Let's face it folks, I have a cat and a vibrator, and that's all I've had for comfort for at least year. Recently I discovered the difference between love and lust. See to me, Love is someone who asks how your day was and really means it and listens to your problems with empathy and sympathy. Lust on the other hand doesn't take the time to get know you but simply says "Take your pants off." This is new to me, what may be old to you. For such a long time I saw sexual conquest as medication for my low self esteem. But all it really is, is empty.
Now the dilema seems to be the fact that I haven't been socially near a man for so long that, the mere smell of him ( because let's face it folks it's all pharemones) would drive me into sexual frenzie. LOL! See now I have a hard time reconziling my need for Love at the highest most spiritual point and my instinct, human drives and desires. I am forever when doing an OSHO Zen tarot reading drawing the "politican" card. And what is that you ask? Well to me it means I can't find a happy medium between my lofty spiritual pursutes and my instincts. However the card explains that they are both masks...none of us is completely sweet and innocent...and yet none of us completely degenerate.
Ben Harper says "some are baptised by water and some are baptised by flames" I think I was mistakenly baptised by flames because last summer we moved into this house and I ended up with the basement room which happens to have a fake fireplace. Really cute lil thing with artificial flames and all...one night the whiskey was running high and the music loud and I danced all night. Like I had never ever heard such sweet music or felt the ellation of moving my hips to the music, danced like I have never danced in my life to dim fire light...mom says I gave myself freedom...but maybe I was baptised by flamed and didn't know it?
Anyway there's a point to this lol....sorry I'm drunk...I long to be baptised by water too...in that pursuit find real love.
