Lady Victoria Eclectic Pagan's blog: "Handfasting Info"

The Art of a Good Relationship The little things are as important the big things. It is never being too old to hold hands. It is remembering to say "I love you" at least once a day. It is never going to sleep angry. It is at no time taking the other for granted; the courtship should not end with the honeymoon, it should continue through all the years. It is having a mutual sense of values and common objectives. It is standing together facing the world. It is forming a circle of love that gathers in the whole community. It is doing things for each other, not in the attitude of duty or sacrifice, but in the spirit of joy. It is speaking words of appreciation and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways. It is not looking for perfection in each other. It is cultivating flexibility, patience, understanding and a sense of humor. It is having the capacity to forgive. It is creating an atmosphere in which each can grow. It is finding room for the things of the spirit. It is a common search for the good and the beautiful. It is establishing a relationship in which the independence is equal, And the interdependence is mutual It is not only committing to the right partner, it is being the right partner.

Words of Wisdom on Relationships Love one another, but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between to shore of your souls. Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each of you be alone. Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping, For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow. ~ Kahlil Gibran "To fall in love is easy, even to remain in it is not difficult; our human loneliness is cause enough. But it is a hard quest worth making to find a comrade through whose steady presence one becomes steadily the person one desires to be." -Anna Louise Strong "The moment you have in your heart this extraordinary thing called love and feel the depth, the delight, the ecstasy of it, you will discover that for you the world is transformed." -J. Krishnamurti "You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection." -Buddha Especially good for polyamorous folks The more you love, the more you can love and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just. --Robert A. Heinlein, Time Enough for Love Gaelic Wedding Blessing Mile failte dhuit le d'bhre/id, Fad do re/ gun robh thu slan. Mo/ran laithean dhuit is sith, Le d'mhaitheas is le d'ni bhi fas. Translated as: "A thousand welcomes to you with your marriage kerchief, may you be healthy all your days. May you be blessed with long life and peace, may you grow old with goodness, and with riches." This is attributed to the Rev. Donald MacLeod, minister of Duirinish, Skye, Scotland c. 1760. Supplied by Christopher Lau, University of Calgary A good marriage is one which allows for change and growth in the individuals and in the way they express their love. --Pearl Buck Let me not to the marriage of true minds Admit impediments: love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds. --William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616), Sonnet cxvi Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgets them. Ogden Nash (1902 - 1971) The ritual of marriage is not simply a social event; it is a crossing of threads in the fabric of fate. Many strands bring the couple and their families together and spin their lives into a fabric that is woven on their children. --Portuguese-Jewish Wedding Ceremony You are now taking into your care and keeping the happiness of the one person in all the world whom you love best. You are adding to your life not only the affection of each other, but also the companionship and blessing of a deep trust as well. You are agreeing to share strength, responsibilities and to share love. What greater thing is there for two human souls than to feel that they are joined for life, to strengthen each other in all labor, to rest on each other in sorrow, to minister to each other in all pain, to be with each other in silent unspeakable memories at the moment of the last parting? --George Eliot May your marriage bring you all of the exquisite excitement a marriage should bring. And may life grant you also patience, tolerance, and understanding. Marriage is not only a commitment between lovers, it is also an agreement between two friends. Allow each other time to be an individual, respect each other's wishes as well as their dreams.

Commonly, the structure of a wedding ceremony includes some or all of these elements: processional, creation of sacred space, welcoming of guests and partners, declaration of intent, charge, exchange of vows, exchange of rings (or other symbol of union), blessing/benediction, closing and presentation. Also included are hymns or special music, readings, and a shared meal (cakes and ale). The following scripts are separated into sections, allowing the partners to pick and choose to create a ceremony that is meaningful to the partners. I have not, however, included the creation of sacred space. In cases of multiple partners, the vows may be spoken as a group, or in turn. OPENINGS, WELCOMING, GREETINGS We stand before this company, on this beautiful (season) day, to witness the joining of __________ and __________. Welcome are you, friends and family of this couple/these people. Today, before you and before the Gods, you shall witness a transformation as __________ and __________ share vows and become one. Good friends, we come here today to witness the joyous celebration of the love between __________ and __________ , supporting them in their decision to be joined as one in the sight of this company and of the Gods. Blessed be all who attend this glorious celebration, and blessed be those about to be united in the bonds of love. Friends and loved ones, join with me in the celebration of the union between __________ and __________ as their lives’ paths now merge to become a singular road paved with love. We gladly receive this company today, to share the joy as __________ and __________ are united in marriage. CHARGE If there is any here who can show just cause that these people should not be joined into the bonds of marriage, let them speak now, or keep their silence for all time. You stand before this company and before the Gods, seeking to become one with each other. You have entered into this union with open eyes and full hearts. If either of you, or anyone present here today, know of any reason why these vows should not be made, speak now. You are aware of the reality of the vows you are about to speak to one another; of the responsibility that comes when a partnership is created. If there is any reason within your hearts that this ceremony should not continue at this time, I charge you to voice it now, for marriage is based in honesty and trust, and only with those things can you successfully create a partnership. HP/S: Swear you now, on this sacred blade, that there is no reason known to you that this union should not proceed. Answer: I do so swear. HP/S: Is there any reason known to you why this partnership should not be made? Answer: There is none. I remind you now of your commitment to one another and to the Rede. “An it harm none, do as thou wilt.” Thus