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Jodi's blog: "growing up me"

created on 01/22/2007  |  http://fubar.com/growing-up-me/b47553
I slept in my car that night, till about 4 am. Then I went to Ricks to see if I could stay with him. He let me in and allowed me to stay at his house. We had been intimate several times by then so sex with him wasn't a new issue. Tonight however would be different. He wanted to have anal sex with me. I had tried it before with another guy and it hurt so I was very hesitant. He promised that if it hurt he would stop and never ask me to do it again. He was very slow and gentle so it did not hurt at all. This wasn't an invitation that was supposed to last more than one night so the next night I slept in my car in a laundramat parking lot. It got so cold I again went down the street to Ricks house. He again allowed me to come in. I moved in that next day. I guess that I was cramping his style after a while because while I was at my mothers doing his and my laundry, he had another set of girls over. When I got home from doing 8 loads of laundry he informed me that he had slept with another female. I should have packed my bags right then and there and went home, but I didn't. I stayed and cried all night that night and the next day. It didn't seem to matter to him that I was hurting so bad, but I let him walk all over me anyway. After about 6 months of dating we decided to get married. First he had to get a new job. He had a habit of getting too mouthy with his bosses and either getting fired or quitting without having another job. He moved to Texarkana Texas with a buddy and his wife. His buddy had a job waiting there for him when he got there. Meanwhile I stayed in his house. I was to wait till he could afford to come and get me. We got into arguement after arguement while he was away. I was told by his buddy that he was having an affair while there. I decided that what was good for the goose was good for the gandor. I shortly thereafter cancelled our engagement and had a one night stand with the brother of his buddy. At the time I justified my actions because of what he did, but no matter what it wasn't right. His buddy's brother was married to a really nice lady that I considered my friend and I had just betrayed her. I felt like dirt. I thought about it for about a month. Rick and I were still talking and I still lived in his house. He came to Indiana to get me. I stayed there in Texas for about 3 months before I once again called a stop to the wedding. I got tired of his flirting with other women and I had an unnatural beef against pornography. I found several playboys in his belongings that he had hidden from me and I was done. Before I could get a ride back to Indiana I had an affair with his buddy. He too, was married. Again I felt like shit. I didn't feel like I was cheating because Rick and I were done in my eyes, but his buddy and his wife were 100% married and I violated that. These people let me and Rick stay in their house and I betrayed her. Rick and I again talked about things and he talked me into going ahead with the marriage plans. He came back to Indiana in June to have a quick wedding. Four hours before the "I do's" we were fighting again. I knew then that I didn't really love this man, let alone marry him. I married him anyway thinking that after my mother had went through so much to help me get ready for this wedding, she didn't deserve for me to call it all off. We got married June 13 th of '87. We left for Texas within a week after the wedding. He had a place rented for us to stay so I didn't have to face what I did. The couple that we lived with continued their marriage without grief because I nor he ever told Rick or his wife about the betrayal. We moved from Texarkana Texas to the Arkansas side of Texarkana. I worked for a steak place at first, but it didn't last long. I then found a job at a gas station/convenience store. I was comfortable in this job because I had been around these types of stores since I was 12. Mom and dad both worked for these kind of stores and I was always around helping out. Rick got to where he was very abusive. He would get so mad that he would throw me around the house. He also stopped being gentle with anal sex. He started taking it whenever he wanted it. It didn't matter to him that he hurt me. He threw me so hard one day that I landed on the corner of the night stand and ended up with a knot 3"x2"x1". I left him shortly after this. I didn't go home because I knew he would find me. I went to my old bosses apartment to hide. I was scared that if he found me he would hurt me again. This boss understood what kind of man Rick was not only because of what I told him about Rick but because of what he saw for himself. He knew that the reason I got thrown into that night stand was because I had a lie detector test set up at McDonalds that day to be able to be a manager. Rick kept argueing with me, refusing to let me go. He accused me of having an affair with all the males at my job. He kept it up till I had missed the appointment. McDonalds wouldn't let me reschedule the lie detector test because it had already cost them $75.oo even though I hadn't shown up. I got really pissed at Rick for his bullshit, and I yelled at him. This is what caused him to throw me. My old boss was on the phone with me when I had to cancel and again when I tried to reschedule. He had heard Rick going ape shit on me. Rick showed up at my bosses place looking for me. I was so scared that I hid in my bosses closet in fetal position. I stayed at my bosses place for a week. After my boss talked Rick into leaving things calmed down for me. I was able to be myself for the most part. Ron (my boss) was