Dmass73's blog: "Holiday on Zebulon 9"

READ PART ONE FIRST, THEY POST THE MOST RECENT POST FIRST. "Corn?" I asked. The beads of sweat on my forehead now made a downward trek towards my eyelids and my pants felt a little fuller. The large man who positioned himself to be my judge and jury held aloft a sparkling ear of corn. "This is the corn of judgment given to our people by the great and benevolent machine of knowledge is the instrument of your judgment." Great, I thought. This is turning out to be one scarily stupid turn of events. "The great and benevolent machine has stood as our protector for thousands of years and has never failed us." "Hey listen bub; I don't think you understand the situa... "SILENCE! the large man boomed. "You will not speak. You will not address the grand inquisitor. You will not even fart without my permission and I have not chosen to give it." He raised the hand containing the golden ear of corn and commanded his followers to prepare me for the execution. They forcefully dragged me to my feet and held my hands firmly behind me. They took me out into a large field that had been stripped bare of all the foliage and in which strange looking devices had been constructed to replace the once dense forest. The group of men surrounding me quickly prepared the device that was to be my doom. They adjusted oddly shaped arms and turned alien looking knobs so the machine would accommodate my height, which was, much less than their own. After the adjustments were completed I was strapped to the device with my arms outstretched above me, my legs spread wide, and my head held firmly back so my only view was the morning sky. The grand inquisitor started speaking in a strange tongue. His followers began chanting and beating the ground with large sticks and their feet. Amidst the banging and chanting, I heard a new sound from behind me. This sound was more cacophonous and disjointed than the chorus of noise coming from my captors. Suddenly the forest exploded with laser fire and yelling as the gay astronauts being chased heatedly by the Andorian battle dwarves erupted into the clearing in a display to rival any riot at a South American soccer game. The Inquisitor stood stunned and silent as the war between the two enemies poured into his arena of death. The followers on the ground not appreciative of having their morning murder interrupted raised their sticks and charged head long at the new threats. The leader of these gigantic peoples started to shout orders he soon found shouting to be a difficult task when a stray bolt of fire from one of the dwarves blasted a hole through his neck. In the chaos, one of the astronauts launched himself unto the platform and began firing back at the pursuing enemy. In the return fire, the device that held me in place was nearly destroyed. This happy accident allowed me to free myself. I made a mad dash for the forest and as far away from the fighting as I could. After an hour of exhausting bipedal motion, I collapsed unceremoniously unto a pile of wet leaves and unbenounced to me a few rocks as well. The painful impact knocked the wind from my lungs. As I gasped for air and clutched my chest, I rolled over onto my back and was greeted by a most astonishing sight. A creature that looked very similar to a giant sloth with large extraorbital eyes that gleamed at me from this mad looking marsupial. As the creature extended its tail so its face was directly above mine, its mouth opened in what appeared to be a grin and it let out a small squeak and proceeded to lick my face like a puppy. It inched downward further until its feet touched the ground. It circled around me a couple of times before settling down directly on my chest. As it licked my face and made soothing purring sounds I was startled by an all together new sensation. A previously unseen appendage appeared below the creatures belly. It continued to extend outward until it reached and astounding 3 feet in length. As the snake like appendage wriggled around on my chest, I began to feel oddly ashamed and dirty. The alien digit proceeded to curl backwards and lodged itself inside my trousers. As it twisted around toward my backside, I began to get dizzy and my vision became very dark. The last thing I recall before unconsciousness set in was the creature cooing softly and faintly seeing its already enormous eyes grow wider with excitement. To be continued....