runs the Rede, and such should be considered in your new life together. There will be times of hardship which you must endure, supporting one another with your love and strength and honesty. If you feel you are unable to fulfill your duties to your partner and your responsibility to uphold the Rede, now is the time to declare it. DECLARATION OF INTENT In Address to the Partners HP/S: What is your name? (Answer with legal and/or Craft name). HP/S: And what is your desire? Answer: To join with s/he whom I love. HP/S: __________ , will you have this woman/man to be your partner, to live together in marriage? Will you love her/him, comfort her/him, honour and keep her/him in sickness and in health, for as long as love may last? Answer: I will. HP/S: _________ and _________, you stand before me, the Gods, and this company, having desired the bond of marriage. Do you do this of your own free will, coming here today without coercion or pressure from other persons? Answer: I do. HP/S: Will you seek to do her/him harm? Answer: I will not. HP/S: And if harm is done, will you seek to repair it? Answer: I will. HP/S: Will you seek to be honest with her/him in all things? Answer: I will. HP/S: Will you support him/her in times of distress? Answer: I will. HP/S: Will you temper your words and actions with love? Answer: I will. HP/S: These things you have promised to your partner, before this company and the Gods. May you ever be mindful and strive to keep the vows you have spoken. (These vows may be spoken with a tying of a cord or ribbon about the wrists of the enjoined after each answer, with the HP/S adding, “And so the bond is made” or “And to that promise you are bound.”) HP/S: I have spoken, “for as long as love shall last” rather than “until death do you part” in the face of the reality that situations and people change. However, this does not mean rending your partnership at the first sign of trouble or disagreement, for you know that in relationships come difficult times. It is your responsibility within this partnership to strive for acceptable solutions, to work toward healing the hurts that will occur, and only after having exhausted all other avenues of possibility and not reaching a solution should such a bond be broken. HP/S: The latin phrase “Vitam impendere vero” means to consecrate one’s life to truth, and so should truth be the meat of all your dealing within your marriage. Honesty, trust, communication, effort, understanding... all these are the building blocks of a firm marriage, and your solemn responsibility to one another. At this moment you stand at the gateway between your old life and your new. If you, for whatever reason, feel unable to step through that portal at this time, speak now. In Address to the Guests HP/S: Will all of you, present here and witnessing these vows, assist and support these (two) people in their union? Answer: I will. HP/S: As these (two) people are joined, so are your families united through them. It has been their decision to bind themselves by marriage, and their lives will be blessed and enriched by the support you give. Will you encourage and bless __________ and __________ in their union? Will you celebrate their marriage, standing beside them in rough times, yet not standing between them? Answer: I will. HP/S: So Mote It Be. HP/S: You are friends and relatives of this couple, and thus you are an important part of their lives. Their interactions with you are colored by your actions and words. You have a responsibility to one another and to this couple to be supportive, understanding, and honest, and on this day of their marriage do I charge you to temper all of your dealings with love. So Mote It Be. EXCHANGE OF VOWS (Partners may speak the same vows, or choose individual vows) I, __________, do take you, __________, as my partner and mate. Never will I seek to do you harm; always will I strive for your happiness and welfare. My love will be your treasure in the times when other riches fail to serve. My love will be your medicine in sickness as my hand tends your needs. My love will be your mirth when your heart is touched by sadness. My love will be your shining star through the darkest of nights. My love will be your banquet when life’s table seems empty. All this do I promise you with all the love that is in my heart. So mote it be. My love, now do I make my promises to you. I promise to share laughter in times of joy and wonder; to share tears when sorrow touches our lives; to share my dreams and hopes, that our love and minds may grow; to share compassion and understanding during times of frustration and anger; to share all that I have, and all that I am, for as long as love shall last. I, _________, do take you, _________, as my (lawfully wedded) husband/wife. I vow to you, my love and partner, to be honest, understanding, compassionate, loving, and supportive, even as I ask these things of you. All this may the Gods grant us for as long as our love shall last I, _________, do ask you, _________, to be my partner in marriage. I ask that you accept my strengths and my faults as I promise to accept yours; I ask for your support and strength when mine own does fail me, as I promise my strength and support in your times of need. I bring you, with best intention, my love, my understanding, all that I have and all that I am. I, _________, do recognize in you, my love, the form of the God/dess, s/he who gives life; my perfect other half, the shining part of my spirit, holy and human and revered in every way. I promise to honour you, as human and holy, knowing all that I say and all that I do is said and done to the God/dess as well. (Partners walk clockwise to each direction and recite vows) Partner 1 (at the East): Here do I promise you communication, laughter, imagination, and hope. Partner 2: And all this do I promise you. Together: So mote it be. Partner 2 (at the South): Here do I promise you love, passion, desire, and warmth. Partner 1: And all this do I promise you. Together: So mote it be. Partner 1 (at the West): Here do I promise you healing, compassion, honesty, and understanding. Partner 2: And all this do I promise you. Together: So mote it be. Partner 2 (at the North): Here do I promise you stability, solidity, dependability, and strength. Partner 1: And all this do I promise you. Together: So mote it be. My loved one, I speak these words of promise to you. I vow, before the Gods and this company, to build with you a life and relationship that is healthy and loving. I promise you my honesty, my compassion, my hand in sharing the work. I promise to encourage your dreams and to listen to your worries. I promise to care for you in every way that I can. BLESSING OF THE RINGS By Air, by Fire, by Water, and by Earth do I bless and consecrate these rings. (The HP/S may present the rings to each direction/element). These rings, a token of your love for one another, serve as a reminder that all in life is a cycle; all comes to pass and passes away and comes to pass again. May the element of Air bless these rings. Air is at the beginning of all things,the direction of East, and the dawning of a new day. May your lives through the reminder of this ring be blessed with continuing renewal of love. (Waves rings through incense smoke) May