really sweet to me. He didn't try anything with me at first. He got up and went to work without even waking me up. On Saturday all but one of his employees didn't show up for work. I then had the opportunity to work again. I went in and found myself really enjoying myself. I right then was made crew leader. This was a big step for me. When the others meandered in, I was the one to assign where everyone was to go. It felt so good to be working and not being called names for succeeding. I wasn't a whore or a slut this day. I was important! We found out later that day the reason 2 of his employees didn't show up was because they were almost shot. They were walking by a picture window when someone attempted a drive by shooting. Luckily they missed! The only thing that was hit was the picture window. Later that same day I saw the most unusual car I had ever seen. It looked like a small airplane. It was a 2 seater but one seat was behind the other seat. The top opened just like a jet you see on tv. It had one front wheel and 2 back wheels. We were told it was a prototype. There were only a few of them made. It could run 75 miles on one tank of gas. I had a blast this day. When Ron and I went back to his place things started happening between us. I didn't think, again, that I was cheating since I had been so abused and felt that Rick and I were finished. At first I didn't tell mom where I was that way when Rick asked, she didn't have to lie to him. Mom hated lying and I didn't want to make her do it. She would tell me about all of Ricks phone calls. She'd say,"Rick called again. He told me to tell you that if you would give him another chance he would never touch you in a bad way ever again. He even promised to not get onto you about not doing the dishes or any of the housework. He said he would do it all if you would just come home." She said she told him," I told him not to make promises that he could not keep. He swore to me that you meant the world to him and he just knew he could keep all of his promises if you would just come home and give him another chance." then went back to Indiana again. Rick quit his job as a manager of Wendy's to chase me. He had been talking to my mom making all kinds of promises to do right by me. I fell for his lies and went back to him. His true colors didn't take long to resurface. He was without a job and living off of my job and his dads help. I didn't want to use his dad like this because his dad was on a fixed income but Rick said his dad owed him for not being there when he was a kid. His dad was an alcoholic when he was a kid and young adult, but had straightened up his life. Rick never forgave his father for the past, but Rick himself was an alcoholic. He not only drank but he smoked pot also. I had stopped smoking pot till I hooked up with Rick. It was something that when alone, I wasn't into. MORE TO COME AS I GET IT WRITTEN......should I continue?
We went to Tampa General Hospital because we thought it would be cheaper. In the ER they told me that I needed a D&C. I asked them if it was gonna hurt. I was told that it hurt like severe cramps. I told them that I couldn't handle pain. The nurse got real shitty with me and said, "You can't handle pain and yet you were going to have a baby?" I told the nurse that I could handle pain to have a baby but couldn't handle the pain to lose one. She then told me that because I had a low grade temperature I couldn't have it done right then and there. I would have to be admitted. I was in a room with 3 other women. 2 rooms full of women shared one bathroom. We had no tv unless we paid for it separately. We found out that it cost 155.oo a day there. It was good friday when I received a D&C. The only thing I remember about the proceedure was that as I was going under my door was agape and people in the hallway could see me. There were 4 different people in my room when I went under. I had no idea who performed my surgery. I was released the following Monday. When I got home I lost a 2" piece of tissue out of my body. I was terrified! I called the hospital to talk to the doctor that was listed on my ID band. They got me in touch with that doctor I had asked for. He told me, "I wasn't the doctor that preformed your surgery because I was on Easter vacation last weekend, but I can tell you what that is." He told me that with any D&C some of the tissue has to come out on its own, and that is what had passed from my body. We lived in Tampa for an entire 6 months before we realized that we had gotten in over our heads and came back to Indiana. I learned later that this was an illegal unathorized abortion that had been performed, but I found out much too late to do anything about it. Once back in Indiana I got pregnant again. I didn't have a diagnosis but just knew that I was pregnant when I missed my period. This time I was 2 1/2 months pregnant. When I got to the hospital the doctor confirmed my pregnancy. He told me, "Your right!" I said, " I am pregnant?" I was told then, "Not anymore." That is when I found out for sure that I had lost my second baby. Almost 2 years into our marriage my mother had gotten real ill and needed me to help her. I left Kokomo and went to stay with her for 3 weeks. As she was getting better our GED ceremonies were due to take place in Muncie. I was going to go home to my husband but since the ceremony was to happen where I already was, it made no sense to Kokomo on Monday then come back on Thursday. I told Sonny that I would come home after the ceremony. He called on Wednesday to profess his undying love for me but when Thursday came he seemed to avoid me. He didn't want to be around me, let alone hug me or hold my hand. When we left to go home, he didn't even ride with