLANDS GLOBES GRAPEFRUITS GUAVAS HANDFUL HAND-WARMERS HEADERS HEADUGHTS HILLS HONKERS HOOTERS HOWITZERS JABOOS JIBS JUGS JUMBOS KAZONGAS KNOBS KNOCKERS LACTOIDS LOAVES LOBLOLLIES LOVE BUBBLES LOVE MUFFINS LULUS LUNGS MAMMETS MAMS MANGOES MEATBALLS MEAT LOAVES MELONS MILK CANS MILK SHOP MOUNDS MOUNT OF ULIES MOUNTAINS MUFFINS MULLIGANS MURPHIES NANCIES NATURE'S FONTS NIBLETS NINNIES NIPPERS NODULES NOOGIES NUBBIES NUTS ORANGES ORBS OTTOMANS PAIR PALOOKAS PAPAYAS PAPS PEACHES PEAKS PEARS PECTS PEEPERS PILLOWS PIPS POKERS PONTOONS POTATOES PUMPKINS PUMPS RIB CUSHIONS ROUNDIES SANDBAGS SCONES SCOOPS SET SHAKERS SHIMMIES SKIN SACKS SNUGGLE PUPS SPHERES SPUDS STACKS STUFFING SWEATER MEAT SWEET ROLLS SWINGERS TAMALES TETONS TIDBITS TITS TITTERS TI=IES TOMATOES TOOTERS TORPEDOES TWANGERS TWIN PEAKS TWOFERS UMLAUTS UPPER DECK WALDOS WARHEADS WARTS WATERMELONS WHOPPERS WOBBLERS WONGAS YABBOS YAMS ZEPPELINS

T'was the night before Christmas, in Texas, you know. Way out on the prairie, without any snow. Asleep in their cabin, were Buddy and Sue, A dreamin' of Christmas, like me and you. Not stockings, but boots, at the foot of their bed, For this was Texas, what more need be said. When all of a sudden, from out of the still night, There came such a ruckus, it gave me a fright. And I saw 'cross the prairie, like a shot from a gun, A loaded up buckboard, come on at a run, The driver was "Geein" and "Hawin", with a will, The horses (not reindeer) he drove with such skill. "Come on there Buck, Poncho, & Prince, to the right, There'll be plenty of travelin' for you all tonight." The driver in Levi's and a shirt that was red, Had a ten-gallon Stetson on top of his head. As he stepped from the buckboard, he was really a sight, With his beard and moustache, so curly and white. As he burst in the cabin, the children awoke, And were so astonished, that neither one spoke. And he filled up their boots with such presents galore, That neither could think of a single thing more. When Buddy recovered the use of his jaws, He asked in a whisper, "Are you really Santa Claus?" "Am I the real Santa? Well, what do you think?" And he smiled as he gave a mysterious wink. Then he leaped in his buckboard and called back in his drawl, "To all the children in Texas, Merry Christmas, y'all"