For me this is a night where sleeping seems impossible. I woke up quite suddenly after only about an hour of sleeping with a flood of memories of clients past. Its hard at times to be at the side of a person who's health is in decline and remain cheerful, positive and continually provide reassurance to people who's lives are going to hell in a hand basket.
I had a client die 2 weeks ago and I just can't shake him from my thoughts. Can you imagine becoming senile, having somebody help you with every aspect of your life from eating, walking, bathing and being told when to sleep when to get up what to wear... I feel like a guard half the time and a bully the rest of the time.
My new current client is also senile, and his wife is very guarded about strangers and she herself has always been wary about people in her home. I have the task of getting on their good sides so that ultimately I can prepare this family for the day when their dad will be sent to nursing home because he's not able to function well in the home anymore. I can see the gambit of misery for this pour guy and honestly, I see very little good in his future and for his wife also.
I had a confused client awhile back who went into one of those fancy seniors blocks where they prepare the meals in the formal dining room and it was all fine and dandy for the wife but the guy went postal being in an environment unfamiliar to him he ended up in a nursing home 3 months later and the wife was destroyed by this. I'd hardly call it fortune telling to say I knew it'd happen, but with my newest client thats the scenario I envision.
I'd rather work in a box factory, or manage a restaurant, or just go off into the wilderness and disappear some days. I have this girl who likes me and I have no warmth for her, because I spend so much time faking it with clients who's lives are totally FUBAR.
Ok, Enuf of a rant, I'll try to sleep again.