me. He rode in the car with his mother. I followed behind him in my fathers van. I saw that he had several things packed in the back of his moms station wagon. Once we arrived at my moms house Sonny took me into the bathroom to talk to me. Sonny laid a bombshell on me. He told me that he no longer wanted to be married to me but he still loved me. I had no idea how to face this. I truely loved this man with all of my heart. I had no idea what to do. I found out that he had filed for divorce the previous Monday, before he called begging me to come home, professing his love for me, on Wednesday. Our final divorce was to be July 21st. 2 years, 2 weeks, and 2 days after we married. In between the preliminary hearing and the final hearing I lost our 3rd baby. I wasn't told exactly why I had lost all these babies but I thought (and still think) that it was because of what Tampa General Hospital did to me. I eventually was able to move on even though I never stopped loving Sonny. I decided that I was going to play the field and not get serious with anyone ever again. My friend Sherri and I had a contest to see who could love 'em and leave 'em the most. In 6 months we tied. We had both had 14 partners in very short time. This all came to an end when Sherri and I each had a man at my trailer. We each were in our own rooms when it got real cold inside. It was winter time and my furnace cracked. It was a fuel oil furnace so black soot shot up all through the trailer when it was on. I turned on my stove top and oven to heat the house. Sherri and I slept in the living room after our sex sessions were over and our guys had fallen asleep. It was hilarious to watch my guy come from the back bedroom wrapped in a blanket to turn the heat up again. We would watch him, laugh and turn it right back off once he was out of sight. I had to move out right after this happened due to the carbon monoxide that was also being shot out of the cracked block. I moved back home after this all happened. I used to go down to the local bowling alley down from moms house. There was a video arcade there. I met a few guys that I dated but nothing serious ever became of any of them. Not till I met Rick. He was 6'2" and weighed about 240 pounds. He treated me like I mattered and I fell hook line and sinker. He told me he was 25 yrs old. That was 5 years older than me, but I didn't mind. I would go spend all my free time with him. Mom would get mad at me for staying out all hours of the night. She told me that if I stayed out all night again I would be kicked out of her house. I came home at 3 am one night to find mom waiting at the kitchen entrance with both hands on her hips. Needless to say, she was pissed! She stated very harshly, "What did I tell you about staying out all night?" I told her that I didn't stay out all night. She then asked me what I thought all night was because it was now 3 am. I told her that I thought all night was when the sun came up. She didn't like my smartass answer. She told me, "Just one more time, that is all it is going to take." I went to Ricks again and partied with him till after 2 in the morning. Since mom told me that I would get kicked out if I stayed out past curfew one more time, I didn't go home. My curfew was 11 on every night except for Saturday. Saturdays I could stay out till 1 am. PART 8 COMING UP NEXT.......
At 14 I had become somewhat rebelious. That combined with my suicide attempt caused my parents to get me involved with this program for juveniles. I was to go camping in Minnisota for a 10 day canoe trip with the local intake center and be assigned a big sister in the big sister/big brother program when I got back. The big sister program ended up being a very positive thing in my life. It gave me a place to go and someone to talk to when life seemed so unfair. When I was 15 I dated a guy that I thought I was in love with. He was 17. He had baby fine blonde hair and amazing blue eyes. He was an artist. He used to write me letters with all kinds of graffics. I was impressed. I started getting high because he did and I wanted to share his interests with him. He had moved to our school from a country school. He had broken up with his girlfriend when he moved because he thought they would never see each other again. To my bad luck, that didn't happen. He had ran back into his ex and realized that it was her, not me, that he wanted. He therefore, broke up with me. I was so shattered that I wrote him a letter telling him that if he came back to me I would give him the greatest gift I had to give.....my virginity. Boy was I deflated when not only did he not want my gift but he gave my letter to his girlfriend. She called me and confronted me about my very personal letter. She, not he, is the one that set me straight about who he would and would not be with. I again tried to kill myself. This time I took 19 midols. I did this during school because I wanted him to know the pain he had put me through. I wanted him to know it was his fault. I didn't go to my classes because he wasn't in any of them. I, instead, spent the beginning of the day in the nurses office. I had the nurse call my mom at work and get permission for me to leave school and come over to where she worked. It was right down from the school. I walked to the convenience store where mom was. I was a crying mess. Mom was busy but payed attention to me nontheless. She noticed that I was getting real pale and with the crying she asked me what was wrong. I broke down and told my mom what I had done. She freaked like any mother would. She called the poison control hotline to find out what to do for me. Then she had me go to the restroom and make myself sick. When she asked me why I did it I couldn't tell