the element of Fire bless these rings. Fire is the passion within your love, the spark of love itself, the heat of anger, and the warmth of compassion. It is the direction of South, the heat of midday. May your lives through the reminder of this ring be blessed with continual warmth. (Passes the rings through flame) May the element of Water bless these rings. Water nourishes and replenishes us, the waters of emotion and harmony pour vitality into our lives. It is the direction of West, the afternoon and evening. May your lives through the reminder of this ring be blessed with fulfillment and contentment. (Submerges the rings in water) May the element of Earth bless these rings. All life springs from the earth and returns to the earth, the direction of North, the nighttime. May your lives through the reminder of this ring be blessed with strength and solidity. (Touches the rings to earth or a stone) May the Lord and Lady bless these rings, the symbol of union, with happiness, wholeness, and love. I consecrate these rings with the element of Air, the breath of life. I consecrate these rings with the element of Fire for the warmth of love. I consecrate these rings with the element of Water to wash them clean. I consecrate these rings with the element of Earth for solidity and stability. Air for hopes and dreams; Fire for the spark of love; Water for harmony and healing; and Earth for strength. May these rings be so Blessed. EXCHANGE OF RINGS By the exchange of these tokens of your love for one another, so are your lives interlaced. What one experiences, so shall the other; as honesty and love build, so will your bond strengthen and grow. The Circle is a perfect figure, without beginning, without end, with no area of weakness. It is a symbol of the Cycle of Life, of birth, death, and rebirth. This shall serve as a physical reminder of your vow, and that all things begin and end and begin again, as the Gods so decree. These rings shall serve to remind you that life goes on, that these moments pass. When you are engulfed in anger or in sadness, look to your hand, and remember that the Wheel turns forever onward, and it is love that turns the Wheel. Partner 1: This ring I give to you is a symbol of our love, and of the promises I have spoken to you on this day. Partner 2: I shall wear this ring as a symbol of our love, being always mindful of the vows we have spoken on this day. (Vows may be repeated by the other partner) Onto each other’s hand you now place a ring, the circlet symbolizing the wheel of life that turns ever onward. There is a lesson in both the hand and the wedding ring. The ring is worn on the fourth finger; in numerology, the number 4 stands for steadiness and endurance. The circle itself is all-encompassing and inclusive. Your hand opens to receive and to give, clenches in frustration and anger, holds and soothes in times of sadness, and clutches in fear. With this hand are cities and sand castles made, music played and poetry written; into these hands is life given, and from these hands is it taken. All the actions of your hand move in sympathetic rhythm with the wheel of life and with your destiny. Pleasure, pain, creation, destruction, giving and receiving are all within the power of your hand. As the ring symbolizes the cycle, so does the hand symbolize the power of actualization and creation. Let this ring remind you of the many turns of the Wheel through which you and your love shall pass, and may everything that is touched by your hand be touched also by love. So Mote It Be. As you exchange your rings, the outward symbol of your commitment to one another, be reminded also of the Rede. That which you do effects the other. I charge you to be ever mindful of your actions and motives BINDING With a Handfasting cord: As this knot is tied, so are your lives now bound. Woven into this cord, imbued into its very fibers, are all the hopes of your friends and family, and of yourselves, for your new life together. With the fashioning of this knot do I tie all the desires, dreams, love, and happiness wished here in this place to your lives for as long as love shall last. In the joining of hands and the fashion of a knot, so are your lives now bound, one to another. By this cord you are thus bound to your vow. May this knot remain tied for as long as love shall last. May this cord draw your hands together in love, never to be used in anger. May the vows you have spoken never grow bitter in your mouths. As any child discovers when they are learning to tie their own shoes, the first move is to cross the ends. The cross creates the Rune Gebo (X), which is the Rune of partnership and union. As your hands are bound by this cord, so is your partnership held by the symbol of this knot. May it be granted that what is done before the gods be not undone by man. Two entwined in love, bound by commitment and fear, sadness and joy, by hardship and victory, anger and reconciliation, all of which brings strength to this union. Hold tight to one another through both good times and bad, and watch as your strength grows. By Water: As the water is poured and the two become one, the halves become invisible, indefinable, a true whole. Take up now your vessels which represent your own persons. The water within them is as your own lives, similar yet separate. In the mixing of these fluids in the singular vessel of your union are your lives thus blended. See how the two, once separate, are a complete whole. So now are your lives. Water to water, and soul to soul. Love binds and blends us all. By Flame: Let the fires of (y)our love for one another and the fire of (y)our spirits mingle here and create a singular flame. By the bringing and sharing of light, display your intent; let the two fires of your spirits and love for one another merge as one. Fires of passion and love, join here and become one, as do these people before you. Each of you take a candle representing your singular selves. Let them meet and unite here at the center. Now extinguish your singular lights, and rejoice in the enduring flame of your love. Take up and light the candles before you, representing your individual lives. Examine the flame, how it can warm, how it can energize, and how it can harm; fire is both creation and destruction. As you light the candle of your union, bring into it the fire of your love, the warmth of your compassion, and the spark of creativity. So Mote It Be. By Blood As the blood of your bodies joins and becomes one, so do your lives and spirits merge. At the times when you give and receive emotional injuries, recall here how your blood has mingled and how these small hurts may quickly heal with compassion and trust. Bound by love, bound in spirit, and by your lifes blood, I charge you to be always mindful of your vows. Flesh to flesh, essence to essence, water of life mingle here and join you as one. or My flesh to your flesh, my essence to your essence, water of life mingle here and join us as one. As the waters of the world are one, and the light of (y)our spirits burn with one flame, so is the essence of (y)our bodies joined here. As in the most ancient of rites, the giving of the essence of the self, the sacrifice of something vital, let these drops of blood be both given and received to