Foxie's blog: "~ Free Fall ~"

GOD CREATED CHILDREN (AND IN THE PROCESS GRANDCHILDREN) To those of us who have children in our lives, whether they are our own, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, or students...here is something to make you chuckle. Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His own children After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing he said was "DON'T!" "Don't what?" Adam replied. "Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God said. "Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey Eve..we have forbidden fruit!!!!!" "No Way!" "Yes way!" "Do NOT eat the fruit!" said God. "Why" "Because I am your Father and I said so!" God replied, wondering why He hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants. A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and He was angry! "Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?" God asked. "Uh huh," Adam replied. "Then why did you?" said the Father. "I don't know," said Eve. "She started it!" Adam said "Did not!" "Did too!" "DID NOT!" Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own. Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed. BUT THERE IS REASSURANCE IN THE STORY! If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself. If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you? THINGS TO THINK ABOUT! 1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up. 2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own children. 3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young. 4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said. 5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own. 6. We childproofed our homes, but they are still getting in. ADVICE FOR THE DAY: Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home one day. AND FINALLY: IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION AND YOU GET A HEADACHE, DO WHAT IT SAYS ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE: "TAKE TWO ASPIRIN" AND "KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN"!!!!!

Toys and Religions Capitalism He who dies with the most toys, wins. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hari Krishna He who plays with the most toys wins. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Judaism He who buys toys at the lowest price wins. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Catholicism He who denies himself the most toys wins. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Anglican They were our toys first. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Greek Orthodox No, they were OURS first. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Branch Davidians He who dies playing with the biggest toys wins. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Atheism There is no toy maker. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Islam You must force the world to play with this exact toy, other toys are forbidden. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Polytheism There are many toy makers -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Evolutionism The toys made themselves. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Taoism The doll is as important as the dumptruck. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mormonism Every boy may have as many toys as he wants. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Voodoo Let me borrow that doll for a second... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Jehova's Witnesses He who places the most toys door to door wins. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Pentacostalism He whose toys can talk wins. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Existentialism Toys are a figment of your imagination. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Confucianism Once a toy is dipped in water, it is no longer dry. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Non-denominationalism We don't care where the toys came from, let's just play! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- CTFU!! I loved this one cause its so true Foxie

One hot July day we found an old straggly cat at our door. She was a sorry sight. Starving, dirty, smelled terrible, skinny and hair all matted down. We felt sorry for her and put her in a carrier and took her to the vet. She had no name so we named her Pussycat. The vet decided to keep her for a day or so and said he would let us know when we could come to get her. My husband, [the complainer] said OK, but don't forget to wash her, she stinks. And he reminded the vet that it was his wife that wanted the dirty cat, not him. My husband and my vet don't see eye to eye. He calls my husband El-Cheap-O. My husband calls him El-Take-0. They love to hate each other. Next day my husband had an appointment with his doctor, which was located next door to the vet. The doctor's office was full of people waiting to see the doctor. A side door opened and in leaned the vet; he had obviously seen my husband arrive. He looked straight at my husband and in a loud voice said, "Your wife's pussy is finally clean and shaved. She now smells like a rose. OH! And by the way, I think she's pregnant. God knows who the father is!" And he closed the door. Now, that's getting even!

Almost 150 years ago, President Lincoln found it necessary to hire a private investigator - Alan Pinkerton - for protection. And that was the beginning of the Secret Service. Since that time, federal police authority has grown to a large number of multi-letter agencies - FBI, CIA, INS, IRS, DEA, BATF, etc. Now we have the "Federal Air Transportation Airport Security Service." Can't you see them now, these highly trained men and women in their black outfits with their initials in large white letters across their backs: "FATASS." .... I feel safer already.

The U.S. Government announced today that it is changing it's emblem to a condom because it more clearly reflects the government's political stance. A condom stands up to inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while it's actually screwing you.

Hush Little Baby Hush little baby don't you squall Momma's gonna buy you a crystal ball And if you still can't see beyond Momma's gonna buy you a magic wand And if that wand don't change your fate Momma's gonna teach you to levitate And if the astral makes you sick Momma's gonna buy you an incense stick And if that frankincense smells rank Mom'll buy a sensory deprivation tank And if that tank don't float your bones Momma's gonna buy you some precious stones And if those gems don't ease your heart Momma's gonna buy you a natal chart And if your planets go berserk Momma's gonna buy you some bodywork And if your aura still needs kneading Momma's gonna buy you a past life reading And if your destiny stays hid Momma's gonna buy you a pyramid And if your chakras still feel stressed Momma's gonna take you on a vision quest And if power animals don't come to charm ya Sorry, kid, it's just your karma.