her it was just over a boy. Which in hindsight, it was a combination of disappointments and heartaches that got me to this point again. I told her that it was because of what my dad had done to me. Mom took me to the hospital to be examined, called my dad and had him meet us there. She confronted dad while at the hospital. He denied everything. They broke up not because she wanted to, but because he said he was tired of us girls telling lies on him. He moved into a small apartment just across from where he worked at the time. It wasn't very long before he moved back in with us. My sister and I confronted him while he and mom laid in bed together. He asked us what we wanted from him. Simultaneously we both said,"Admit it! Just admit it!" He responded with, "What do you think I'm doing by talking about it?" We thought that surely mom would realize that he had just confessed, but she didn't. I don't know if she didn't catch it or if she did and was just denying to herself that her man could have violated her daughters like this. Life continued as before but with one difference. Dad did stop fondling us girls. As far as we knew Terri was now safe. We moved to Muncie shortly thereafter but dad stayed in that same appartment since he got a job at the local factory. He would come down on weekends to be with mom. When I was 16 I met this very good looking guy that I fell in love with. Oh I had had boyfriends before but none that compared to this guy. He had curly hair (so curly that when picked out it looked like a 6" afro, and he was/is a white guy), blue eyes, and a very athletic body. We met at the local skating rink. It didn't take long for me to realize that I truely loved him with all my heart. We met around July or August and had kissed and fondled each other several times but he didn't 'get' me till we had dated for 6 months or better. I lost my virginity on his 17th birthday. He turned 17 one and a half months after I turned 17. His birthday was in February. On July 5th we were to be married. Sonny and I had decided to work our best to try to get money saved so we could start our lives out without being broke, but whenever I did find employment I ran into sexual harrassment. I worked for a donut shop, but got molested so I quit my job. I then worked for a company that sold ice cream on those bicycles. My boss wanted me to stay in the office and screw him instead of riding my bike. So I quit that job also. Sonny thought I was lazy because I kept quitting jobs. I didn't tell him about the sexual harrassment that caused me to quit my jobs. I was afraid he would come to Muncie and hurt someone. Then I wouldn't have him with me, he would be in jail. Dad would bring Sonny to Muncie every weekend with him when dad would come to see mom. One week before our wedding date Sonny wasn't available for dad to pick up. I was heart broke but heard from him the next day. He was very apologetic for missing his ride. He paid his mom to bring him to Muncie to see me. The very next week we were married. My mother couldn't be at my wedding because the night before the wedding Sunset had went into labor. We spent most of the beginning of our married life living with each others parents. We occasionally had our own place but it never lasted long. We had the opportunity to move to Florida with a friend (Mark). When we got there Mark already had a job lined up so he worked while we searched for jobs ourself. We all 3 shared the 2 bedroom apartment. Sonny found work right away but it was harder for me. I had went job hunting several times. I finally found a job, but just in time to find out that I was pregnant. We worked with only the potatoes to eat. In anticipation we waited for Mark to come home the day he got his first check. When he left for work that day we had only 3 small potatoes for me and Sonny to eat all day. Sonny gave me 2 of them since I was pregnant. Mark didn't come home right after work. He had decided to go party for a while first. By the time we discovered his whereabouts we were starved. Mark gave Sonny $20 so we could get something to eat finally. Eventually I met someone else that allowed us to live with them so now we could eat. Sonny helped pay the bills and I helped take care of my new friend. She had just had surgery and needed a companion. One day upon awakening I discovered that I had started bleeding badly. I was scared to death. I called my mom while in tears. She seemed so careless to me at the time. She just nonchalontly told me that I was having a miscarriage. I hung up form her and called my mother-in-law. She acted the same way as my mom did. I went through 4 superplus tampons in 45 minutes. This was enough to make us decide to go to the hospital. We went to University Hospital of South Florida. There were 2 women to a room. We shared a tv and a bathroom. It cost us 137.50 a day and we had no insurance. I stayed there over the weekend and the bleeding had slowed down alot. The tests showed that I had not lost my baby and my cervix was still closed, so they let me go home that following Monday. Before I was released my husband convinced me to call my mom. When I did call her she was shocked to find out that I was in the hospital. She had no recollection of my earlier call. She, unlike my mother-in-law, regreted being so cold to me. I felt like I had my mothers love back. The following Friday I was still bleeding slightly but only slightly. When this person showed up and told me about when she had a miscarriage . She had bled for 2 days and when she arrived at the hospital she was considered dead because she had lost so much blood. This terrified me because I had been bleeding now for 8 days. I then decided to go back to the hospital. READY FOR PART 7?