strengthen the bond between you. BLESSINGS AND BENEDICTIONS May the Winds of communication blow ever between you; may the Fires of love sustain you; may the Waters of life heal and soothe you; and may the strength of the Earth bind and steady you throughout your time together. Lord and Lady, in Your sight have these people promised themselves to one another, made vows before You and these people. Bless them in their new life together. As the Air you breathe brings you life, may you always speak truthfully to one another. (For truly does each falsehood act as a little death). As the Fire of love burns within you, may you always find a spark even in your anger. (For without Love, we are but weak shadows upon the stones). As the Waters of life flow within your bodies, may your personal tides move in unison, and your emotions flow. (For Water contains life, sustains life, and without it we are but dry husks). As the Earth grounds and steadies you, may you always remain strong for one another. (For strength adds to strength and builds upon itself). All this do I charge you, for as long as Love shall last. (Section in parentheses may be spoken by the HP/S or by the partners) May the God and Goddess bless this union. May all who encounter it be blessed with love. May your lives be full and your hurts be few. So Mote It Be. By the grace of the Lord and Lady has your love, through Their love, brought you together upon this day. May the Gods sustain and strengthen your bond, bless you and keep you, for as long as love shall last. By the Winds that bring change, by the Fire of love, by the Seas of fortune and the strength of the Earth do I bless this union. CLOSING AND PRESENTATION You have witnessed the promises made by _________ and _________ one to another, and the exchange of the symbols of their union. They are now connected to experience together whatever life may bring them. You have made your vows, one to the other, before the Gods and this company, and exchanged tokens of your love. By the power of your love, I do pronounce you Husband and Wife. (Or whatever titles are wished). I am happy/honoured to present to you, (names). In the binding of yourselves have you created life anew. Step forth, therefore, into that new life, and rejoice in your love. Through the powers of Love, and the blessing of the Lord and Lady (or God and Goddess) do I now pronounce you Handfast! Blessed Be! Through the powers of Love between yourselves and this company, and the blessing of the Lord and Lady, do I now pronounce you Handfast! Blessed Be! SHARED MEAL (CAKES AND ALE) As the seed is to the soil, and the fuel is to the fire, so is the wand/blade to the chalice -- partners in growth and nourishment. May we, by the blessing of this food and drink, nourish all with our love. Lord and Lady, bless these cakes, that they may nourish our bodies and feed our souls. (Share cakes) Lord and Lady, bless this drink, that none may thirst within our sight. (Share drink) Let us always remember to share all that we have with those who have nothing. We give thanks to the planters of seeds, workers of the soil, and harvesters of grain for these cakes that we now share. Their efforts, through the grace of our Mother Earth, sustain us. May all be blessed by the sharing of their gifts. We give thanks to the workers of vines, harvesters of fruits, and makers of wine for this drink that we now share. Their efforts, through the grace of our Mother Earth, sustain us. May all be blessed by the sharing of their gifts. (For a non-alcoholic beverage, bless the appropriate ingredients and people involved). May you never hunger. (Share cakes). May you never thirst. (Share drink).

Jumping the Broom The practice of having couples "jump the broom" during wedding ceremonies is both an African American custom as well as a neo-pagan custom. In contrast to many West African traditions recognized and included in African American wedding ceremonies, the practice of "jumping the broom" is a wholly American addition that developed out of the institution of African slavery in the United States. Shortly after the introduction of slavery to the country, the right to legal marriage was taken away from the enslaved. Slaveholders considered the Africans property, and as property, they had no rights in the eyes of the law. The owners also feared that legal marriage and family bonds had the potential to lead to organization and revolt. Marriage rituals were important events to the Africans who came from numerous richly ceremonial cultures. When faced with the loss of the right to marry, many, ingrained with the significance of the marriage since childhood, created new rituals with what was on hand. Taking vows in the presence of a witness and then leaping over the handle of a broom became the common practice to create a recognized union. Incorporating "jumping the broom" into modern weddings is just one way African Americans today celebrate their cultural heritage. Neo-pagans have borrowed this simple practice from the African American community, and have incorporated it into their handfastings. Many pagans, as well as non-pagans, now associate "jumping the broom" with pagan handfastings. For pagans not of African American decent, including a broom in the ceremony is appropriate. The broom represents a threshold. The handfasted couple, although still individuals, begin a new life together. Jumping over the broom represents crossing this threshold into new territory, a life vitally connected to another's. The leap that the couple takes over the broom is also symbolic. Starting a new life with another person does require a "leap of faith". But by taking the leap, the individuals make a gesture of dedication to working together through the tough times ahead. Brooms are also symbols of the hearth, the center of the new family being created. The broom also holds other significance specific to Neo-pagan and Wiccan beliefs. More people are familiar with broom-jumping's use in African American wedding ceremony, than they are with pagans' use of this custom. An English custom was for the groom to hold the broom parallel to the floor on one side of the room where the reception was held, with the unmarried men at the other side of the room. Then, at a signal, the men raced across the room and the first one to grab the handle was to be the next one to marry. Alternately, some Pennsylvania German brides were tossed over the broom by unmarried women. In some cultures, it was thought that in order to bring prosperity to their home, the first things a new wife should bring into the couples abode was a broom and either a box of salt or a head of garlic. Another European folk belief stated that the groom's mother could divine what sort of woman her son's new wife was through the use of a broom. The groom's mother would arrive at the couples new home before they did, and would lay a broom across the threshold. If the bride picked up the broom before entering, she would be a good housekeeper; alternately, if she just stepped over it, she would be a lazy wife. (A similar belief states that if the bride didn't just step over the broom she was a witch. If she didn't pick up the broom, and immediately did step over it, she might be lazy, but at least she wasn't a witch!)