Tricky Questions Be careful! GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER 1). What is a four-letter word that ends in k and means the same as intercourse? 2). What is it that a cow has four of and a woman has only two of? 3). What can you find in a man's pants that is about six inches long, has a head on it, and that women love so much that they often blow it? 4). What word starts with f and ends with u-c-k? 5). Name five words that are each four letters long, end in u-n-t, one of which is a word for a woman? 6). What does a dog do that you can step into? 7). What four letter word begins with f and ends with k, and if you can't get one you can use your hands? 8). What is hard, six inches long, has two nuts, and can make a girl fat? 9). What four-letter word ends in i-t and is found on the bottom of birdcages? 10). What is it that all men have one of; it's longer on some men than on others; the pope doesn't use his; and a man gives it to his wife after they're married? Scroll down for answers ANSWERS: 1.(talk) 2.(legs) 3.(a twenty dollar bill) 4.(firetruck) 5.(bunt, hunt, runt, punt, aunt) 6.(pants) 7.(fork) 8.(Almond Joy candy bar) 9.(grit) 10.(last name)

If you, like most of us magic users, practice Tironmancy—divination by cheese, you must use the utmost caution. In the past, after asking a question, a block of Swiss cheese was cut (this is called “Cutting the Cheese”) and the number of holes on the new side of the slice was counted. Of course, most of you know all this but for those rare ones of you that don’t: The number of holes is counted—this tells how many days or weeks ahead (depending on how you phrased the question) the situation will occur. An even number of holes means that the situation will be favorable and the opposite is true for an odd number of holes. Well, this grand system still works BUT: Beware! Inside the USA and a few other highly industrial countries, Fake Swiss Cheese is being made and the holes are artificially drilled through the blocks of cheese. This is called “The Nazarene System” whereby we get the more common phrase, “Cheeses of Nazareth”. Counting holes in these fake cheeses only yields information on the position of the block of the cheese and the number of drill bits operating at that time. Fred Gambian of Pennsylvania did not know about this infringement on our holey cheese divination system and after he cut the cheese, he mistakenly interpreted the result—which led him to vote for Dubya eight times in one election! This public service announcement brought to you, courtesy of ABC (Ansur Baloney Corporation)

RAISIN BREAD A bakery owner hires a young female clerk who likes to wear very short skirts and thong panties. One day a young man enters the store, glances at the clerk and glances at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing the length of her skirt (or lack thereof) and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brilliant idea. "I'd like some raisin bread please," the man says politely. The female clerk nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread, which is located on the very top shelf. The young man standing almost directly beneath her is provided with an excellent view, just as he surmised he would. Once she descends the ladder he muses that he really should get two loaves, as he is having company for dinner. As the clerk retrieves the second loaf of bread, one of the other male customers notices what was going on. Thinking quickly, he requests his own loaf of raisin bread so he can continue to enjoy the view. With each trip up the ladder, the young lady seems to catch the eye of another male customer. Pretty soon, each male customer is asking for raisin bread, just to see the clerk climb up and down. After many trips she is tired, irritated and thinking that she is really going to have to try the bread herself. Finally, once again atop the ladder, she stops and fumes, glaring at the men standing below. She notices an elderly man standing amongst the crowd, staring up at her. Thinking to save herself a trip, she yells at the elderly man, "Is it raisin for you too?" "Not yet," stammers the old man, "but it's a quiverin'!"

Satin pink flesh upon my tongue, the soft sensual smell, the sweet juices dripping down my chin. I wrap my lips around the moist substance and suck the juices into my mouth. I lick a drip that travels down my finger in a slow tantalizing trail to the tip. Again I partake of the sweetness letting the juices trickle down my chin. Sucking, licking, feeling the heavenly texture in my mouth, tasting the luscious sweetness, smelling the heady aroma. I feel a bit dazed with the pleasure invading my sences. I dive in again and again, each time climbing a bit higher in my ascent toward heaven. The satiny feel of my tongue licking the sweet nectar from my fingers hightens the pleasures. My teeth nibble lightly and more juice comes rushing to my taste buds. I eagerly lap them up and nibble more. I close my eyes and just feel. The gentle sweet smell, the satiny texture on my fingers and in my mouth, I hear the sigh on my lips and taste the sweet luscious flavor. I am fullfilled in a way only this can fullfill me. ............ bet ya cant tell what I am doing can ya? I give you a bit to think about it then I tell ya .. :: runs off laughing:: Foxie