READ PART ONE FIRST, THEY POST THE MOST RECENT POST FIRST. "Corn?" I asked. The beads of sweat on my forehead now made a downward trek towards my eyelids and my pants felt a little fuller. The large man who positioned himself to be my judge and jury held aloft a sparkling ear of corn. "This is the corn of judgment given to our people by the great and benevolent machine of knowledge is the instrument of your judgment." Great, I thought. This is turning out to be one scarily stupid turn of events. "The great and benevolent machine has stood as our protector for thousands of years and has never failed us." "Hey listen bub; I don't think you understand the situa... "SILENCE! the large man boomed. "You will not speak. You will not address the grand inquisitor. You will not even fart without my permission and I have not chosen to give it." He raised the hand containing the golden ear of corn and commanded his followers to prepare me for the execution. They forcefully dragged me to my feet and held my hands firmly behind me. They took me out into a large field that had been stripped bare of all the foliage and in which strange looking devices had been constructed to replace the once dense forest. The group of men surrounding me quickly prepared the device that was to be my doom. They adjusted oddly shaped arms and turned alien looking knobs so the machine would accommodate my height, which was, much less than their own. After the adjustments were completed I was strapped to the device with my arms outstretched above me, my legs spread wide, and my head held firmly back so my only view was the morning sky. The grand inquisitor started speaking in a strange tongue. His followers began chanting and beating the ground with large sticks and their feet. Amidst the banging and chanting, I heard a new sound from behind me. This sound was more cacophonous and disjointed than the chorus of noise coming from my captors. Suddenly the forest exploded with laser fire and yelling as the gay astronauts being chased heatedly by the Andorian battle dwarves erupted into the clearing in a display to rival any riot at a South American soccer game. The Inquisitor stood stunned and silent as the war between the two enemies poured into his arena of death. The followers on the ground not appreciative of having their morning murder interrupted raised their sticks and charged head long at the new threats. The leader of these gigantic peoples started to shout orders he soon found shouting to be a difficult task when a stray bolt of fire from one of the dwarves blasted a hole through his neck. In the chaos, one of the astronauts launched himself unto the platform and began firing back at the pursuing enemy. In the return fire, the device that held me in place was nearly destroyed. This happy accident allowed me to free myself. I made a mad dash for the forest and as far away from the fighting as I could. After an hour of exhausting bipedal motion, I collapsed unceremoniously unto a pile of wet leaves and unbenounced to me a few rocks as well. The painful impact knocked the wind from my lungs. As I gasped for air and clutched my chest, I rolled over onto my back and was greeted by a most astonishing sight. A creature that looked very similar to a giant sloth with large extraorbital eyes that gleamed at me from this mad looking marsupial. As the creature extended its tail so its face was directly above mine, its mouth opened in what appeared to be a grin and it let out a small squeak and proceeded to lick my face like a puppy. It inched downward further until its feet touched the ground. It circled around me a couple of times before settling down directly on my chest. As it licked my face and made soothing purring sounds I was startled by an all together new sensation. A previously unseen appendage appeared below the creatures belly. It continued to extend outward until it reached and astounding 3 feet in length. As the snake like appendage wriggled around on my chest, I began to feel oddly ashamed and dirty. The alien digit proceeded to curl backwards and lodged itself inside my trousers. As it twisted around toward my backside, I began to get dizzy and my vision became very dark. The last thing I recall before unconsciousness set in was the creature cooing softly and faintly seeing its already enormous eyes grow wider with excitement. To be continued....
