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Jodi's blog: "growing up me"

created on 01/22/2007  |  http://fubar.com/growing-up-me/b47553

BOOK-part-7

We went to Tampa General Hospital because we thought it would be cheaper. In the ER they told me that I needed a D&C. I asked them if it was gonna hurt. I was told that it hurt like severe cramps. I told them that I couldn't handle pain. The nurse got real shitty with me and said, "You can't handle pain and yet you were going to have a baby?" I told the nurse that I could handle pain to have a baby but couldn't handle the pain to lose one. She then told me that because I had a low grade temperature I couldn't have it done right then and there. I would have to be admitted. I was in a room with 3 other women. 2 rooms full of women shared one bathroom. We had no tv unless we paid for it separately. We found out that it cost 155.oo a day there. It was good friday when I received a D&C. The only thing I remember about the proceedure was that as I was going under my door was agape and people in the hallway could see me. There were 4 different people in my room when I went under. I had no idea who performed my surgery. I was released the following Monday. When I got home I lost a 2" piece of tissue out of my body. I was terrified! I called the hospital to talk to the doctor that was listed on my ID band. They got me in touch with that doctor I had asked for. He told me, "I wasn't the doctor that preformed your surgery because I was on Easter vacation last weekend, but I can tell you what that is." He told me that with any D&C some of the tissue has to come out on its own, and that is what had passed from my body. We lived in Tampa for an entire 6 months before we realized that we had gotten in over our heads and came back to Indiana. I learned later that this was an illegal unathorized abortion that had been performed, but I found out much too late to do anything about it. Once back in Indiana I got pregnant again. I didn't have a diagnosis but just knew that I was pregnant when I missed my period. This time I was 2 1/2 months pregnant. When I got to the hospital the doctor confirmed my pregnancy. He told me, "Your right!" I said, " I am pregnant?" I was told then, "Not anymore." That is when I found out for sure that I had lost my second baby. Almost 2 years into our marriage my mother had gotten real ill and needed me to help her. I left Kokomo and went to stay with her for 3 weeks. As she was getting better our GED ceremonies were due to take place in Muncie. I was going to go home to my husband but since the ceremony was to happen where I already was, it made no sense to Kokomo on Monday then come back on Thursday. I told Sonny that I would come home after the ceremony. He called on Wednesday to profess his undying love for me but when Thursday came he seemed to avoid me. He didn't want to be around me, let alone hug me or hold my hand. When we left to go home, he didn't even ride with me. He rode in the car with his mother. I followed behind him in my fathers van. I saw that he had several things packed in the back of his moms station wagon. Once we arrived at my moms house Sonny took me into the bathroom to talk to me. Sonny laid a bombshell on me. He told me that he no longer wanted to be married to me but he still loved me. I had no idea how to face this. I truely loved this man with all of my heart. I had no idea what to do. I found out that he had filed for divorce the previous Monday, before he called begging me to come home, professing his love for me, on Wednesday. Our final divorce was to be July 21st. 2 years, 2 weeks, and 2 days after we married. In between the preliminary hearing and the final hearing I lost our 3rd baby. I wasn't told exactly why I had lost all these babies but I thought (and still think) that it was because of what Tampa General Hospital did to me. I eventually was able to move on even though I never stopped loving Sonny. I decided that I was going to play the field and not get serious with anyone ever again. My friend Sherri and I had a contest to see who could love 'em and leave 'em the most. In 6 months we tied. We had both had 14 partners in very short time. This all came to an end when Sherri and I each had a man at my trailer. We each were in our own rooms when it got real cold inside. It was winter time and my furnace cracked. It was a fuel oil furnace so black soot shot up all through the trailer when it was on. I turned on my stove top and oven to heat the house. Sherri and I slept in the living room after our sex sessions were over and our guys had fallen asleep. It was hilarious to watch my guy come from the back bedroom wrapped in a blanket to turn the heat up again. We would watch him, laugh and turn it right back off once he was out of sight. I had to move out right after this happened due to the carbon monoxide that was also being shot out of the cracked block. I moved back home after this all happened. I used to go down to the local bowling alley down from moms house. There was a video arcade there. I met a few guys that I dated but nothing serious ever became of any of them. Not till I met Rick. He was 6'2" and weighed about 240 pounds. He treated me like I mattered and I fell hook line and sinker. He told me he was 25 yrs old. That was 5 years older than me, but I didn't mind. I would go spend all my free time with him. Mom would get mad at me for staying out all hours of the night. She told me that if I stayed out all night again I would be kicked out of her house. I came home at 3 am one night to find mom waiting at the kitchen entrance with both hands on her hips. Needless to say, she was pissed! She stated very harshly, "What did I tell you about staying out all night?" I told her that I didn't stay out all night. She then asked me what I thought all night was because it was now 3 am. I told her that I thought all night was when the sun came up. She didn't like my smartass answer. She told me, "Just one more time, that is all it is going to take." I went to Ricks again and partied with him till after 2 in the morning. Since mom told me that I would get kicked out if I stayed out past curfew one more time, I didn't go home. My curfew was 11 on every night except for Saturday. Saturdays I could stay out till 1 am. PART 8 COMING UP NEXT.......
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