While I have been blessed with a few close friends, I still almost at all times feel completely alone. I remember one of the times in my life when my friend needed me more than anything, and my stepfather, who will discussed in another chapter of this tale of what causes a man to lose his face and have only a thousand masks while never having a true face. But that is for another time, forbade me from being with my friend because his parents were going through a divorce, and I was forbidden by my father to not be around my friend whom is even to this day is like a brother to me.
This was a moment that shaped me I think in a lot of ways that are probably not the best things that have happened. The alienation I felt at this time of my life would almost feel strangling. It is at these times perhaps my escapism became the better part of my coping mechanism to deal with pain. In this instance I remember listening to my stepfather telling me not to go over to my best friends house and this was probably a time he needed me, and I know I needed him, and so I was alone.
There would come a time when I would reconnect with this friend, and he is the closest person to me. But I remember listening to my step father, for fear I can not remember exactly what it was I feared from him. He did on occasion hit me and push me around but I just took it, as he had systematically trained me to be subservient to authority figures out of fear of anyone with authority to the point where I would never even stand up for myself. This kind of psychological abuse I think is perhaps what we will discuss at another time. I think perhaps that shall make the third chapter in which we discuss the beginnings of the fracture in my consciousness that would one day become my strength.
So for now we will end with the upcoming chapter, I think perhaps it should be called divisions...