I don't remember exactly how they did it, but mom and dad did make it into work that day. They left us kids at home because they felt we had enough to eat and drink and that we were safe. Both of them got stuck in their stores and couldn't make it home to us. Finally dad had the law bring him home on a snowmobile. Mom stayed at her store. The snow had drifted so high that you could see the snow stacked up above the windows. We had to dig our way out of the front door. For us kids, it was fun. We made paths in the snow like a maze. We spent hours out there because under the snow you couldn't feel the below zero winds. Not to mention that we didn't have to go to school. Like I said earlier, I had several males attempt to kiss me, touch me, or have sex with me. Before school one day the boy I liked had come to see me. I don't remember where my siblings were, but they weren't there with me and my bf. He had experience where I didn't. He kissed my passionately kinda like my cousin did, but it was different. My hormones had matured since then. I allowed him to fondle me on the outside of my clothes. I even let him touch my tits under my shirt. He had me sitting on the back of the couch, from behind the couch, with my legs spread and him between my legs. We were both dressed but I could feel his excitement pressed up against my crotch. This by itself excited me alot. When he tried to get me to let him get inside my pants with his hand, I froze. I just couldn't allow this. He was upset with me and left shortly after being turned down. Within a week I was being called "spread eagle" at school. He had told everyone that I had sex with him and that I was easy. This of course had caused even more unsolicited fondling by the boys in my school. This was only a part of what I had endured during those young years. I had also began to get molested by my brother. He would sneak into my room while everyone else was asleep and fondled me. I would lie there acting like I was asleep thinking it would make him go away, but it didn't. He even went as far as to plug my nose and put his dick on my lips in hopes that I would have to open my mouth to breath and then take advantage of the opportunity. I would always turn away as I grasped for air so to stop this act. From 13 to 16 this molestation continued. Sometime during this "play" he started rubbing his dick on my pussy through our clothes. I always acted asleep. I was so ashamed of myself because this felt good to me. I knew it was wrong but did nothing to stop it. I even had a few orgasms during the molestation. My brother was only 1 1/2 years older than I. At one point (at age 13), my brother, my younger sister, and I had a "play" session while awake. We all 3 explored each others bodies with our hands. I don't remember if my sister and I were undressed, but I do remember seeing my brothers penis. This was the first time I had seen a penis up close and in person. This only happened one time like this, and to my knowledge,the only time my little sister was involved with my brother. Shortly after the incident with the 3 of us, my older sister told my mother that my dad had been fondling her. I don't think I really believed her till the day I went in to mom and dads bedroom to give them a kiss and hug good morning. When I entered their bedroom I found only dad was awake. I didn't think anything bad would happen because I was still daddy's little girl. Well, at least in my eyes I was. When I climbed up on the bed to kiss my father I got more than I had ever expected. My father didn't kiss me like his little girl. He kissed me like a lover. He held me tightly as he kissed me then ran his hands on my breasts, squeezing them with his man hands. I was in a state of shock. It all happened so fast. Then he placed his hand on my crotch, rubbing me like a father had no right to do. He asked me, "Can I do this?" I was so thrown back that all I could think of was getting away. I told my dad that I had to go pee. He told me to hurry back. I didn't hurry back. I went back to bed and stayed there till I had heard several voices and knew that he and I wouldn't be alone. went to the living room where everyone but my eldest sister was. She was the only one still in bed. I sat on the gas forced air vent with a blanket wrapped around me to catch the heat. I watched dad trying to figure out what had happened just a few hours before. Dad seemed upset and I thought it was with me since I didn't go back, but he surprised me. He was mad at my oldest sister. He told my mother that he was tired of us kids getting up for the day and then going back to bed. He said that once we were up we needed to stay up. I told my dad that Sunset had not been up yet, that she hadn't gotten up and went back to bed. This angered my dad. He told me, "Yes she was up! She came into my room this morning to give me a good morning hug and kiss!" With his statement out in the open, I informed him that it wasn't her that came in to him. It was me. My dad gave me a surprised look. After that day my dad began doing to me just exactly what he had been doing to Sunset. All of us kids, and my mother, like to have our back stroked since we kids were very small. It wasn't anything unusual to have dad stroke our backs, or each other for that matter. But now it took on a whole new light. Dad would sneak his hand around my side to fondle my breast. He did it even when mom was in the room but would go to the side of my body opposite where mom could see. Sunset finally told mom what dad had been doing to her. When mom confronted him, he told her, "I thought she wanted me to.". Mom bought this excuse as a good enough reason for what he had been doing. With this in mind, I decided it best not to tell her about what he had done to me. Sunset was told by mom, " What do you expect? He is a man after all. With the way you sit and squirm on his lap. He thought that is what you wanted from him." This was the first time I had tried to kill myself. I was to go babysit. I took my younger sister with me so when I died the kids would not be alone. Little did I know that 5-6 pills wasn't enough to do you in.I don't even remember what pills I took all those years ago. STILL BORED?
