My Obituary
James _____, 24, of Marquette, died today of injuries sustained as the result of intentionally driving a vehicle into the wall of an abandoned building. Seconds prior to impact Mr. _____ allegedly telephoned an anonymous friend, saying "fuck it, why not? At least it'll be pretty fucking cool. Tell the bastards to put 'Fuck you commies, I never liked you anyways' on my headstone.' Fuck 'em all, the bastard ratfucks. They can all piss off. This shit's played out. Alright, I'm out."
Mr. _____ is survived by his brother, William G. ______ III, of Missouri, father Michael _____, of Escanaba, and mother, Katherine _________, of Missouri. Services will not be held, because Mr. _____ was a complete fucking prick, and nobody ever really liked him anyways. The body will, however, be put on display in the park, anyone is welcome to spit on or otherwise defile it from noon Saturday to noon Monday. The corpse will not be interred, but will instead be thrown in the city dump, where it belongs