Wreath Ceremony An ivy wreath is being used as the base (introduced by a friend who will relate it to ivy's traditional meanings, including the marital connection). Various friends and family members will add sprigs of various plants/flowers with traditional meanings related to marriage... PERSON #1 (placing wreath on altar): This wreath symbolizes the marriage that _________ and _________ are celebrating here today. We, their friends and their family, will create a visual symbol of their vows... A wreath that will decorate their home, as love decorates their lives. This wreath will let them remember the love shared by all of us here today. PERSON #2: The wreath has been created from ivy, a traditional symbol of Matrimony and Friendship. The circular shape of the wreath mirrors the rings that _________ and _________ have exchanged and symbolizes the never ending devotion that they pledge each other on this day. Ivy does not "feed upon" the tree or stone it clings to, and this is important to its symbolism. Nothing can separate ivy from a tree it has once embraced, and if the tree falls the ivy stays around it. But the ivy is held to the soil by its own roots. It gets nothing from the substance of the companion, and though it dies on the same spot, it dies in its own time, making its own independent gesture. Today _________and _________ have cemented the bond that they share but they have not ceased to grow as individuals. PERSON #3: These are branches of larkspur, a traditional symbol of humor and levity, and dock, a symbol of patience. These are added with a wish that _________ and _________ never lose the patience and humor which help to sustain their relationship through even the roughest times and which enrich their daily life. PERSON #4: This rosemary symbolizes remembrance. I add this to the wreath with the wish that _________and _________ never allow each other to forget the way that they feel today, and that they will always recall the romance and passion that they felt on the day of their meeting. This tarragon symbolizes the unselfish regard with which they should treat one another, today and always. PERSON #5: I add violets and snowdrops which symbolize faithfulness and hope. _________ and _________ will need these traits throughout their lives together. Their faith and trust in one another will be strengthened as time goes on. Without hope, there is no chance of success. With hope they will realize that they can achieve every goal. PERSON #6: These roses symbolize the passion (hold up red roses before adding to wreath), the beauty (hold up burgundy roses) and unity (hold up red & white roses) that _________ and _________ feel today. May they always take the time to find the beauty around them, the passion within them, and to feel strength that their unity provides them. May they always recall and honor their vows made this day.

Blessing of the Hands If desired, this can be inserted before the binding of the hands in the ritual, or anywhere else you see fit. Priestess: (Bride), please face (Groom), and hold his hands, palms up, so you may see the gift that they are to you. (Bride and Groom should be facing each other, his upturned hands resting in hers.) These are the hands, young and strong and vibrant with love, that are holding yours on your wedding day, as he promises to love you all the days of his life. These are the hands you will place with expectant joy against your stomach, until he too, feels his child stir within your womb. These are the hands that look so large and clumsy, yet will be so gentle as he holds your baby for the first time. These are the hands that will passionately love you and cherish you through the years, for a lifetime of happiness. These are the hands that will countless times wipe the tears from your eyes: tears of sorrow and tears of joy. These are the hands that will comfort you in illness, and hold you when fear or grief rack your mind. These are the hands that will tenderly lift your chin and brush your cheek as they raise your face to look into his eyes: eyes that are filled completely with his love and desire for you. Priest: (Groom), please hold (Bride)'s hands, palms up, where you may see the gift that they are to you. (Bride should now place her upturned hands in the Groom's hands.) These are the hands that are smooth, young, and carefree, that are holding yours on your wedding day, as she pledges her love and commitment to you all the days of her life. These are the hands that will hold each child in tender love, soothing them through illness and hurts, supporting and encouraging them along the way, and knowing when it's time to let go. These are the hands that will massage tension from your neck and back in the evenings, after you've both had a long hard day. These are the hands that will hold you tight as you struggle through difficult times. They are the hands that will comfort you when you are sick or console you when you are grieving. These are the hands that will passionately love you and cherish you through the years, for a lifetime of happiness. These are the hands that will hold you in joy and excitement and hope. These are the hands that will give you support as she encourages you to chase down your dreams. Together, everything you wish for can be realized. Priest and/or Priestess: Lovely Goddess, bless the hands that you see before you this day. May they always be held by one another. Give them the strength to hold on during the storms of stress and the dark of disillusionment. Keep them tender and gentle as they nurture each other in their love. Help these hands to continue building a relationship founded in your grace, rich in caring, and devoted to reaching for your perfection. May (Bride) and (Groom) see their four hands as healer, protector, shelter, and guide.