I didn't get the chance to go home and put away the crutches. While switching classes my crutch slipped in water and one crutch came out from underneath me. Again I fell right on top of the same ankle! I was walking with a classmate that carried my books for me so she helped me to my next class. I sat there for a long while with my head on my desk crying. Finally I was able to talk and ask to go to the nurses office. I was told that the nurse was not in and was dismissed like I didn't really need to go. I told the teacher that I would go to the office instead. I just knew my ankle was broken. Reluctantly I received a pass to go to the office. They called my mother and told her what I said happened. When mom got to the school I had managed to stop crying. She took this to mean that my pain wasn't that bad. I told her that I just knew it was broken but she didn't believe me. She told me,"You were crying alot harder 2 weeks ago and it was only sprained then." We went back to the emergency room where we were told I had a hairline fracture of my left ankle. I was elated! I was right and these adults that didn't believe me, were proved wrong! I had a cast put on that went all the way up to my knee. For some reason they didn't put a walking cast on me so I had to lift this heavy plaster cast everytime I went anywhere. My leg grew tired quickly of holding up this heavy cast so I began putting a little weight on the toe part of the cast. I was to have the cast removed 6 weeks after it was applied but when I had my follow up visit they discovered that I had been walking on it. This earned me another 2 weeks of cast wearing. I was walking with crutches for 2 1/2 months total. When my cast did come off my leg was so scaley it looked like a shedded snake skin. And itched like a mad woman. I was told that because I walked on my cast/toes my ankle would be suseptable to fractures from now on. Mom was upset with me for not doing what I was told and risking my ability to heal right. One day my elder sister had invited me to a swimming/camping out party that she was going to. The reason I was invited was because they had 3 girls going and had been told that there would be 4 men, so they needed an extra girl. I was to be that extra girl. My sister had a story made up about who I was, where I was from, and how old I was. I was no longer 13, but 16. When we got to the small pond where we were going swimming, I found out that the man I was to keep off the other girls was 22. It was still twilight out when we arrived. The other girls and the men began undressing right away. I had no idea that we were going skinny dipping. Although I liked to be seen undressing from afar, this was not afar. This was close and personal. I was scared of undressing in front of all these older people, especially these grown men. I was still a virgin and planned on staying that way for a while longer. So far all of my masterbation had been external. I was so against undressing that the man I was paired up with didn't undress either. This caused a riff with the 3 girls I was with. They were afraid if I didn't undress also, I could tell on them for what they had done. With this in mind I was approached by all 7 of the other swimmers. I was told,"If you don't get undressed and get in, we will undress you and throw you in." To this day that was the fastest that I had ever gotten undressed. I ran as quickly as I could to get submerged in the water. This 22 yr old man kept trying to get close to me to kiss and who knows what to me. As a frightened virgin I swam away, dodging underwater so he couldn't see where I was. Luckily the night had came so I was harder to see. This pond had all kinds of underwater weed growth which made swimming away even harder. All of the other couples were so close together making out. You couldn't have gotten a dime between them.While trying to get away and not being able to see where I was going, I ran head first into the ass of my sister. Little did I know that her and her bf were engaged in sex at that very moment. Years later we have had several laughs about my intrusion. Later that same year, during the winter months, we had a blizzard. Mom and dad had to go to work anyway. They said that without their stores being open alot of people could be in trouble. They knew that with the blizzard many of the big stores would not be open and people would need milk and staples to be able to eat. Babies would need the milk and formula that was just sitting on the shelves. When it was time for them to go to work they decided it would be best to take us with them since it was supposed to get worse. By the time we left to go, the snow on the roads were considered impassable on many roads. Dad was sure he could get through so he had us all get dressed in layers and started out. I had my 3 pairs of pants on, and my 3 shirts, but only put on 1 pair of socks and my tennis shoes. We managed to get about 6 blocks from home when the car got stuck in the snow. We all got out several times and tried to push this big Pontiac Cataling 4 door, but it was too much for a 15 yr old, a 14 yr old, a 13 yr old, and an 11 yr old. Mom had to stay behind the wheel to steer, or at least she was supposed to. She didn't though. She would get out and stand by the drivers door and steer as she helped push. Dad was in the snow trying to help us kids push. It wasn't long before we were all freezing. I begged mom and dad to give up and let us go back home. Finally they agreed. We began the short walk home. It was so cold that my feet felt like they weren't just cold, now they were on fire. I thought I had frostbyte by now. We managed to get a whole block away from the car when Terri and I convinced our parents to let us go knock on someones door to see if we could come in and get warm. I didn't think I could walk another step till they said we could knock on that door. I ran like my life depended on it, and it probably did. It didn't take that woman a millisecond to open up her home to our family. She told us to strip down to the bare essentials so she could dry our clothes in her dryer. We didn't hesitate one bit. One second later I was standing there in my underware and my first shirt of my 3 layers. My other siblings followed close behind me. Sunset didn't get quite as undressed as the rest of us kids, but she did take off all but one layer of clothes, as did both mom and dad. The nice older lady then began to make hot chocolate for us to warm us. She offered to let us stay till the roads were cleared and we could move our car, but mom and dad said we needed to get home. Our clothes dried and soon we were under way. We were to walk the remaining 5 blocks home. I never realized how far 5 blocks could be. By the time we reached the door to our house I was froze from head to toe. Mom ended up with minor frost byte on a few of her toes. I think it took me at least a week to get warm again. Or at least that is the way it felt. READY FOR PAGE 5, PROBABLY NOT, BUT POSTING IT ANYWAY.
