drill's blog: "Hilarity ensues...."

There are times when some of the fellas on here ask me..."Drill...you smooth mother fucker you....how the hell do you get da bishes?" 

Well I wrote some things down to help some of you poor fellas out and this is what I got...

 

For guys that need help with girls, Do this:

1. When she asks how she looks, shrug and say "could be better." This will keep her on her toes, and girls love that.

2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness. If she grabs your hand, squeeze hers really, really hard until she cries. This will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are.

3. Once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs. They love to be roughed up.

4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. If she is, say "you better be." Repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care.

5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement, and every girl needs some improvement.

6. Recognize the small things; they usually mean the most. Then when she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them. Because jewelry is for pussies and Asian ladies.

7. If you're talking to another girl, make sure she's looking. When she is, stare into her eyes, mouth the words 'fuck you, ' and grab the other girl's ass. Girls love competition.

8. Tell her you're taking her out to dinner. Drive for miles so she thinks it's going to be really special. Then take her to a burning tire yard. When she starts to get upset tell her you were just kidding and now you're really going to take her to dinner. Then drive her home. When she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear "...because I can."

9. Introduce her to your friends as "some chick". Women love those special nicknames.

10. Play with her hair. Play with it HARD.

11. Warm her up when she's cold... but not by giving her your jacket, because then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say, "If you don't stop bitching about the cold right now, you're going to be bitching about a black eye." The best way to get warm is with fear.

12. Take her to a party. When you get there she'll have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the party's dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at the party.

13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet. Kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny. Why shouldn't girls?

14. Let her fall asleep in your arms. When she's fast asleep, wait 10 minutes then JUMP UP AND SCREAM IN HER EAR! Repeat until she goes home and you can use your arms for more important things. Like basketball.

15. Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit.

16. If you care about her, never ever tell her. This will only give her self confidence. Then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.

17. Every time you're in her house steal one of the following: shoes, earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way she'll go crazy.

18. Take her out to dinner. Right when she's about to order interrupt and say "No, she's not hungry". Make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy that speaks for her.

19. Look her in the eyes and smile. Then clock her one. Girls love a spontaneous guy.

20. Give her one of your t-shirts... and make sure it has your smell on it. But not a sexy cologne smell. A bad smell. You know what I'm talking about.

22. If you're listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no. This way she'll think you're mysterious.

23. Remember her birthday, but don't get her anything. Teach her material objects aren't important. The only thing that's important is that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.

24. When she gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas, or just whenever, take it and tell her you love it. Then next time you know she's coming over on a trash day leave the trash can open and have the present visibly sticking out of the can. Girls actually don't like this one that much, but I think it's funny.

25. If she's mad at you for not calling her when you say you will, promise her that you will call her at a certain time of the day. This will ensure that she waits by the phone. Tell her when you call you're going to tell her a special surprise. Now she'll be really excited. Now don't call. That's also quite funny!

Ok again had to save this convo somewhere since it cracked me up so here it is. BTW if you are reading this keep in mind I have never talked to this chick ever! ->candy_88: I was too actually candy_88: i was serious thanks ->candy_88: How big is that vibrator? You running it all the way inside of you? ->candy_88: Well it tastes like pennies...I know...big let down right there but to this day I can never look at the change from McDonalds the same ya know. candy_88: damn i have to use my vibrator again candy_88: yea but have you ever eatin a woman and she squirted i'm curious how it tasted i get into watchin porn and thats my fav squirters and it looks like urine i know they say its not but what do u think ->candy_88: I live in Indiana hun so your a lil ways away from me candy_88: so you live where ->candy_88: squirten's hot....nothin wrong with that at all candy_88: yea i squirt sometimes too so you better wear a raincoat ->candy_88: cotton in my ears huh? Bit of a screamer are we? candy_88: and you better put cotton in your ears candy_88: ok on one condition that is you lube it up good and go slow cause the first time in is gonna hurt like hell ->candy_88: What no ramming it up your ass??? Cmon lady if your gonna act like a freak go all the way for me now! candy_88: read your status message and how bout if you shove it up my pussy and smack me across the ass with it I tried gettin more outta her at the end there but she was too busy discarding me in favor of her toy....story of my life!

