The Evil Monkey King's blog: "From the mind of The Evil Monkey King"

Ok so the decision was made to change the name. I had nothing to do with it, so I have no control over it. But as an American, I need to say something. I think I speak for a lot of people when I say one of the main reasons we are HERE and not at myshit.com is because the site is more interactive for us. YES ADULTS!!!!! The site has a veryclear disclaimer that this is an 18 or older site. Lost Cherry was the PERFECT name. Parents will pass past a name called "CherryTap", but show me a parent that would pass up a name like "LostCherry" showing on thier child's computer. Why should the name of the site be changed because some irresponsable parents don't monitor what thier kids say. As for other adults "Raising Thier Eyebrows" at the sites name: THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT TO DO!!!!! Controversial names hide some of the best sites. It keeps the "Holier-than-thou" people out. Now I understand this is not a "Porn Site," but DAMMIT, there are no sites out there that are for adults to congregate UNLESS you go to a damn PORN SITE. That's why I liked the name Lost Cherry. It stuck in your head and you didn't forget it. Now when you tell a friend to go "Check out CherryTap.com when you get home," they will just forget about it and never check it out. Now why do I feel I need to respond to this..... My father is a lead advertisement agent so I grew up around it. Understanding advertising is like second nature to me. I understood that the interlocking "OO" on a pack of KOOL Cigarettes is so you subliminally read it backwards too so you really see "LOOK KOOL." So I say. in my opinion, why change it. It was never broken.

Ok so I'm watching the WWE tonight (10/16/2006) and these two fake wanna-be A listers, Maleena and Nitro come out saying they have an A-List friend of theirs there tonight. So I'm wondering what idiot they got Well THEY GOT THE KING OF HOLLYWOOD'S "DEE DEE DEE" CLUB!!!!!!!! Yes KEVIN FEDERLINE!!!!!!!! The douchebag comes out disses the crowd acting like the royal fuckhead he is. Then he talks about rap and says he won't perform because the crowd isn't worth it. Oh yeah, did I forget to say they bood him from the second he walked out LOL. Anyway..... John Cena comes out (For those that don't know he is a rapper/wrestler/actor) and he proceeds to shit on Federline. After a breif interuption and an announcement tat one of the three Championship[ Belts were up for grabs, Cena invites K-Fed into the ring to ask who he thought should have the belt up for grabs. K-Fed said "Yours." Mics were dropped , then Cena extended his hand in a "respectful manner." When K-ZFed grabbed it, Cena hoisted him up on his shoulder and planted his ass on the mat with an "F-U." Now who says WWE is not entertaining?!?!?!?

Thanks to some awesome bulletins, I finally have the perfect message for the axe-weilding psycopaths that follow me everywhere. Watch and enjoy!

I posted a few videos on my front page. If you watch them, please leave comments here. They are viral videos that I put my own special "Evil Monkey Touch" on and put them out for people to laugh at. Yes that is me doing the foolish voices for the monkeys. If you find any strange monkey videos out there let me know so I can play with them too.

OK.... Why the name "The Evil Monkey King?" That is actually quite easy.... First off it is NOT a rip-off from "The Family Guy." I should sue them for strealing it from me. I know Seth Green drugged me with a laced banana and stole it with the help of the Underwear Gnomes. The real genuis of the name comes from the old saying "Hear no evil, See no evil, Speak no evil.... Have no fun." I always saw the last monkey as an Evil Monkey. At an early age, I adopted that phrase. I did anything I thought i could get away with (But that didn't always work LOL). My mother knew I loved that saying so she would sometimes call me an Evil Little Monkley. From there, the name just grew. I think when I hit puberty and found a stack of magazines and movies buried in my parents closet, I became "The Evil Monkey King." I think all guys become Evil Monkeys when their balls drop. It's like a "Right of Passage" thing. Well that's that for this. Until later...... DON'T STEAL MY BANANAS!!!!!

For most of my life, I have always had more female friends than male friends. The fact is I find myself more comfortable not dealing with the testosterone bullshit. I love women and everyone knows that. "All I want is a nice guy...." and then they cry on my shouylder. ENOUGH!!!! When I was an asshole, I had to beat them off with a stick. My ex-fiance turned me into the "Gentle Guy" you now see before you. WOMEN WANT ASSHOLES!!!!! Admit it and stop saying you don't. Nice guys are NOT handsome! We all look like me... Tall, thin and goofy looking! Nice Guys do NOT ignore you! Even when we don't want to hear what you are saying, we listen because we care. Nice Guys are NOT rich with money! We count friends are our most precious treasure! Nice Guys do NOT drive nice cars! We are too broke because we spend our money on other people first because it makes US happy! Nice Guys do NOT get violent and hit you! We only get vicious when we see a friend hurt and then we scare you with our fierceness (Didn't know we had a side like that did you?). Nice Guys do Not brush you off when you date someone new. Instead we cry on the inside as it tears us apart knowing once again, you have chosen someone that could never love you as much as we do. So for a moment, allow me to let the asshole out. WAKE THE FUCK UP OR SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!! Either see us "Nice Guys" standing in front of us or tell the truth and date another asshole.

Ok. So here are a few facts for the holier-than-thou butt-monkeys out there. The word "FUCK" is actually an anagram. It stands for "Fornication Under Consent of the King." That was back in the times of Kings and vassals where a vassal (or lord of the region) was given expressed permission to sleep with any woman on her wedding night. By doing this, it was believed that they could then put the bloodlines of thier nation into the population of one they had conquered. Where this was a bad and evil practice, the anagram "F.U.C.K." turned into a bad word. The "middle finger" came from the years in which England and France were at war. English Logbow men fired thier arrows holding the string and arrow in unison using thier index and middle fingers. French Longbow men held the string with only thier middle finger, holding the index finger behind it to steady the arrow. This allowed them to fire more accurately. However, as most battles went, the stronger English Army beat them in hand-to-hand combat, so French Archers were captured. As a way to ensure they would not fight in another battle as archers, the English would cut off thier middle finger so they could not ever fire a bow again. As a sign of superiority, the English soldiers would then extend thier middle fingers to make fun of the now crippled soldiers. This too was a bad and evil thing so became seen as an inappropriate gesture. Putting both of these two items together based on the fact that they came from the same time period, modern man has now joined the two items together as one and made the middle finger part of the anagram we now know as the word "Fuck." Next time one of these "Holier-Than-Thou" people say you are swearing, throw that in thier face and say this: "According to The Bible, the only time I truely swear is when I use the Lords name in vain. I mean... Jesus Christ.... Oh My God I swore... God dammit I did it agan." Then just walk away and let them think about it.