In 7th grade I became a play toy for the boys in class and for the men that I came in contact with. Not by my choice, but by theirs. I would be walking down the hallways at school when boys would walk up behind me and grab my tits. I was too embarrassed to say anything. There would always be a hall full of kids, and I wasn't sure who to yell at. In the back of my mind, I enjoyed this alot. The enjoyment I felt also cause me to feel ashamed, because now I was old enough to know that this was not right. I would babysit for some of the little kids that we knew. More times than not, the father of those kids would fondle me and/or try to kiss me when no one was looking. I never told on any of them. I just kept babysitting till I was afraid of it going too far. Then I would make up excuses to not go there anymore. My parents never suspected that I was being molested over and over again. While in gym class one day I was running after this other girl. I reached out to grab her shirt to slow her down. I had inadvertingly grabbed her bra strap. When I realized what I had done, I let go quickly thus causing her bra strap to slap her back. After this I was labeled a lesbian and was teased the rest of the year. I was in denial at that time. I didn't tell anyone that the female body excited me so. I even tried to deny it to myself, even though I still masterbated to womens bodies. I told myself that the reason I liked looking at womens bodies so much was because I wanted my body to look as theirs did. During this year I had started to have bad pains in my knees. I didn't volunteer the information about the pain to my mom and dad when it first started. I would just sit there and hold my sore hurting knee till I was asked to get up and do something. Mom and dad thought I was faking, just trying to get out of household chores because,"It didn't start hurting till we told you to do something." Finally I had complained enough to deserve a doctors appointment. When we got to go into the examination room and the doctor came in, he told me to take down my pants. I didn't understand why I had to remove my pants when I had bell bottoms on and could roll them up high enough to see my knees. I threw such a fit that the doctor had my mom leave the room thinking it was her that had me so upset, but it wasn't. I did calm down when she left, but only because I knew that with him I couldn't win. After the exam he told my mother that it was simply growing pains and that when I got older it would stop. One morning I awoke to find brown splotches on my panties. I knew about periods but didn't think this could be it because it wasn't red like blood. It wasn't much, just a little amount. I had this show on my panties for 3 days in a row and then it went away as quickly as it came. It didn't happen the next month so I had just let it go and forgot about it. One February morning I was late to catch the bus for school. The weather had been getting warmer and the snow had almost completely melted away except for some small patches. Wouldn't you know that I would find one of those patches! I was running to catch the bus before it left me and slipped right beside the bus doors. I fell right on top of my own ankle. I didn't have to go to school after all. Mom had to miss work and take me to have it xrayed. Doctor told her that I didn't break it, I only sprained my ankle. He wrapped it up in an ace wrap and gave me crutches to walk with. He said that it should be better within 2 weeks. As the 2 week time was ending my mother encouraged me to start walking on my sore ankle. It didn't feel like it had healed at all to me. Everytime I tried to put weight on it, it hurt like the dickens. Like it did the day I had fallen on it. But who can win in an arguement with mom? Not I. One the 2 week anniversary date, I was to come home from school and my crutches were going to be taken away and by God I was gonna stop babying my ankle. NEXT CHAPTER CONTINUES........BORED YET?