Rose Ceremony In the Rose Ceremony, the Bride and Groom give each other a Rose. Two roses are all that is necessary. The Rose Ceremony is placed at the end of the ceremony just before or after being pronounced husband and wife... Officiant (or other designated speaker): The rose is a symbol of love and a single rose always meant only one thing - it meant the words "I love you." So it is appropriate that for your first gift - as husband and wife - that gift would be a single rose. Please exchange your first gift as husband and wife. In some ways it seems like you have not done anything at all. Just a moment ago you were holding one small rose - and now you are holding one small rose. In some ways, a marriage ceremony is like this. In some ways, tomorrow is going to seem no different than yesterday. But in fact today, just now, you both have given and received one of the most valuable and precious gifts of life - one I hope you always remember - the gift of true and abiding love. _________ and _____________, I would ask that where ever you make your home in the future - whether it be a large and elegant home - or a small and graceful one - that you both pick one very special location for roses; so that on each anniversary of this truly wonderful occasion you both may take a rose to that spot both as a re-commitment to your marriage - and a re-commitment that THIS will be a marriage based upon love. In every marriage there are times where it is difficult to find the right words. It is easiest to hurt who we most love. It is easiest to be most hurt by who we most love. It might be difficult some time to words to say "I am sorry" or "I forgive you"; "I need you" or "I am hurting". If this should happen, if you simply can not find these words, leave a rose at that spot which both of you have selected - for that rose than says what matters most of all and should overpower all other things and all other words. That rose says the words: "I still love you." The other should accept this rose for the words which can not be found, and remember the love and hope that you both share today. __________ and ________, if there is anything you remember of this marriage ceremony, it is that it was love that brought you here today, it is only love which can make it a glorious union, and it is by love which your marriage shall endure.

Traditional Handfasting Time: Best performed at the time of the new moon. Setting: Bedeck the ritual area in flowers of many types, particularly the favorites of the couple, and roses. The altar should be arranged as usual, plus 2 white candles, incense of a flower scent, and a willow wand. Dress is up to the couple. Celtic tradition is that the bride where's some kind of veil or netting and an article of scarlet. The couple should bring wedding rings and small symbolic gifts for each other if desired. The priest/ess fits the rings over the willow wand, then lay them on the altar.. After lighting the candles and incense, the priest and priestess face the gathering, backs toward the altar. Priest: May the place of this rite be consecrated for the Gods. For we gather here in a ritual of love With two who would be wedded. _______ and _______ please come forward and stand here before us, and before the gods of nature. The couple comes forward and stands before the Priest and Priestess, groom in front of Priestess, bride in front of Priest. Priestess: Be with us here, O beings of the Air With your clever fingers Tie closely the bonds between these two. Be with us here, O beings of Fire Give their love and passion your own all-consuming ardor Be with us here, O beings of Water Give them the deepest of love and the richness of the body, of the soul and of the spirit. Be with us here, O beings of Earth Let your strength and constancy Be theirs for so long as they desire to remain together Blessed Goddess and Laughing God Give to these before you, we do ask your love and protection Blessed Be. All: Blessed Be. Priestess and Priest hold up the wand between them with the rings upon it. Priestess: Place your right hands over this wand and your rings his hand over hers Above you are the stars below you are the stones as time does pass Remember Like a star should our love be constant Like a stone should your love be firm Be close, but not too close Posses one another, but be understanding Have patience each with the other For storms will come, but they will go quickly Be free in the giving of affection and warmth Make love often, and be sensuous with one another Have no fear and let not the ways or words of the unenlightened give you unease For the Goddess and the God are with you, Now and Always. (Pause for five heartbeats) Priestess: Is it your wish, _bride's name_ to become one with this man? (bride gives her answer) Is it your wish, _groom's name_ to become one with this woman? (groom gives his answer) Do any say nay? Then, as the Goddess and the God and the Old Ones Are witness to this rite I now proclaim you husband and wife. A kiss is appropriate at this time, and the tokens may be exchanged. The ceremony is then over and the cakes and wine on the altar should be served at the revel that follows. This from A Book of Pagan Rituals by Herman Slater, Editor, 1978, Samuel Weiser Inc. NY, NY.