I had some fun with this and I wanted to save this somewhere soooooooo why not here for the rest of you to enjoy. See how I take care of you ppl ♥ ->judyhot28: put the phone on vibrate and slide it inside of you and I will be texting in just a minute and I wanna make sure its worth your while judyhot28: text me now.. judyhot28: nah i can't here baby..if u wanna see some my be i can show u tru my mobile... ->judyhot28: yea but what about the pictures lady cuz I got a hankerin for some celery that tastes like twat ya know. cmon now don't get me all worked up and not deliver. I want those pics ya know. Hell make it a video...yea video! judyhot28: ok text me and let's do ur fantasies...text my name JUDY and send to 35338... ->judyhot28: your fantasies?? Look lady I wanna see your hot lil bot ass playin with that twat and shovin veggies up there....is this happenin or what cuz frankly I am more concerned about my fantasies not yours. judyhot28: me and my bed is missing my warm red blanket...Trust me im aroused and wet right now i got pinkish tight shaved pussy...can you be my blanket? message JUDY to 35338 and reply YES...then were on...I tell you there my new fantasies ->judyhot28: Yea Judy your profile says your from New York but yea whatever....show me the tits you sexy bot you!! Who-GA! judyhot28: Hi there...Im JUDY from Palm Spring California....young and have an ANGELIC face but DEVILISH in bed...If you wanna share some fantasies...count me in...my toy are ready to go...

Ok so backstory....I went into this mumm and this was chick was like "Oh I am all that and a bag o chips and blah blah blah" so I made a comment about leaping over my desk to get a good swing on her cuz she was annoying. This dude seems to think I can hit ppl through my monitor....(Obviously from bottom to top) ->Crimson Ne...: Are we starting this up all over again??? Really? Crimson Ne...: you don't fucking get it, mors is over there preventing them from coming to america and just killing us all, so yeah i'd say you'd need his protection, not to mention you never know when your gonna die, and to be honest i hope it's horribly ->Crimson Ne...: Awesome!! Crimson Ne...: rofl you make me smile, i'll be more than happy to place you at the top of my list of people to beat into oblivion ->Crimson Ne...: Bad Michael Jackson??? Thats good!!! Do you use that line with everyone you threaten to punch out over the internet? I hope not....I wanna feel special Crimson Ne...: oh don't worry, it won't be immediate, but i will discover your location, and you had better make a mold of that pretty boy face because once i'm threw with you, all the plastic surgery your gonna need will certainly make you look like a bad michael jackson ->Crimson Ne...: I'm waiting Crimson Ne...: tsk tsk little closed minded fuck, you need to learn to be watchful of those you talk to, it doesn't take much to locate someone, just need friends that know exactly how to find information ->Crimson Ne...: Ok...come find me.... Crimson Ne...: try me ->Crimson Ne...: You won't....not worried about that Crimson Ne...: well i don't give a fuck, be fucking respectful, and don't think i won't be able to find you if i feel the need ->Crimson Ne...: I mean hell the chick saw the humor in it all and shouted me a LMFAO in my sb...she knows its all in fun ->Crimson Ne...: Obviously. Now I realize you have a hard time seeing the line between the internet and reality by your comments so maybe its about time to...oh I dunno...log off....go see that whole big world out there Crimson Ne...: 3 yrs and don't even try calling me an attention whore because i don't give a fuck who comes to page and whatnot, all i care about are my friends that i've made here ->Crimson Ne...: How long you been on here? Crimson Ne...: well try being nicer to mummers, remember it's a question that ran through that person's head and since half of the mummers don't know each other a little respect should be shown ->Crimson Ne...: Ah I see....well go ahead and punch the shit outta yourself there sport cuz I really don't have a dispute here Crimson Ne...: guns are for bitches who can't settle disputes like men ->Crimson Ne...: New gun out on the market or something? Crimson Ne...: no spears, no weapons, just pure straight adrenelin ->Crimson Ne...: Roman style?? Hahahahahahahahahahahaha like with the horses and the spears and shit. Thats funny right there I don't care who ya are! Crimson Ne...: AND YOUR A FUCKING SCUMBAG SO COME ON DOWN TO MONTICELLO NY AND WE'LL SETTLE IT ROMAN STYLE WITH OUR FUCKING FISTS COCKSUCKER!!! ->Crimson Ne...: your an idiot Crimson Ne...: your going to get told one fucking time you dumb sack of shit, if you ever lay your fucking hands on jessa i'll forever be on the FBI's top ten most wanted list at #1 for what i'll fucking do to you, ever hit a fucking woman in my presence and i'll personally fucking bury you and i won't have any fucking regrets, one less fucking scumbag wife beater in the world Yes I realize its a long ass read and I apologize....