We stayed at my mothers 1st cousins house when I was 8 yrs old. This sticks in my head really strong because of the events that happened there. I was to sleep on the floor in the living room with my 16 yr old female cousin. I don't remember how it all started, but do remember several of the things that happened. My cousin started playing with my young niave body. She made me feel like I had the body of a grown up. She played with my undeveloped breasts and stroked my genitals in a way I never knew about. This secret is one that we never shared with anyone. I was so young that I didn't feel ashamed. I thought it was ok but was our secret. I actually enjoyed the feelings she stirred in my young body. I was allowed to fondle her breasts, and suck on her nipples. She had very large breasts with large nipples. I played with her genitals till I helped her achieve an orgasm. I felt totally loved. This was my very first sexual experience, and I was already doing oral. Giving and receiving In the 3rd grade my mother had a friend of hers babysit for us. I didn't mind because she had kids my age that I liked to play with. Little did we know that her and her husband were having serious relationship problems. He called to tell her that he was coming home and was going to kill her. We had no car to get away. I don't remember why we didn't call for help, but we didn't. All of us left her house in a hurry. We took nothing with us but what was on our backs. We ran for our lives. We had to climb a barbed wire fence to get through the field across from her house. Several of us got cut up on that barbed wire. I don't remember what ended up happening to my moms friend, but we got away and never had to go to her house again When I was in fifth grade we went to an open concept school in Indianapolis. I was in the class called intermediate 3, or I-3.These classes were set up 4 classes in one great big opening without walls. We moved from class to class for different subjects but could maintain eye contact on where we just came from. My favorite teacher was Miss Woodside. She was transferred out of our section to go to another section. I missed her so bad that when I got off my bus in the mornings I went to I-1 to see her. I cried so much that year when she left. We moved out of Indianapolis in the middle of the fifth grade. We moved to Elwood. When I was in sixth grade I still had the body of a little girl, but that changed rapidly over the summer. I used to watch this boy and girl in 6th grade. They would be sexually explorative during class when the teachers back was turned. He would look down her shirt and they would kiss passionately.She would ask him how they looked today. This always caused me to get excited, longing for the attention she was getting, and jealous of the boy that got to see down her top. When I started 7th grade I had the body of a young woman. I developed quickly and quite huge. When class started that yr I had went from flat chested to a size 36D in 3 short months. I had a decent body to go along with these huge breasts. This received alot of attention from the males in my class, and in my outside life. I hadn't had any other sexual encounter since my female cousin and was longing to feel that kind of love and attention again. I would sit in my room upstairs, fantasize, and naughty play with my barbies. I would put her plastic body on my clit and rub her tits on me like my cousin did with her big tits.This never failed to help me reach climax, even though I was so young. During the summer while I was going through all those changes, I would flash my new buds to anyone that happened to look up to my window. Something about being seen always excited me, even way back then. On a couple of occasions I would actually play with myself while standing in front of that window. I never saw anyone looking at me, but the thought of it was all it took. INTERESTED YET? GET READY FOR PART 3.
THIS IS A BLOG TO LET OUT SOME OF THE THINGS THAT MADE ME WHO I AM TODAY. I AM WRITING A BOOK SO HERE ARE SOME EXCERPS. FEEL FREE TO COMMENT AND GIVE POINTERS IF YOU WISH TO. My life started like most, uneventful. I had both a mother and a father, still married! I was their 3rd child but their 2nd girl. 2 yrs later came my younger sister. My first memory is one going all the way back to kindergarden. We lived in Muncie then and I went to Roosevelt elementary. I remember our Christmas gift exchange. My mom bought a 4 pack of playdough. I remember thinking how great of a gift that was. When it was my turn to pick my gift I picked a terrible cheap gift. It was a 2"x2" plastic bunkbed set with 2 naked formed babies in it. My second memory of my kindergarden yrs was when we fried pumpkin seeds. That was alot of fun. We sat in our basement room and watched the big kids play outside on the playground. One time I tried to go to school in such a hurry that I left the house without a shirt or shoes. Its a good thing that I learned early not to do that. At the end of the year we moved and I went to a different school. This school was named Washington elementary. It is here where I had my first fight. Another first grade girl decided she didn't like me. I lost that fight, the first of many I would have in my life. Another thing I remember about those young yrs was when I was diagnosed with bowel trouble. I had to take this awful medicine that came in little brown bottles. I was to drink one bottle ever night before I brushed my teeth and went to bed. My younger sister was a weird one. She liked strange flavors. She actually liked the taste of mineral oil. YUK!! I got the smart idea of having her drink my little brown bottle for me each night. This lasted for about 2 weeks before my mom caught on. While sitting on the carpet in first grade I sat with my legs stretched out like a "V". I had my pencil sitting between my thighs right beside my paper that I was writing on. I got tired of my legs being stretched out and decided to cross my legs and sit indian style. Boy was this a mistake! I didn't remember to move my pencil before I moved my legs thus causing my pencil to be impailed into my groin. I went to the restroom to see the damage. I found blood on my panties. This for a 7 year old is terrifying. I told my teacher who in turn called my mom. Mom came to school and took me into the restroom to check out my panties and see what was on there. She told me that it was nothing to be concerned with, that I had just started my period. It took me awile to convince my mom that I hadn't started my period. She was sure she was right. She herself had started when she was 9 so surely this was what I was going through. Finally after she stopped trying to reassure me that it would all be ok, I was able to tell her the true story as to what had happened. I went to the doctor to be told that everything would be fine. MORE TO FOLLOW......HOPE THIS PART WAS OK, THE HAIRY STUFF COMES SOON!!
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