FLOWERS FOR A PERIOD WEDDING Plants and flowers have been used to decorate weddings since at least the time of the ancient Greeks. In many ancient cultures, the Greeks included, paid homage to the gifts of nature by incorporating them into all of their celebrations. Brides from the earliest records wore a crown of flowers upon her head. This circlet of flowers is seen in cultures from all over the world have been a part of wedding attire since weddings have been celebrated. With the advent of the British Navy bringing treasures to honor Queen Elizabeth more then gold and coffee reached England. This was the dawning of the plant hunters. With each ship that entered the British ports new plants were introduced to the English. Ever since the countryside became a place of relative peace and people no longer needed to live within protective town walls gardens grew. Life was still hard, by modern standards, but the pleasure garden came into its own during this period. Landowners set aside areas simply to plant for beauty and pleasure. This timed well with the influx of plant materials. Weddings bore witness to this new trend in gardening, as nosegays were being made up with roses, dianthus, foxgloves, and even daffodils. Even as late as the sixteenth century the word herb referred to all of the plants in the garden. What we now call herbs were planted in among all the other plants in a garden and were used similarly. We must keep in mind that flowers as well as what we now refer to as herbs were used in cooking, medicines as well as decorations. In period the bridesmaids would take care of all the floral decorations, they would make the bouquets and garlands as well as making little posies for each of the guests. This is probably not practical for a modern wedding. But many brides choose to have some hand in making their own flower arrangements. If this idea appeals to you I suggest you make some practice arrangements in advance to determine how many flowers you will need and how long it will take you. Keep in mind that you will have a lot of other things to take care of at the last minute, and you don't want to stay up all night arranging flowers the night before your wedding. The fashion during Elizabethan England was to strew fresh rushes and herbs on the floors to sweeten the atmosphere. They also made it a common practice to prepare potpourri, to freshen the air. For special occasions, like weddings, they would be sure to include special herbs and flowers in the strewing herbs. Gardens in Elizabethan England were used in a variety of ways. They were a source of food, and medicines, as well as a trysting place for lovers, they supplied flowers and herbs for nosegays and decorations as well as strewing herbs for the floors, and there were many a banquet served in a formal garden. Queen Elizabeth had a Maid of Honor on a fixed salary, whose job it was to keep the queen supplied with fresh flowers and nosegays. The office of "Herb Strewer to the Queen" was kept in place until as late as 1713. Fresh flowers and herbs were a major component in masking the odors of every day life as well as brightening up a room visually. Dr. Liminus, a Dutch traveler, wrote of his stay in England 1560: "Their chambers and parlours strawed over with sweet herbs refreshed the mee; their nosegays finely intermingled with sundry sorts of fragraunte flowers, in their bed-chambers and privy rooms, with comfortable smell cheered me up, and entirely delighted all my senses." He went on in a comparison of England to Holland ­ "Altho we do trimme up our parlours with green boughs, fresh herbes or vine leaves, no nation does it more decently, more trimly, none more sightly then they doe in England." Bouquets, Nosegays & Tussie Mussies The tradition of bridal bouquets dates back to before the Crusades. The Saracens brides carried sprigs of orange blossom. The orange blossom has long been a symbol of eternal love and fidelity, as well as a symbol of fertility. The orange is evergreen and produces both fruit and flowers at the same time. Some of the Crusaders brought this tradition with them when they returned home. But as orange trees did not like the climate in England the flowers were chosen from what was more readily available. Though some wealthy brides would have had access to orange blossoms even in England. One choice for medieval brides was a small bouquet of gilded marigolds that were dipped in rosewater. The marigolds were thought to have aphrodisiac qualities and were sometimes eaten after the ceremony. Remember they did not have professional floral designers in period. The flowers were done by loving but possibly not skilled hands. They would have been gathered from the garden and local fields. The bouquets should be kept simple, with herbs and simple old fashioned or wild looking flowers. Tie them with ribbons that match your gown and maybe even bind a poem in with the flowers. Nosegays were the first step towards formal bouquets. Prior to the Middle Ages a bride might have carried a loosely gathered bunch of herbs or wild flowers. During the Middle Ages this clutch of loose flowers became a small but more formal round posey of herbs and cultivated flowers. These were often chosen for meanings, but most frequently for their scent. The word nosegay comes from a Middle English word that meant "something pretty for the nose to smell." The bride's bouquet was usually given to her, by her mother, and there was great significance in the choice of flowers and the arrangement. Some bride's bouquets had love knots hanging from them. Sometimes there would be dozens of them, with small flowers or buds tucked into the knot. Other brides chose to have three knots, on to represent herself, one for her groom and one for future children. If a bride was wealthy enough to own a prayer book she might have carried that in place of any flowers. If you are not interested in carrying flowers and are not religious then you could consider carrying a small book of poems or a small elegant journal with your vows written inside. This journal could also be used for your attendants to write you personal messages or remembrances of your special day. Hair wreaths There are several options that would have been used by a Medieval or Renaissance bride. One of the most prevalent garlands was made of rosemary and roses. Anne of Cleves in her wedding to Henry VIII in 1540 wore a gold coronet encircled with sprigs of rosemary. There are period references to brides carrying the garland until after the ceremony then the garland was placed on her head for the celebration. Corsages/posies Corsages would not have been worn. However in period everyone carried a posy or had scented flowers or herbs on their person, sometimes they were pinned onto or sewn into their clothes. One option for the people you would ordinarily give a corsage to in a modern wedding is a small posy or a tussie mussie. It should be made with herbs as well as flowers, maybe decorated with ribbons. Bride's favors (in lieu of boutonnieres) You may want to have ribbons that match the colors of your gown or the maid's gowns given to the men. They could be tied around their arms or pinned on to their costumes as you might pin a boutonniere. If you really want to have boutonnieres you can create small posies like miniature versions of the Bridesmaids posies and pin them to the men's attire. It was not uncommon for men to wear small posies made of fragrant herbs about their persons to mask the smells common to every day life in the period. Ceremony site There would not have been flowers on the alter, however a garland of greens and symbolic flowers and herbs might frame the door or even decking the ceremony site. If your site allows flowers to be tossed by the flower girl you could include fragrant herbs to her