(Short Sci-Fi story I've been fiddling with. It was meant to be a very short story so it begans in that manner. I quickly decided to give it more depth so the style of writing changes as the story progresses) One day I was driving in my beat-up Ford pick-up truck when I was abducted by 6 gay astronauts. Bill, Steve, Chuck, Bruce, Howard, and Skip. The interior of their spacecraft was fuchsia and decorated with posters of half-naked men in velvety underpants posing like Greek statues. After what seemed like forever, they all entered my holding cell in latex cowboy outfits. One of them was holding a Gloria Gaynor record. "Now we shall all dance while Skip probes your anus for chocolate candies and assorted knick knacks!" Said Bill. Steve placed the dusty record on the turntable and lowered the needle onto the slightly warped black disc. The music began to pound in my ear like like a horny monkey with a bad sense of direction. Skip sauntered up to my bed and began to roll me over. Dont worry." He said in a soft, soothing voice. This lube is hypo-allergenic and 100 orgasmic...err organic." He tightly tied my limbs to the table and removed my pants. His five companions writhed and humped the air in a homoerotic disco or arms and asses while Skip busied himself with the task at hand. He slowly inserted a 9" Cylindrical object into my rectal cavity. I winced as the cold steel probe pierced my tight sphincter. Suddenly there was a flash of light and the room was now occupied by some new guests. "Andorian Battle Dwarves!!!" Cried Chuck. Bruce dove under the table and started feverishly chewing on his own knees. A fierce battle erupted in my holding cell. Amidst the confusion and death, I untied my bonds, fled the now crowded compartment, and headed for the control deck. When I reached the bridge, I feverishly began punching at buttons and moving controls. Somehow after a time I began to understand the alien controls. I navigated to the nearest planet that the nav computer said was habitable and tried to set her down for a landing. To my surprise as the ship approached the surface an automated sequence took over and landed me safely on the planets surface. After a few minutes of fiddling, I was able to find the button that released the door to the outside. As I stepped from the shipped I was blinded a beautifully drawn landscape of lush green vegetation, sprawling mountains, radiant flowers giving off thick, heady aromas and....fish! Large fish that were walking upright and breathing the air! There were hundreds of these creatures walking along the planets surface, meandering about with no apparent objectives. Than it hit me...I had left the oven on back home! As I was viewing the scene before me, the sounds of battle erupted from within the ship. Fierce yells and screams could be heard coming from within. I decided now would be a good time to get out of Dodge. I owned a Dodge once; it was a pretty good car. Except every time I plugged in the lighter the radio would cycle through the stations and stick on a gospel channel. I grabbed some supplies from close by. Just a few small bags of what appeared to be survival gear, rations, and small electronic devices for measuring weather, sound waves, heat patterns, etc... I rushed down the stairs and past a few of the fish like creatures wandering aimlessly near the ship. I dashed off into the dense forest before me and to what I thought would be a relatively safe hiding place. After I had trekked about a quarter of a mile, I decided to stop for a rest by a large ominous looking tree. As I leaned against the behemoth tree I heard the sound of gas erupting. Not the kind from a stove, or every the variety you put in your car, but flatulence. Booming, unimaginably wet sounding flatulence. I looked up from the ground and my eyes met with the strangest creature I had ever seen. It was approximately 7 feet tall and humanoid. It wore long grayish robes and had thick clumps of matted, carpet like hair coming from atop its long pale face. As our gazes met, the creature spoke. "You have attempted an illegal mating ritual and must be punished." Its tone was expressionless, yet seemed to hit me with all the weight of a moving semi. Excuse me?" I said to this oversized cave dwellers. "You have been viewed by me rubbing yourself against the great tree or Orbanus and so you must be taken before the elders to be punished.Guy.....I can sure you I am not trying to get it on with this tree." "And I can assure you. The creature replied That whatever your thoughts may be they are irrelevant. You have soiled the tree of Orbanus and must be taken before the elders." "Now wait just a minute... was all I could get out of my mouth before darkness took me. The beasts powerful hands came down on my shoulders and smashed me to the ground. As the forced slumber overtook my will to be conscious I heard the sound of the creatures ass whistle another wet, sloppy song of indigestion. I awoke on the floor of a dark damp cave. The dirt floor upon which my head rested was alive with insect life. The earthen floor moved beneath me in a majestic dance of utter chaos. An undulating bug-fuck disco unfolded before my straining sockets. "Stand and be judged, creature." The voice tore through my head like so many frantic shoppers through a Department store on Black Friday. I lifted my head to see what appeared to be the leader of these strange creatures towering above me. "Stand and be judged." It said again. I rose to my feet as best I could, my head and shoulders, while free of dandruff were throbbing like the loins of a catholic priest at the site of an alter boy undressing. As I wobbled precariously, the creature bore down upon me once more with his large basso voice. "You have been found copulating with the great tree of Orbanus and it the finding of this court that you are guilty. The punishment for your crime is death." "Whoa!" I yelled. "Just wait one minute there Jack. I'm a stranger here and I think it's a little unfair for you to just... I was cut off by that voice again. "There will be no argument...the Corn has spoken."....To be continued.