in a world where peer pressure and racism have crowded with the ever changing politics that have engulfed our government and invaded our lives,
i am forced to leave behind those struggles of defeat only to be beat down with my own demons that have haunted me for some time now,
that sence of security that comes with health has swept through my life like a theif in the night and has robbed me of my sanity and stripped me of my zest for life and longing for my success,
taking away my joy and leaving me sadness taking my happiness and replacing with pain taking my goals and adding defeat stealing all that i have within me to give me back heartache,
although its hard to give up this life that was once full of fun and laughter and smiles and tears of joy rather than pain,
the easy part is that i have no love no husband no kids no parents no siblings no one person left to mourn me except maybe a freind or two in passing,
i however do leave behind a man that makes my world glitter and shimmer yet doesnt care for my existance at all and freinds that have come and gone but remain in my heart i leave behind the life i do have and the one that i always prayed for,
it makes me sad and breaks my heart that i will never hear a man say "i love you" or kids say "mommy"my parents are deceased so last moment in this scarry time are obsolete im stuck here with one question,
how do i say goodbye?
to the man i have loved so long and lost so easy
to the dreams of waking to breakfast with my husband and kids to the thought of having someone to come home to and wake up with im finding this harder than i imagined,
i had thought that it would be easy to leave this world with no strings attached to me but im finding that it is harder and harder each day i am having to learn to fight my battles with armor on and my fears with a mask and im lonely and im scared and i am even more afraid of dying alone,
this is not by any means a easy battle to face but with breast cancer running in my family i think i was doomed from the start you find yourself quite vulnerable when a doctor looks at you and says theres nothing left to do at this point but let it run its course as if your life was a maze and your looking for the big ending,
having said all that i say this...
dont do as i have done be the best freind you can to all you meet love endlessly and dont be afraid to fall in love have kids if you can and be good to them because its lonely without that joy and pleasure take time out for your parents because when God calls them home it is far too late to say you love them and cared.