basket. Rosemary was one of the most popular strewing herbs for period weddings because of its association with remembrance and friendships. Mint and rosemary were both popular strewing herbs and were often used in weddings. The rosemary symbolized constancy and friendship, the mint was thought to refresh the brain and make one more alert, and improve the memory. In the Middle ages mint was dedicated to the Virgin Mary. Reception site Feel free to garland everything with greens. It was not uncommon to have garlands of herbs; berries and greens hung for Christmas and other holidays and weddings would not have been left out in the desire to make a space more festive. Suggested greens for garlands that are in period would be boxwood, ivy or laurel. Wheat and grains played a major role in period weddings as a symbol of fertility and in reference to prosperity. As a centerpiece or general decoration that is a direct tie to the Middle Ages you could have a sheaf of wheat bound with ivy standing on a table or buffet. Centerpieces The elaborate centerpieces we have come to expect at a modern wedding would be out of place in period. Though as far as I can tell, according to paintings and manuscript illuminations the flowers were not generally placed on the tables. I have read descriptions of banquets that the master required servants to place fragrant flowers and fragrant waters around the room on any other flat surface. As to how they would look, they would most likely have simple vessels that held water and the herbs & flowers gathered from the garden and nearby fields. You can use pitchers or simple vases. Try to avoid arrangements that obviously make use of floral foam, as that is truly a modern invention. You can use fruit; however try to keep in mind that most European especially northern countries would not have access to summer fruits in the winter. We can get just about any kind of fruit at any time of year but they could not air freight fruit and did not have the level of hybridization we have now that gives us such variety. You can make a pyramid of fruit on a platter, a wreath, or in a bowl or compote if they look authentic to the period. If you are having long tables or would like to consider small arrangements for each place setting you could core apples or a large green pears and fill with tiny herbs & flowers. These are decorative smell great, without overpowering, and if you choose edible flowers they can be eaten. Decorated napkins. If you are using cloth napkins & napkin rings or have the napkins folded in an appropriate fashion you could tuck a tiny nosegay of herbs & flowers into the fold/ring. Instead of traditional napkin rings you could make up slips of paper with the symbolism of the herbs & flowers you have chosen for their posies and tape/glue them into rings for the napkins to be rolled into. Kissing Knot A popular decoration at Elizabethan weddings was the kissing knot. The bride and groom would be seated under knots of ribbons with sprigs of herbs tucked into them. An alternative is a wreath of herbs (primarily rosemary) decorated with ribbons suspended above the heads of the bridal couple.

The History of Handfasting Handfasting at one time was the only way that couples could be engaged and/or get married because the church let the civil government of the period take care of these matters. In the British Isles, Handfasting was the old pagan ritual of marriage and it remained legal in Scotland all the way up to 1939, even after Lord Harwicke’s Act of 1753 declaring that marriages in England were legal only if performed by a clergyman. After Lord Harwicke’s Act, the Scottish border town, Gretna Green became a mecca for eloping couples from England who fled there to perform their own Handfastings. In those times, the couple themselves performed the Handfasting before witnesses. It was also used in Scotland for the engagement period of a year and a day before a wedding was proved. The very word handfasting got it's origin in the wedding custom of tying the bride and groom's hands (actually, wrists) together. In some versions, this is only done for as long as the ceremony lasts, but in others, the cord is not untied until the marriage is physically consummated. Handfasting is the marriage rite used toady by many Heathens, neo-Pagans and Wiccans. The term itself comes from the custom of shaking hands over a contract. It is a custom steeped in old tradition. In most Pagan traditions today it may mean a non-state registered wedding or one in which a marriage license is filed. For some it is a year and a day, renewable "so long as love shall last" and for others a commitment to be together through many lives. There are probably as many rituals for this as there are people who have joined themselves together. The hands are generally bound with a cord as part of the ritual. One custom is that while facing each other, the couple placed their right hands together and then their left hands together to form an infinity symbol while a cord is tied around their hands in a knot. Another custom is that the man and woman place their right hands only together while a cord is used to tie a knot around their wrists. The ritual itself might have been led by a respected non-church affiliate such as a Chieftain, Leader, Priest, Priestess, Shaman, or Elder of the community while the couple took turns reciting their vows of promise to be engaged for a year and a day in front of witnesses. On the last day of “the year and a day promise” they would then make a promise for infinity repeating their promise to each again. A cord is tied in a knot around their hand while the ritual takes place. This is where the term “tie the knot came from” when referring to getting engaged or married today. In day of old, records were not kept who got engaged, married, had kids, and died. Today the Sacraments of the church has the responsibility of taking care of these things. Before the church took over these duties, these things were overseen by the whole community and therefore were set in law by their witnessing what happened between the couple making the promise. If a handfasting was performed with the two left hands together without the tying of the knot, as was the custom of rich and influential German nobility, it meant that the woman was a mistress and would not be able to claim the name, inheritance, property, etc. of the real wife and was only in the protection of the man. But her offspring would be taken care of as legal heirs second in line to the man's legal and first wife. Having lots of children was once the only form of "Social Security" in one's old age. The previous combinations were all considered legal and binding in an engagement or marriage except for the “left hand ritual.” The Handfasting gesture seems to have been derived from one of the ancient Indo-European images of male-female conjunction, the infinity sign, whose twin circles represented the sun (female) and the moon (male) or in some of the southern Mediterranean traditions it was sun (male) and moon (female). Two-handed Handfasting still constituted a fully legal marriage throughout Europe whether the blessing of the church was sought or not. Clergymen, of course, recommended that newlyweds attend church as soon as possible after the signing of the contract and the Handfasting. Marriage is now one the Seven Sacraments that had been ignored by the church for centuries. Only the very wealthy and affluent could afford church marriages. Handfastings were under the jurisdiction of common law rather than canon law. In the 16th century in Switzerland, if couples were seen in public drinking together they could be considered married. Copyright Reverend Helen J. Carol Thompson E-mail address: earthdancing@bellsouth.net Homepage URL: http://www.earth-dancing.com/